[bonyhadi]

=== Man and Woman At a Bar ===

A man and a woman were having drinks when they
got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more.

The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than
women. Why do you think we're so obsessed with
getting laid?"

"Good Point!" the woman countered. "However, Think
about this...when your ear itches and you put your
finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out,
which feels better-your ear or your finger?"








=== Quick Thinking Husband ===

A man drove his secretary home from a late
afternoon get-together of coworkers because
she was drunk and unable to unable to drive.

Since nothing happened along the way between the
two, the man decided not to mention the secretary
to hiswife.

Later that evening while the man was taking the
wife to a movie, he noticed a high-heeled shoe
under the passenger seat.

So, he asked her to watch out her window for a
parking spot close to the theater.

While she was busy looking, he picked up the shoe
and tossed it out of his window.

When they arrived at the theater and were about
ready to get out of the car, his wife asked,

"Sweetie, have you seen my other shoe?"













=== Lost at Sea ===

Lost at Sea, two Irishmen, Patrick & Michael,
were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic
escape from a burning freighter.

While rummaging through the boat's provisions,
Patrick stumbled across an old lamp.

Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he
rubbed the lamp vigorously.

To his amazement, a genie came forth.

This particular genie, however, stated that he could
only deliver one wish,not the standard three.

Without giving much thought to the matter, Patrick
blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into Guinness Beer!

The genie clapped his hands with a deafening
crash, and immediately the entire sea turned
into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals.

Simultaneously, the genie vanished.

Only the gentle lapping of Guinness on the hull
broke the stillness as the two men considered their
circumstances.

Michael looked disgustedly at Patrick and after
a long, tension filled moment, he spoke. "Nice
going Patrick! Now we're going to have to pee
in the boat."
















=== Keys In Car ===

A blond walked into a gas station and told the manager,
"I locked my keys in my car and I was wondering if you
had a coat hanger I could stick through the window and
unlock the door."

"Why, sure," said the manager, "we have something that
works especially for that."

A couple minutes later, the manager walked outside
to see how the blonde was doing.

He heard another voice. "No, no, a little to the
left," said the other blonde inside the car.







=== Bank Robbery ===

Two blondes, Trisha and Robin decided to
rob a bank together.

The first blonde, Trisha plans the robbery and
goes over the plan with the second blonde, Robin,
in great detail.

The robbery begins. Trisha drives up in front of
the bank, stops the car and says to Robin,
"I want to make absolutely sure you understand
the plan.

You are supposed to be in and out of the bank in
no more than three minutes with the cash.
Do you understand the plan?"

"Perfectly," said Robin.

Robin goes in the bank while Trisha waits in
the getaway car.

One minute passes . . .

Two minutes pass . . .

Seven minutes pass . . . and Trisha is really
stressing out.

Finally, the bank doors burst open! And here
comes Robin. She's got a safe wrapped up in rope
and is dragging it to the car. About the time she
gets the safe in the trunk of the car, the
bank doors burst open again with the security
guard coming out.

The guard's pants and underwear are down around
his ankles while he is firing his weapon.

As the gals are getting away, Trisha
says "You are such a blonde! I thought you
understood the plan!"

Robin said, "I did . . . I did exactly what
you said!"

"No, you idiot," said Trish. "You got it all
mixed up. I said tie up the GUARD and blow
the SAFE!"











=== Been Robbed ===

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked
to find her house ransacked and burglarized.

She telephoned the police at once and reported
the crime.

The police dispatcher broadcasted
the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit
patrolling nearby was the first on the scene.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with
his dog on a leash, the woman ran out on the
porch, sat down on the steps put her face in
her hands and moaned: "I come home to find all my
possessions stolen. I call the police for help,
and what do they do? They send me a BLIND
policeman!"















A husband and wife were screwing up a storm. Afterward, the
husband headed to the bathroom to clean up. He was halfway
down the hall when his 6-year-old son also stepped into the
hallway and was shocked to see his old man standing there
wearing nothing more than a condom.

The boy pointed at his father's penis and asked, "Dad, what
are you doing?"

The father, not wanting to explain sex or birth control,
started with a bull**** story. "Son, I'm trying to catch a
mouse."

The boy, still in shock, asked, "What are ya gonna do when
ya catch it ... **** it?"