[bonyhadi]

A man with a 25 inch long penis goes to his doctor to complain that he is
having a problem with his cumbersome instrument and has had more than one
complaint.

"Doctor," he asked, in total frustration, "is there anything you Can do for
me?"

The doctor replies, "Medically son, there is nothing I can do. But, I do
know this witch who may be able to help you." So the doctor gives
him directions to the witch.

The man calls upon the witch and relays his story.

"Honorable Witch, my penis is 25 inches long and I need help. Can anything
be done to help me? You are my only hope."

The witch stares in amazement, scratches her head, and then replies, "I
think I may be able to help you with your problem.

Do this. Go deep into the forest. You will find a pond.In this pond, you will find a frog sitting on a log. This frog has magic.
You say to frog, "will you marry me?' When
the frog says no, you will find five inches less to your problem."

The man's face lit up and he dashed off into the forest.

He called out to the frog, "Will you marry me?"

The frog looked at him dejectedly and replied, "NO."

The man looked down and suddenly his penis was 5 inches shorter.

"WOW," he screamed out loud, "this is great!

But it's still too long at 20 inches, so I'll ask the frog to marry me again.

"Frog, will you marry me?" the guy shouted.

The frog rolled its eyes back in its head and screamed back, "NO!"

The man felt another twitch in his penis, looked down, and it was another 5
inches shorter.

The man laughed, "This is fantastic."

He looked down at his penis again, 15 inches long, and reflected for a moment.

Fifteen inches is still a monster, just a little less would be ideal.

Grinning, he looked across the pond and yelled out, "Frog will you marry me?

The frog looked back across the pond shaking its head, How many times do I
have to tell you? NO, NO, NO!!!











Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more

than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants over
100%. How about achieving 103%? Here's a little math that might prove helpful. What makes life 100%?

If...A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21
22 23 24 25 26.

Then, H A R D W O R K Totals 8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 (=98%)



K N O W L E D G E Totals: 11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 (= 96%)

But, A T T I T U D E Totals: 1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 (=100%)

And, B U L L S H I T Totals: 2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 (=103%} So, it stands to reason that hardwork and knowledge will get you close,
attitude will get you there, but bull**** will put you over the top.


And look how far A S S K I S S I N G will take you:

1 19 19 11 9 19 19 9 14 7 (=118%)














There was a tradesman, a painter called Jock, who was very interested in
making a penny where he could, so he often would thin down paint to make
it go a wee bit further.


As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually the
Baptist Church decided to do a big restoration job on the painting of
one of their biggest buildings. Jock put in a bid, and because his price
was so low, he got the job.

And so he set to erecting the trestles and setting up the planks, and
buying the paint and, yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with
turpentine.

Well, Jock was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly
completed when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder, and the

sky opened, the rain poured down,washing the thinned paint from all
over the church and knocking Jock clear off the scaffold to land on the
lawn among the gravestones, surrounded by telltale puddles of the
thinned and useless paint.

Jock was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he
got on his knees and cried: "Oh, God! Forgive me! What should I do?"
And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke...

(you're going to love this)






"Repaint! Repaint! and thin no more!"