[bonyhadi]

The Love Dress
A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married son's
house. She rang the doorbell and walked in. She was shocked to see
her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music
was playing; the aroma of perfume filled the room.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work," the
daughter-in-law answered.
"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.
"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.
"Love dress? But you're naked!"
"My husband loves me to wear this dress," she explained. "It
excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he
instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He
can't get enough of me."
The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed,
showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a
romantic CD and lay on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive.
Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw
her lying there so provocatively.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"This is my love dress" she whispered, sensually.
"Needs ironing," he said.














An Australian guy goes into a bar in the Greek Islands. Jill, the
>Australian barmaid takes his order and notices his Australian
>accent. Over the course of the night they talk quite a bit. At the
>end of the night he asks her if she wants to have sex with him.
>Although she is attracted to him she says no. He then offers to pay
>her $200 for the deed. Jill is traveling the world and because she
>is short of funds she agrees.
>The next night the guy turns up again and after showing her plenty
>of attention throughout the night he asks if she will sleep with him
>again for $200. She figures in for a penny in for a pound - and it
>was fantastic the night before - so she agrees.. This goes on for 5
>nights.
>On the sixth night the guy comes into the bar, but this night he
>orders a beer and just goes and sits in the corner. Jill is
>disappointed and thinks that maybe she should pay him more
>attention. She goes over and sits next to him. She asks him where he
>is from and he tells her Melbourne.
>"So am I" she says. "What suburb in Melbourne."
>"Glen Iris" he says.
>"That's amazing" she says, "so am I - what street?"
>"Cameo street" he says."
>"This is unbelievable" she says, "what number?"
>He says "Number 20" and she is astonished.
>"You are not going to believe this" she says, "I'm from number 22
>and my parents still live there!"
>"I know" he says "your father gave me $1,000 to give you!"
>
>He who drinks Australian - thinks Australian!
>



A blonde, tired of being made fun of and
determined to end it all,
grabs a rope and heads out to the park, where
there are lots of trees.

A couple of hours later a man is walking by and
sees the blonde,
hanging from a tree by the waist.

"Can I help you with something, miss?" asks the
man.

"No thanks. I've just had it with the world and
with everyone making
fun of me, so I'm hanging myself." replies the
blonde.

"Well, you've got to put the rope around your
neck if you want to do
that," offers the man helpfully.

"Well, I tried that," says the blonde, "but I
couldn't breathe."









ATTENTION ALL EMPLOYEES:-

SICKDAYS We will no longer accept a doctor's sicknote as proof of sickness. If you are able to get to the doctor, you are able
to come into work.

SURGERY Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider having
anything removed. We
hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

HOLIDAYS Each employee will receive 104 holidays per year. They are to be called Saturday and Sunday.

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends or relatives. Every effort
should be made to have
non-employees to attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be
scheduled for the late afternoon. We
will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch-hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work
is done.

ABSENT FOR YOUR OWN DEATH This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice as it is your duty
to train your own
replacement.

TOILET USE Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilets. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in
alphabetical order. For instance:

All employees whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8.00 to 8.20, employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8.20 to
8.40 and so on. If you are unable to
go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies
employees may swap their time with a
co-worker. Both workers supervisors must approve this exchange in writing.

In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the toilets. At the end of 3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet
paper will retract, and the door will open.

LUNCH BREAK Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to eat more so they can look healthy, normal size people get 30
minutes for lunch to maintain
their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch because that's all the time needed to drink a Slimfast and take a diet
pill.

DRESS CODE It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing fancy trainers or
clothing we will assume that you are
doing well financially and therefore do not need a payrise.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions,
comments, concerns, complaints,
frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations,allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternations or input should be
directed elsewhere.

Have a nice day


The Management