[bonyhadi]

What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.

What do a gynecologist and a pizza delivery boy have
in common?
They can both smell it but can't eat it.

How is a woman like a condom?
Both spend more time in your wallet than on your
dick.

What is the similarity between a woman and Kentucky
Fried Chicken?
By the time you've finished with the breast and
thighs, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.

How are tornadoes and marriage alike?
They both begin with a lot of sucking and blowing,
and in the end you lose your house.

How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw.

What's the difference between Courtney Love and
Wayne Gretzky?
Wayne takes a shower after 3 periods.

What's the difference between love, true love and
showing off?
Spitting, swallowing and gargling.

How can you tell if your wife is dead?
The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.

What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
Full.

How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.

What should you do if you girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down and use a
lubricant.

What's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives
women wild?
Money.

What's the difference between your wife and your job?
After five years your job will still suck.

What's the definition of a male chauvinist pig?
A man who hates every bone in a woman's body, except
his own.

Why do women pay more attention to their appearance
than improving their minds?
Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.

What do blondes and the Bermuda triangle have in
common?
They've both swallowed a lot of semen.

How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony?
It's not hard.

Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand
and a dozen donuts.

Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?
She is the one who can eat the last donut!

What's the difference between a pick pocket and a
peeping Tom?
A pick pocket snatches watches.

Why do blondes like tilt steering?
More head room.

What do a dildo and soy beans have in common?
They are both used as substitute meat.

What's the difference between a blimp and 365 blow jobs?
One is a goodyear, and the other is a great year!

What do old women have between their breasts that young women don't?
A bellybutton!

Why do the men in Scotland wear kilts?
Because the sheep can hear a zipper a mile away
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TEST RESULTS

Mr. Smith goes to the doctor's office
to collect his wife's test results.
The lab tech says, "I'm sorry, sir,
but there has been a bit of a mix-up
and we have a problem. When we sent
the samples from your wife to the lab,
the samples from another Mrs. Smith
were sent as well, and we are now
uncertain which one is your wife's.
Frankly, the news is either bad or
terrible."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, one Mrs. Smith has tested
positive for Alzheimer's disease and
the other for AIDS. We can't tell
which is your wife."
"That's terrible! Can we do the
test over?"
"Normally, yes. But you have an HMO,
and they won't pay for these expensive
tests more than once."
"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"

"The HMO recommends that you drop your
wife off in the middle of town--if she
finds her way home, don't **** her."
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BET YOUR SEX LIFE

A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a
couple of strokes.

The golfer says to himself, "I'd give anything to sink this next putt."

A stranger walks up to him and whispers, "Would you give up a fourth of
your sex life?"

The golfer thinks the man is crazy and that his answer will be
meaningless, but also that perhaps this is a good omen, so he says,
"Okay," and sinks the putt.

Two holes later he mumbles to himself, "Boy, if I could only get an
eagle on this hole."

The same stranger moves to his side and says, "Would it be worth another
fourth of your sex life?"

The golfer shrugs and says, "Sure."

He makes an eagle.

On the final hole, the golfer needs yet another eagle to win.

Though he says nothing, the stranger moves to his side and says, "Would
you be willing to give up the rest of your sex life to win this match?"

The golfer says, "Certainly!" He makes the eagle.

As the golfer walks to the club house, the stranger walks alongside and
says, "You know, I've really not been fair with you because you don't
know who I am. I'm the devil, and from now on you will have no sex
life."

"Nice to meet you," says the golfer. "My name's Father O'Malley."
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FAST THINKING
There have been times when I would loved to have been able to think so quickly.

An older gent had an appointment to see a urologist who shared an office with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with
patients.

He approached the receptionist desk. The receptionist was a large imposing woman who looked like a wrestler. He gave her his name. In a
VERY LOUD VOICE the receptionist said, "YES, I SEE YOUR NAME HERE... YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT
IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?"

All of the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at the very embarrassed man.

He recovered quickly though, and in an equally loud voice replied, "NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE
OPERATION.... AND I'D LIKE THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS
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KIDS
A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come
up with the remainder. They tell me these have not been altered !

Don't bite the hand that..................looks dirty.

A miss is as good as a ......................Mr.

You can't teach an old dog new.................math.

If you lie down with dogs, you'll...................stink in the morning.

Better to be safe than....................punch a kid bigger than you.

You can lead a horse to water but.................how?

Love all, trust....................me.

Happy the bride who...................gets all the presents.

A penny saved is............................not much.

Two's company, three's........................The Musketeers.

Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and..................you have to blow your nose.

None are so blind as.....................Stevie Wonder.

Children should be seen and not....................spanked or grounded.

And the favorite...

Better late than......................pregnant
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