[bonyhadi]

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a
neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him, but was moved by
Arthur's youthful happiness.

So he offered him freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult
question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer; if, after a
year, he still had no answer, he would be killed.

The question was: What do women really want? Such a question would perplex
even the most knowledgeable man, and, to young Arthur, it seemed an
impossible query. Well, since it was better than death, he accepted the
monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.

He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everybody: the princess, the
prostitutes, the priests, the wise men, the court jester. In all, he spoke
with everyone but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

What most people did tell him was to consult the old witch, as only she
would know the answer. The price would be high, since the witch was famous
throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no alternative but to talk
to the witch. She agreed to answer his question, but he'd have to accept
her price first: The old witch wanted to marry Gawain, the most noble of
the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!

Young Arthur was horrified: she was hunchbacked and awfully hideous, had
only one tooth, smelled like sewage water, often made obscene noises...

He had never run across such a repugnant creature He refused to force his
friend to marry her and have to endure such a burden. Gawain, upon learning
of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He told him that nothing was too big of
a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table.

Hence, their wedding was proclaimed, and the witch answered Arthur's
question: What a woman really wants is to be able to be in charge of her
own life. Everyone instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth
and that Arthur's life would be spared. And so it went.
The neighboring monarch spared Arthur's life and granted him total freedom.

What a wedding Gawain and the witch had! Arthur was torn between relief and
anguish. Gawain was proper as always, gentle and courteous.

The old witch put her worst manners on display. She ate with her hands,
belched and farted, and made everyone uncomfortable.

The wedding night approached: Gawain, steeling himself for horrific night,
entered the bedroom.

What a sight awaited! The most beautiful woman he'd ever seen lay before
him! Gawain was astounded and asked what had happened. The beauty replied
that since he had been so kind to her (when she'd been a witch), half the
time she would be her horrible, deformed self, and the other half, she
would be her beautiful maiden self.

Which would he want her to be during the day and which during the night?

What a cruel question? Gawain began to think of his predicament:

During the day a beautiful woman to show off to his friend , but at night,
in the privacy of his home, an old spooky witch? Or would he prefer having
by day a hideous witch, but by night a beautiful woman to enjoy many
intimate moments?

What would you do?

What Gawain chose follows below, but don't read until you've made your own
choice.
(scroll down)








Noble Gawain replied that he would let her choose for herself.

Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time,
because he had respected her and had let her be in charge of her own life.

What is the moral of this story?

The moral is that it doesn't matter if your woman is pretty or ugly, smart
or dumb, underneath it all, she's still a witch.









SUCCESS:
At age 4 success is not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is having friends.
At age 16 success is having a drivers license.
At age 20 success is having sex.
At age 35 success is having money.
At age 50 success is having money.
At age 60 success is having sex.
At age 70 success is having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is having friends.
At age 80 success is not peeing in your pants.







STOCK MARKET EXPLAINED

Bull Market - A random market movement causing an investor to
mistake himself for a financial genius.

Bear Market - A 6 to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance,
the wife gets no jewelry and the husband gets no sex.

Momentum Investing - The fine art of buying high and selling low.

Value Investing - The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E ratio - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the
Market keeps crashing.

Broker - Poorer than you were last year.

"Buy, Buy" - What you said to your money last year.

Standard & Poor - Your life in a nutshell.

Stock Analyst - Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

Stock split - When your ex-wife and her lawyer split all your assets
equally between themselves.

Financial Planner - A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he
runs to the 7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes.

Market Correction - The day after you buy stocks.

Cash Flow - The movement your money makes as it disappears down the
Toilet.

Call Option - Something people used to do with a telephone in
ancient times before e-mail.

Day Trader - Someone who is disloyal from 9-5.

Cisco - Sidekick of Pancho.

Yahoo - What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240
per share.

Windows 2000 - What you jump out of when you're the sucker that
bought Yahoo for $240 per share.

Institutional Investor - Past year investor who's now locked up in a
nut house.

Profit - Religious guy who talks to God.

Bill Gates - Where God goes for a loan.









Everything Southern has its Yankee counterpart....

Here's how to tell which is which: The North has sun-dried toe-mah-toes The South has 'mater samiches

The North has coffeehouses The South has Waffle Houses

The North has Mom The South has Mama

The North has switchblade knives The South has Lee Press-on Nails

The North has saving the whales The South has getting saved

The North has double last names The South has double first names

The North has sensational tabloids The South has neighbors

The North has the Mafia, The South has NASCAR

The North has Indy car races The South has Swamp Buggy races

The North has multiple branched family trees The South has family trees with trunks and no branches

The North has Cream of Wheat or Oatmeal The South has grits

The North has green salads The South has collard greens and chitlins

The North has lobsters The South has crawdads

The North has flower gardens, bird baths, and flagpoles in front yards The South has cars on blocks, pink flamingos, and washtubs
in front yards.













Life Explained.

On the first day God created the cow. God said, "You must go to field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have
calves and give milk to support the
farmer. I will give you a life span of sixty years."

The cow said, "That's a kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. Let me have twenty years and I'll give back the
other forty."

And God agreed.

On the second day, God created the dog. God said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks
past. I will give you a life span
of twenty years." The dog said, "That's too long to be barking. Give me ten years and I'll give back the other ten."

So God agreed (sigh).

On the third day God created the monkey. God said, entertain people, do monkey tricks, make them laugh. I'll give you a twenty
year life span." Monkey said, "How
boring, monkey tricks for twenty years? I don't think so. Dog gave you back ten, so that's what I'll do too, okay?"

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day God created man. God said, "Eat, sleep, play, have sex, enjoy. Do nothing, just enjoy, enjoy. I'll give you
twenty years." Man said, "What? Only
twenty years? No way man. Tell you what, I'll take my twenty, and the forty cow gave back, and the ten dog gave back and the ten
monkey gave back. That makes
eighty, okay?"

"Okay," said God. "You've got a deal."

So that is why for the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, have sex, enjoy, and do nothing; for the next forty years we slave
in the sun to support our family; for the
next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain our grandchildren; and for the last ten years we sit in front of the house and
bark at everybody.

Life has now been explained