IF "AOL" OWNED YOUR CITY...
You'd live in a place where no two people had the same name.
You'd only pay $21.95 a month to live there, but half the time you
tried to leave your house, the door would be stuck.
The local post office would tell your mother you're not a known
resident.
If you saw a crime and called 911, they'd reply a week later with a
form letter saying how you "really are important to us."
You'd not have any idea who your neighbors are, and most new arrivals
would move in at night, stuff everyone's mailbox with garbage,
and vacate before sun up.
Whenever you traveled to other cities, people would see your license
tag and laugh at you, behind your back.
Every time you went shopping, you'd be kicked out of the store by a
bouncer screaming, "WE'RE SORRY, THIS STORE IS TEMPORARILY
UNAVAILABLE."
:-)
*
Ten Answers Men Would Like to Give to Woman's Stupid Questions...
1. No we can't be friends; I just want you for sex.
2. The dress doesn't make you look fat, it's all that ice cream and chocolate you eat that makes you look fat.
3. You've got no chance of me calling you.
4. No, I won't be gentle.
5. Of course you have to swallow.
6. Well yes actually, I do this all the time.
7. I hate your friends.
8. I have every intention of using you, and no intention of speaking to you after tonight.
9. I'd rather watch a porno.
10. Eat it???** It took me ten beers to get up the courage to screw it.
A Wealthy playboy met a beautiful young girl in an exclusive lounge. He
took her up to his lavish apartment where he soon discovered she was not
a tramp, but was well groomed and apparently very intelligent. Hoping
to impress her, he began showing her his collection of expensive
paintings, first editions of famous authors and offered he a glass of
wine.
He asked her if she preferred Port or Sherry and she said, "Oh, Sherry
by all means. To me it is the nectar of the gods, Just looking at it in
a crystal-clear decanter fills me with a glorious sense of anticipation.
When the stopper is removed and the gorgeous liquid is poured into my
glass, I inhale the enchanting aroma and I'm lifted on the wings of
ecstasy. It seems as though I'm about to drink a magic potion and my
whole being begins to glow. The sounds of a thousand violins being
softly played fills my ears and I am transported into another world."
"On the other hand, Port makes me fart."
An old man woke up in the middle of the night and found,
to his utter astonishment, that his pecker was as hard as a
rock for the first time in two years.
He shook his wife by the shoulder until she woke up and
showed her his enormous boner.
"You see that thing, woman?" he happily exclaimed.
"What do you think we ought to do with it?"
With one eye open, his wife replied, "Well, now that you've
got all the wrinkles out, this might be a good time to wash it."
Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of them
decides to call 911:
Blonde: We need help. We're three blondes changing a light bulb.
Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb?
Blonde: Yes.
Operator: The power in the house in on?
Blonde: Of course.
Operator: And the switch is on?
Blonde: Yes, yes.
Operator: And the bulb still won't light up?
Blonde: No, it's working fine.
Operator: Then what's the problem?
Blonde: We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and we all fell and
hurt ourselves.
IF "AOL" OWNED YOUR CITY...
You'd live in a place where no two people had the same name.
You'd only pay $21.95 a month to live there, but half the time you
tried to leave your house, the door would be stuck.
The local post office would tell your mother you're not a known
resident.
If you saw a crime and called 911, they'd reply a week later with a
form letter saying how you "really are important to us."
You'd not have any idea who your neighbors are, and most new arrivals
would move in at night, stuff everyone's mailbox with garbage,
and vacate before sun up.
Whenever you traveled to other cities, people would see your license
tag and laugh at you, behind your back.
Every time you went shopping, you'd be kicked out of the store by a
bouncer screaming, "WE'RE SORRY, THIS STORE IS TEMPORARILY
UNAVAILABLE."
:-)
*
Ten Answers Men Would Like to Give to Woman's Stupid Questions...
1. No we can't be friends; I just want you for sex.
2. The dress doesn't make you look fat, it's all that ice cream and chocolate you eat that makes you look fat.
3. You've got no chance of me calling you.
4. No, I won't be gentle.
5. Of course you have to swallow.
6. Well yes actually, I do this all the time.
7. I hate your friends.
8. I have every intention of using you, and no intention of speaking to you after tonight.
9. I'd rather watch a porno.
10. Eat it???** It took me ten beers to get up the courage to screw it.
A Wealthy playboy met a beautiful young girl in an exclusive lounge. He
took her up to his lavish apartment where he soon discovered she was not
a tramp, but was well groomed and apparently very intelligent. Hoping
to impress her, he began showing her his collection of expensive
paintings, first editions of famous authors and offered he a glass of
wine.
He asked her if she preferred Port or Sherry and she said, "Oh, Sherry
by all means. To me it is the nectar of the gods, Just looking at it in
a crystal-clear decanter fills me with a glorious sense of anticipation.
When the stopper is removed and the gorgeous liquid is poured into my
glass, I inhale the enchanting aroma and I'm lifted on the wings of
ecstasy. It seems as though I'm about to drink a magic potion and my
whole being begins to glow. The sounds of a thousand violins being
softly played fills my ears and I am transported into another world."
"On the other hand, Port makes me fart."
An old man woke up in the middle of the night and found,
to his utter astonishment, that his pecker was as hard as a
rock for the first time in two years.
He shook his wife by the shoulder until she woke up and
showed her his enormous boner.
"You see that thing, woman?" he happily exclaimed.
"What do you think we ought to do with it?"
With one eye open, his wife replied, "Well, now that you've
got all the wrinkles out, this might be a good time to wash it."
Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of them
decides to call 911:
Blonde: We need help. We're three blondes changing a light bulb.
Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb?
Blonde: Yes.
Operator: The power in the house in on?
Blonde: Of course.
Operator: And the switch is on?
Blonde: Yes, yes.
Operator: And the bulb still won't light up?
Blonde: No, it's working fine.
Operator: Then what's the problem?
Blonde: We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and we all fell and
hurt ourselves.
A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he
reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was.
Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her
and noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.
"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked.
"They're mating," her father replied.
"What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" she asked.
"That's a Daddy Longlegs," her father answered.
"So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked.
"No," her father replied. "Both of them are Daddy Longlegs."
The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped
them flat.
"Well, we're not having any of that **** in our garden."
===========================
A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he
reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was.
Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her
and noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.
"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked.
"They're mating," her father replied.
"What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" she asked.
"That's a Daddy Longlegs," her father answered.
"So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked.
"No," her father replied. "Both of them are Daddy Longlegs."
The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped
them flat.
"Well, we're not having any of that **** in our garden."
===========================
