[bonyhadi]

I was in a church meeting where the topic was "Burial or Cremation?"
Two of the people got rather worked up.
One said to the other, "If you have yourself cremated, all you will be
doing is making an ash of yourself!"
The other replied, "Well, I'm told that petroleum comes from fossilized
bones. So if you have yourself buried all you will be doing is making
a fuel of yourself!"
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The businessman spent a good half an hour in the hotel lounge
bragging to the hooker about how big his dick was. Finally she
suggested they retire to his room and check it out, and he
willingly agreed.

The guy stripped off his clothes, jumped on top of the hooker,
entered her, and said triumphantly, "Why don't you open your
mouth, baby, so I can see the end of my prick?"

"Open my mouth?" scoffed the hooker. "Why don't you wiggle your
ass so I can feel it?"
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A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and
going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to
bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I'm going to
marry."
The mother agrees.

The next day, he brings 3 beautiful women into the house and sits
them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay,
Ma. Guess which one I'm going to marry."

She immediately replies, 'The red-head in the middle."

"That's amazing, Ma. You're right.
How did you know?"
"I don't like her."
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A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said: "I don't
like the looks of your wife at all."
"Me neither, Doc." said the husband. "But she's a great cook, a
wonderful mother to our kids, and is fantastic in bed."
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One morning a man came into the church on crutches. He stopped in front

of the holy water, put some on both legs, and then threw away his
crutches.
An alter boy witnessed the scene and then ran into the rectory to tell
the priest what he'd just seen.
"Son, you've just witnessed a miracle," the priest said. "Tell me where

is this man now?"
"Flat on his ass over by the holy water," said the boy.
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The businessman dragged himself home and barely made it to his chair
before he dropped, exhausted.
His sympathetic wife was right there with a tall cool drink and a
comforting word.
"My, you look tired," she said. "You must have had a hard day today.
What happened to make you so exhausted?"
"It was terrible," her husband said, "The computer broke down and all
of us had to do our own thinking."
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An old soldier was celebrating 82 years on this Earth. He spoke to his
toes.
"Hello, toes!" he said, "how are you, toes? You know, you are 82 today.
Oh, the times we've had! Remember when we walked in the park
in summer every Sunday afternoon? The times we waltzed on the dance
floor?
Happy birthday, toes!"

"Hello, knees," he continued. "How are you, knees?
You know you're 82 today. Oh, the times we've had! Remember when we
marched in the parade? Oh, the hurdles we've jumped together. Happy
birthday, knees!"
Then, he looked down at his crotch. "Hello Willy!
If you were alive today, you'd be 82 years old!"
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Blonde Moments!

A man hires a blonde to paint stripes down a road, but she has to keep
the contract and do at least four miles each day. The first day, the
blonde does 8 miles. The boss is extremely impressed. The second day
the blonde does 4 miles. The boss is somewhat impressed, but not as
much as before.
The third day, the blonde does two miles. The boss thinks she is just
having a bad day, so he still lets her keep the job. The fourth day,
the blonde only does 1 mile.
The boss asks, "You were doing so well before. Why aren't you
doing well now?!" The blonde replies, "I can't get far because each day
I'm getting further and further away from the bucket."
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