Five men end up stranded on a tropical island. The only female
around is a gorilla on the other end of the island. After one
whole month the guys are all sitting around and Garry stands up
and says, "I'm so horny, I can't take it anymore!" So he grabs a
bag and storms off to the other side of the island with his pals
right behind him.
They catch the gorilla, each guy grabs an arm or leg and Garry
puts the bag over the gorilla's head. He climbs on top of the
gorilla and begins to do the nasty.
The gorilla fights and struggles and finally gets an arm free
and she wraps it around Garry's back. Then she gets both feet
free and wraps them around Garry's waist. She gets her other arm
free and grabs on to his hips and starts pulling him in harder
and harder.
Garry yells to his buddies...."Get it off!! Get it off!!
They said, "You're the one on top, we can't get her off of you."
"The bag, the bag dammit... I want to kiss the *****!"
This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years.
The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake
his wife
and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.
Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it
and that
it was perfectly natural.
She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.
The years went by and he continued to rip them out. Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and
he
was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare
parts
and a malicious thought came to her.She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling
back the
bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.
Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound
of
frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears
in her
eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She
bit her
lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said, "Honey, you were right.
All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you."
"What do you mean?" asked his wife.
"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of
God, some
Vaseline, and these two fingers, I think I got most of them back in.
The Whorehouse Doors!
A fellow passed a house with a little red light burning in front, so he stepped inside. There was nothing in sight and nothing
there but an
empty bare hallway, with two doors reading, "Over 35" and "Under 35."
He decided to be truthful and entered the door that said, "Over 35."
He found himself in another empty hallway, this one with two doors that read, "Over 8 inches" and "Under 8 inches."
Truthful again, he went through the "Under 8 inches" door and found himself in another empty hall, with two more doors reading,
"Once a
night"
and "Over
4 times a night."
Still wanting to be truthful, he entered the door marked "Once a night"
and found himself back out on the street.
The moral of this story is:
"Always tell the truth and you'll never get screwed."
