[bonyhadi]

What is the first thing a blonde learns when she takes driving lessons?

You can also sit upright in a car.
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A hillbilly was in jail serving 30 years for robbing banks. After serving about 12 years he is notified that his Uncle Joe from Chicago has
died and left him over $100,000. The hillbilly was so happy when the warden said he would put it in trust until he was released.
The warden asked him if there was anything he wanted to buy before tying the money up.
The Hillbilly said he had read a lot about computers and wanted a computer.
The warden said, "Sure" and got him a computer. A brand new Compaq computer.
After a few weeks the warden visited him in his cell to see how he was doing. To his amazement he saw the computer smashed on the
floor.
The warden asked the Hillbilly what happened.
The Hillbilly said it didn't work right and he got mad. He said it would not even complete the simplest task.
The warden asked him what he wanted the computer to do.

The Hillbilly said he just wanted one thing from the computer. One simple task and it could not do it. The Hillbilly said, "I hit the ESCAPE
key and nothing happened!!"
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Women believe if a pet cat strays, it's because of a lack of affection at home.

Women believe if a pet dog strays, it's because of a lack of affection at home.

Women believe if a woman strays, it's because of a lack of affection at home.

Women believe if a man strays, it's because men are scum.
~~~~~~~


Find the person who will love you because of your differences and
not in spite of them and you have found a lover for life.

~ Leo Buscaglia

My 13 yr old son asked my why I didn't have a
boyfriend. I was recovering from surgery and spent
most of the day in bed. I told him the TV was my
boyfriend, he entertained me all the time.

The TV set was old and would just shut itself off for
no reason. I'd give it a few hard whacks on the side
and it would come back on, it was no big deal to me.

The pastor stopped by to check on my recovery and my
son answered the door.

At that time I was trying to get the TV to come back
on. The pastor asked my son if I was busy. My little
one said, "No, sir, she is just in the bedroom banging
her boyfriend".
~~~~~~


A man was admitted to the hospital suffering from premature
ejaculation. The doctors said it was touch and go.
~~~~~

How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.

~~~~~~~

Dennis Miller on the Pledge Situation

Much has been said and written about this, but nobody can quite put an insightful and acerbic spin on it like Dennis Miller. Check this
out:

Isn't it great we live in a country where a federal appeals court can declare the Pledge of Allegiance unconstitutional because the
words "under G-d" are a violation of separation of church and state? Well, you know something, your honors: following that logic,
wouldn't the fact that you were sworn in with your hand on a Bible render you unemployed?
Or maybe we should respond by withholding your obviously
unconstitutional "In G-d we trust" paychecks, huh? Or why don't we just change the phrase to "One nation under a crushing blanket of
overly sensitive political correctness?"

If you haven't heard, Michael Newdow, a 49-year old atheist, created a media sensation this week after bringing a lawsuit on behalf of
his 8-year old daughter. Well, Mikey, you did a great job of protecting your kid, didn't ya? Put her in the middle of this jingoistic
maelstrom. Yeah, you are the dad of the year. Why don't you pick your trophy up when it's safe to come out of hiding?

By the way, to all the people out there making death threats against this man and his daughter: if G-d had wanted you to kill in His
name, you'd be living in the Middle East, not the Midwest.

Well, anyway, it's good to know that all children are now guaranteed the right to come into their classroom in the morning and burn the
flag, as long as they don't salute it.

You know folks, I haven't quite figured out the math on this one yet, but I think the aggrieved minority in this culture now is the
majority.

And, by the way, to the two judges who authored this fiasco: instead of church and state, maybe you should be worried about the
separation of your head and your a**.