A married couple are driving along a highway doing sixty mph, the wife
behind
the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks over at her and says, "Honey, I know
we've
been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce."
The wife says nothing but slowly increases speed to seventy mph. He
then
says,
"I don't want you to try to talk me out of it, because I've been
having
an
affair with your best friend, and she's a better lover than you are."
Again the wife stays quiet but speeds up as her anger increases. "I
want
the
house," he insists, pressing his luck. Again the wife speeds up, to
eighty
mph.
He says, "I want the car, too," but she just drives faster and faster.
By now she's up to ninety mph. "All right," he says, "I want the bank
accounts,
and all the credit cards, too." The wife slowly starts to veer toward
a
bridge
overpass piling. This makes him a bit nervous, so he says, "Isn't
there
anything
you want?"
The wife says, "No, I've got everything I need."
"Oh, really," he says, "so what have you got?"
Right before they slam into the wall at a hundred mph, the wife smiles
and
says,
"The airbag"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's about two elderly excited women who were sitting together in the front pew of church with a fiery preacher. When this preacher
condemned the
sin of lust, these two ladies cried out at the top of their lungs.....AMEN... BROTHER!
When the preacher condemned the sin of stealing, they yelled
again....PREACH IT REVEREND!
And when the preacher condemned the sin of lying.... they jumped to their feet and screamed, RIGHT ON BROTHER.... TELL IT LIKE IT
IS..... AMEN!
But when the preacher condemned the sin of gossip, the two got quiet and one turned to the other and said, "He's done quit
preaching and now he's
meddlin'."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
At a wedding rehearsal, the minister told the father
of the bride, "As you give your daughter's hand to the
bridegroom, you should say something nice to him."
The father, a grocery-store manager, took the advice.
During the wedding ceremony, he placed the bride's
hand on his son-in-law's arm and said, "No deposit, no
return."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Day At The Auction
Becky woke up and told her husband, Sam, about her dream
last night.
"I was at an auction for penises. The big ones sold for
$1,000 and the tiny ones as low as $10."
Sam asked, "What about one my size?"
To which Becky replied, "Didn't get a bid!"
Sam wanted revenge, so the next morning he told Becky
about his dream.
"I was at an auction for vaginas. The really tight one's
sold for $1,000 and the loose ones for $10."
Becky asked, "What about one like mine?"
To which Sam responded, "That's where they held the auction."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~
IF YOU WANNA BE HAPPY
http://songexpressions.net/wanna.html
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~
DRUGS
In pharmacology, all drugs have a generic name: Tylenol is
acetaminophen, Aleve is naproxen, Amoxil is amoxicillin, Advil is Ibuprofen, and so on......
The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra,
Considered were:
Mycoxafloppin,
Mydixadrupin,
Mydixarizin,
Mydixadud, and
Alimpdixafixit.
And of course Ibepokin.
