An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall.
A young man walked up to the bench and sat down.
He had spiked hair all different colors, green, red, orange, blue, and
yellow. The old man just stared.
The young punk said, "What's the matter old timer, never done
anything wild in your life?"
The old man smile and said, "Well, one time I got drunk and had
sex with a parrot. I was just sitting here wondering if you were my
son."
A worried voice on the doctor's telephone declared, "Sid, a mouse just
ran up my wife's honeypot!"
"I'll be over in 10 minutes, Larry," The doctor replied. "In the
meantime, try waving a piece of cheese between her legs."
When the doctor arrived at the house, the young son showed him upstairs
to the bedroom. There on the bed lay a frantic woman, legs spread wide,
while her husband waved an open can of tuna back and forth.
"Larry, you idiot!" the doctor cried. "I said to use cheese!"
"Dammit, Sid," Larry yelled back, "I know that! But I've got to get the
cat out, first!"
With the heat of their passion quite high,
In the dark she had grabbed the K-Y,
But her burning desire,
Quickly set him on fire,
When she smeared that Ben-Gay on the guy.
~~~~~~~~
There once was a man from nuntucket
whose cock was so long he could suck it,
He said with a grin
as he wiped off his chin,
IF MY EAR WAS A **** I WOULD **** IT!
~~~~~~~~
Going down the highway,
Going eighty-four,
Johnny cut a gasser
And blew me out the door!
The engine, it exploded,
The chassis fell apart,
All because of Johnny's
Supersonic fart!
~~~~~~~~
A little gush of wind
Straight from the heart;
It tickled down my backbone
And it's also called a fart.
A fart can be useful;
It gives the body ease,
It warms the bed in winter
And suffocates the fleas.
~~~~~~~~
Here I sit here broken hearted
Paid a dime but only farted
Yesterday I took a chance
Saved a dime, but **** my pants!
~~~~~~~~
Here I sit cheeks a flexin'
Giving birth to another Texan!
~~~~~~~~
Arty Farty
Had a party
All the farts were there.
Tutti frutti
dropped a beauty
And they all went out for air.
~~~~~~~~
Oh pardon me for being so rude
It was not me it was my food
But if it had not passed my heart
It would've ended up as a fart.
~~~~~~~~
When I get up to wipe my ass,
I like to pass a little gas;
It clears my hole
And dries the bowl
And shows I got a lot of class.
