[bonyhadi]

DIFFERENT WAYS TO PHONE IN A PIZZA ORDER:

* Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."
* Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out.
* Ask what the order taker is wearing.
* change your accent every three seconds.
* Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.
* Imitate the order taker's voice.
* Belch directly into the mouthpiece; then tell your dog it should be ashamed.
* Call to complain about service. Later, call to say you were drunk and didn't mean it.
* Ask for the guy who took your order last time.
* Start the conversation by reciting today's date and saying, "This may be my last entry."
* When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated again, change it again.
On the third time, say "You just don't get it, do you?"







Two guys are trying to get in a quick eighteen holes, but there are two
terrible lady golfers in front of them hitting the ball everywhere but
where its supposed to go.
The first guy says, "Why don't you go over and ask if we can play
through?" The second guy gets about halfway there and comes back. The
first guy says, "What's wrong?"
He says, "One of them is my wife, and the other one is my mistress." The
first guy says, "That could be a problem. I'll go over."
He gets about halfway there and comes back. The second guy says, "What's
wrong?"
The first guy says, "Small world.














Thought you might appreciate the subtlety of this ad, done by a Brazilian ad agency, for a lubricating gel
(K-Y equivalent) targeting the French market.

They were trying to come up with an ad that is not offensive or tasteless.

The picture looks completely innocent until you notice the details...

Apparently, it has created quite a buzz in Europe







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An Old Geezer Quiz

1. In the 1940's, where were automobile headlight dimmer switches located?
a. On the floor shift knob
b. On the floor board, to the left of the clutch
c. Next to the horn

2. The bottle top of a Royal Crown Cola bottle had holes in it. For what was it used?
a. Capture lightning bugs
b. To sprinkle clothes before ironing
c. Large salt shaker

3. Why was having milk delivered a problem in northern winters?
a. Cows got cold and wouldn't produce milk
b. Ice on highways forced delivery by dog sled
c. Milkmen left deliveries outside of front doors and milk would freeze, expanding and
pushing up the cardboard bottle top.

4. What was the popular chewing gum named for a game of chance?
a. Blackjack
b. Gin
c. Craps!

5. What method did women use to look as if they were wearing stockings when none were
available due to rationing during W.W.II?
a. Suntan
b. Leg painting
c. Wearing slacks

6. What postwar car turned automotive design on its ear when you couldn't tell whether it
was coming or going?
a. Studebaker
b. Nash Metro
c. Tucker

7. Which was a popular candy when you were a kid?
a. Strips of dried peanut butter
b. Chocolate licorice bars
c. Wax coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water inside

8. How was Butch wax used?
a. To stiffen a flat-top haircut so it stood up
b. To make floors shiny and prevent scuffing
c. On the wheels of roller skates to prevent rust

9. Before inline skates, how did you keep your roller skates attached to your shoes?
a. With clamps, tightened by a skate key
b. Woven straps that crossed the foot
c. Long pieces of twine

10. As a kid, what was considered the best way to reach a decision?
a. Consider all the facts
b. Ask Mom
c. Eeny-meeny-miney-mo

11. What was the most dreaded disease in the 1940's?
a. Smallpox
b. AIDS
c. Polio

12. "I'll be down to get you in a ________, Honey"
a. SUV
b. Taxi
c. Streetcar

13. What was the name of Caroline Kennedy's pet pony?
a. Old Blue
b. Paint
c. Macaroni

14. What was a Duck-and-Cover Drill?
a. Part of the game of hide and seek
b. What you did when your mom called you in to do chores
c. Hiding under your desk, and covering your head with your arms in an A-bomb drill

15. What was the name of the Indian Princess on the Howdy Doody show?
a. Princess Summerfallwinterspring
b. Princess Sacajewea
c. Princess Moonshadow

16. What did all the really savvy students do when mimeographed tests were handed out in
school?
a. Immediately sniffed the purple ink, as this was believed to get you high*
b. Made paper airplanes to see who could sail theirs out the window
c. Wrote another pupil's name on the top, to avoid your failure

17. Why did your mom shop in stores that gave Green Stamps with purchases?
a. To keep you out of mischief by licking the backs, which tasted like bubble gum
b. They could be put in special books and redeemed for various household items
c. They were given to the kids to be used as stick-on tattoos

18. Praise the Lord, and pass the _________?*
a. Meatballs
b. Dames
c. Ammunition

19. What was the name of the singing group that made the song "Cabdriver"* a hit?
a. The Ink Spots
b. The Supremes
c. The Esquires

20. Who left his heart in San Francisco?
a. Tony Bennett
b. Zavier Cugat
c. George Gershwin- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -ANSWERS:1. b) On the floor, to the
left of the clutch. Hand controls, popular in Europe, took till the late '60s to catch on.

2. b) To sprinkle clothes before ironing. Who had a steam iron?

3. c) Cold weather caused the milk to freeze and expand, popping the bottle top.

4. a) Blackjack Gum.

5. b) Special tan makeup was applied, followed by drawing a seam down the back of the leg
with eyebrow pencil.

6. a) 1946 Studebaker.

7. c) Wax coke bottles containing super-sweet colored water.

8. a) Wax for your flat top (butch) haircut.

9. a) With clamps, tightened by a skate key, which you wore on a shoestring around your
neck.

10. c) Eeny-meeny-miney-mo.

11. c) Polio. In beginning of August, swimming pools were closed, movies and other public
gathering places were closed to try to prevent spread of the disease.

12. b) Taxi. Better be ready by half-past eight!

13. c) Macaroni.

14. c) Hiding under your desk, and covering your head with your arms in an A-bomb drill.

15. a) Princess Summerfallwinterspring. She was another puppet.

16. a) Immediately sniffed the purple ink to get a high.

17. b) Put in a special stamp book, they could be traded for household items at the Green
Stamp store.

18. c) Ammunition, and we'll all be free.

19. a) The all male, all black group: The Inkspots.

20. a) Tony Bennett, and he sounds just as good today.- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
17-20 correct: You are not only older than dirt, but obviously gifted with mind bloat. Now if
you could only find your glasses, so that you could find your viagra.
12-16 correct: Not quite dirt yet, but your mind is definitely muddy. Occasional erection
problems.
0-11 correct: You are a sad excuse for a geezer or you are younger than springtime. Have
fun now....old is coming.