[bonyhadi]

Cinderella is now 75 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead Prince, she happily
sits upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat
named Bob for companionship.
One sunny afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared the Fairy Godmother. Cinderella said
"Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?"
The Fairy godmother replied, "Cinderella, you have lived an exemplary life since I last saw
you. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?"
Cinderella was taken aback, overjoyed, and after some thoughtful consideration, and almost
under her breath she uttered her first wish: "I wish I were wealthy beyond
comprehension."
Instantly, her rocking chair was turned into solid gold. Cinderella was stunned. Bob, her old
faithful cat, jumped off her lap and scampered to the edge of the porch, quivering with
fear.
Cinderella said, "Oh thank you, Fairy Godmother."
The Fairy Godmother replied "It is the least I can do. What does your heart want for your
second wish?"
Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said: "I wish I were young and full of the
beauty of youth again".
At once, her wish became reality, and her beautiful youthful visage returned. Cinderella
felt stirrings inside her that had been dormant for years. A long-forgotten vigor and
vitality began to course through her.
Then the Fairy Godmother again spoke, "You have one more wish, what shall you have?"
Cinderella looks over to the frightened cat in the corner and says, "I wish for you to
transform Bob, my old cat, into a kind and handsome young man."
Magically, Bob suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biological make-up that,
when complete he stood before her, a man so beautiful the likes of which neither she nor
the world had ever seen.
The Fairy Godmother again spoke, "Congratulations, Cinderella. Enjoy your new life." And,
with a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, she was gone.
For a few eerie moments, Bob and Cinderella looked into each others eyes. Cinderella sat,
breathless, gazing at the most stunningly perfect man she had ever seen.
Then Bob walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, and held her
close in his young muscular arms. He leaned in close, blowing her golden hair with his warm
breath as he whispered:
.
.
.
.
..."Bet you're sorry you neutered me now".
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A retired gentleman went into the social security office to apply for Social Security. After waiting in line a long time he got
to the counter.
The woman behind the counter asked him for his drivers license to verify his age.
He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home.He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to
have left his wallet at home. "Will I
have to go home and come back now?" he asks.
The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt."So he opens his shirt revealing lots of curly silver hair. She says, "That silver hair on
your chest is proof enough for me," and
she processed his Social Security application.
When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the Social Security office.
She said, "You should have dropped your pants, you might have qualified for disability, too."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
John woke up one morning immensely aroused so he turned over to his wife's side of the
bed. His wife, Heather, had already awakened though, and she was downstairs preparing
breakfast in the kitchen. Afraid that he might spoil things by getting up, John called his
little boy into the room and asked him to' Bring this note to your beautiful Mummy.'The
note read:
The Tent Pole Is Up,
The Canvas Is Spread,
The Hell With Breakfast,
Come Back To Bed.
Heather, grinning, answered the note and then asked her son to 'Bring this to your silly
Daddy.' The note read:
Take The Tent Pole Down,
Put The Canvas Away,
The Monkey Had A Hemorrhage,
No Circus Today.
John read the note and quickly scribbled a reply. Then, he asked his son to take it back to
'The lady in the kitchen'. The note read:
The Tent Pole's Still Up,
And The Canvas Still Spread,
So Drop What You're Doing,
And Come Give Me Some Head.
Laughing, Heather answered the note and then asked her son to 'Take this to the poor man
upstairs'. The note read:
I'm Sure That Your Pole'sThe Best In The Land.
But I'm Busy Right Now,So Do It By Hand!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
If Redneck Men Ruled The World...
Nodding and looking at his watch would be deemed an acceptable response to "I love you."
Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.
When a wife really needed to talk to him during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a
time-out.
Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the ass and a "Nice hustle, you'll get 'em next time" would pretty much do it.
Birth control would come in ale or lager.
The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.
"Sorry I'm late, but I got really wasted last night" would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.
At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and he'd jump out his window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right
into his car like Fred Flintstone.
It'd be considered harmless fun to gather 30 friends, put on horned helmets, and go pillage a nearby town.
Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance.
Tanks would be far easier to rent.
Garbage would take itself out.
Instead of beer belly, you'd get "beer biceps."
Instead of an expensive engage-ment ring, he could present his wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, "You're #1!"
Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.
On Groundhog Day, if he saw his shadow, he'd get the day off to go drinking. Mother's Day, too.
St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month.
Cops would be broadcast live, and you could phone in advice to the pursuing cops. Or to the crooks.
Regis and current co-host would be chained to a cement mixer and pushed off the Golden Gate Bridge for the most lucrative
pay-per-view event in world history.
The victors in any athletic competi-tion would get to kill and eat the losers.
The only show opposite Monday Night Football would be Monday Night Foot-ball from a Different Camera Angle.
It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as he returned it the following day with a full tank of gas.
Every man would get four real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year.
When a cop gave him a ticket, every smart-aleck answer he responded with would actually reduce his fine. As in: Cop: "You know
how fast you were going?" Him:
"All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place." Cop: "Nice one. That's $10 off." Faucets would run "Hot," "Cold," and
"100 proof."
The Statue of Liberty would get a bright red, 40-foot thong.
Daisy Duke shorts would never again go out of style.
Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Old Mother Hubbard Went to the cupboard to fetch her poor dog a bone. When she bent over Rover took over, And gave her a bone of
his own.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~
Mary had a little lamb
It ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up it's ass
and turned it's wool to nylon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An old maid was held up in a dark alley. She explained she
had no money, but the robber insisted that it must be in her bra,
or in her panties and started feeling around.

"I told you I haven't got any money," the spinster said, "but if you
keep doing that, I'll write you a check."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~
Michael is sitting at the bar totally forlorn and drinking up a storm. One of his friends approaches him and asks what's wrong.

Michael says, "Everything is terrible. I've been replaced at work with a computer, and I've been replaced at home with a
vibrator."
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