[bonyhadi]

Three engineering students were discussing the possible designers of
the human body. One said, "It had to be a mechanical engineer, look at
all the joints."
Another said, "No, it had to be an electrical engineer, the nervous
system is just a marvel of millions of electrical connections."
The third said, "Actually, it was a civil engineer.
Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline right through a recreational
area?"
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Max, the schlemiel, can't find a job. He finally applies for a job as
a janitor at the Catholic Church. They decide to give him a trial run
and see what it is like for a Jewish man to work here.

After a week, he is told, "Max, things are working out fine.
We just have a few corrections."

First, when you wash your hands, use the bathroom, don't use the
holy water.
Second, when you hang your coat up, use the cloakroom, do
not hang it on the cross.
Third, my name is Mother Superior, not Mother Shapiro!
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There was the hillbilly woman who came to the hospital to have her
first child. A year later she was back for a second child. The next
year, almost like clockwork, she was back for her third child.
The hospital staff naturally began to expect her, and she was there,
just like clockwork.
In the twelfth year she didn't show, and the staff wondered what
happened...A couple of years later she shows up, but she's not
pregnant.
The hospital staff wonder what happened - did her husband die, or what?

When asked why she hadn't been there having a baby the past couple of
years, she replied "No, no more. Found out what was causin' it."
================================================== ===========
What is a FACT?
A Fact is a bit of grizzle That separates the Muck Hole from the
**** Hole, One slip and your in the **** and that's a Fact!
================================================== ===========
A woman goes into the doctor because she's missed a couple of periods
and takes a test, revealing she's pregnant. So she goes into the doctor
to confirm the results, and finds out she's about 3 1/2 months
pregnant.
"Hmmmm, is this not good news?" He says to her.
"No, not necessarily.. The problem is that I've been with 5
different guys in the past 4 months, I have no idea who the father
could be!"
"Well, it looks as though you may want to contact each of them and
have them come in for DNA testing. Then you'll know for sure." Said the
Doc.
"I can't do that." She says.
"Why not?" The Doctor replies.
"Because, they've changed their Screen Names!!!
================================================== ===========
What is so good about being a toilet seat?
You get a lot of ass!

Why do women close their eyes during sex ?
They can't stand seeing a man have a good time.
=================================================
New Rules Of The Office... will be effective immediately...

DRESS CODE:
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary, if we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers & carrying a $600 Gucci bag, we
assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.

SICK DAYS:
We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

SURGERY:
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you
intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

PERSONAL DAYS:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.

VACATION DAYS:
All employees will take their vacation at the same time every year. The vacation days are as follows: Jan. 1, July 4 & Dec. 25

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have
non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon.
We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done enough.

OUT FROM YOUR OWN DEATH:
This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice, as it is your duty to train your own replacement.

RESTROOM USE:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, all employees
whose names begin with 'A will go from 8 to 8:20, employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8:20 to 8:40 and so on. If you're unable to go at your
allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a
coworker. Both employees' supervisors in writing must approve this exchange.

LUNCH BREAK:
Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy, normal size people get 30 minutes for lunch to get a balance
meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast & take a diet pill. Thank you
for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Have a nice week.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~
Since the wife is eight months into her pregnancy, the husband has to
sleep on the floor to avoid any regrettable mistake, which might happen
pretty easily, for he has been desperate for quite a while now...

Just before lying down on the bed, she glances at him & sees
the poor guy curls up on the floor, eyes stare widely into the empty
air, filled with hopeless desire...

Feeling sorry for her husband,she opens the top drawer of the cabinet,
takes out a fifty dollar bill,and gives it to him:

"Awww, my honey is so depressed... here, take this & go to the woman
next door, she will let you sleep with her tonight... and remember that
this
happens only once... ok?... don't think about it again."

The husband rolls his eyes in disbelief, but afraid that she may change
her mind, he grabs the money and leaves quickly. A few minutes later,
he returns, hands the bill back to the wife & says with much
disappointment:
"She said this is not enough, she wants sixty..."

The wife's face slowly turns red with anger "Damn that *****... when
she was pregnant & her husband came over here...I only charged him
fifty!"
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