[bonyhadi]

DAUGHTER'S LETTER HOME FROM COLLEGE

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An exact replica of a letter a daughter wrote to her parents from

college:

Dear Mom and Dad,

It has now been three months since I left for college. I have been remiss in writing this and I am very sorry for my thoughtlessness in not having written before. I will
bring you up to date now, but, before you read on, please sit down.

YOU ARE NOT TO READ ANY FURTHER UNLESS YOU ARE SITTING DOWN OKAY!

Well then, I am getting along pretty well now. The skull fracture and the concussion I got when I jumped out of the window of my dormitory when it caught fire shortly
after my arrival are pretty well healed now. Fortunately the fire in the dormitory, and my jump, were witnessed by an attendant at the gas station near the dorm, and
he was the one who called the fire department and the ambulance. He also visited me at the hospital and, since I had nowhere to live because of the burned out
dormitory, he was kind enough to invite me to share his apartment with him. It's really a basement room, but it's kind of cute. He is a very fine boy and we have fallen
deeply in love and are planning to be married. We haven't set the exact date yet, but it will be before my pregnancy begins to show. Yes, Mom and Dad, I am
pregnant. I know how much you are looking forward to being grandparents and I know you will welcome the baby and give it the love, devotion and tender care you
gave me when I was a child. The reason for the delay in our marriage is that my boyfriend has some minor infection which prevents us from passing our pre-marital
blood tests, and I carelessly caught it from him. This will soon clear up with the penicillin injections I am having daily. I know you will welcome him into our family with
open arms. He is kind and, although not well educated, he is ambitious. Although he is of a different race and religion than ours, I know your often expressed
tolerance will not permit you to be bothered by the fact that his skin color is somewhat different than ours. I am sure you will love him as I do. His family background
is good too, for I am told that his father is an important gun-bearer in the village in Africa from which he came.

Now that I have brought you up to date, I want to tell you that there was no dormitory fire, I did not have a concussion or a skull fracture. I was not in the hospital, I
am not pregnant, I am not engaged. I do not have syphilis and there is no man (of any color) in my life.

However, I got a 'D' in History and an 'F' in Science, and I wanted you to see those marks in the proper perspective.

Your Loving Daughter

Linda.