[bonyhadi]

in two

A 50 year old man is playing golf one day. He gets to the fourth tee which is a 540 yard par 5. He hits an
incredible drive, 300 yards straight down the fairway. But,
the ball hits a sprinkler head and bounces into the woods.

Upset, the man walks down the fairway and into the woods where his ball has ended up.

Seeing he has about 240 yards left to the hole and pull out his 3 iron.

Attempting the muscle the shot the man swings as hard as he can. The ball hits a tree in front of him and
ricochets back and kills him.

He wakes up in heaven and Saint Peter stands there with a book. "I see your'e a golfer, any good?"

"Hey, I got here in two didn't I?"











This elderly couple is watching one of those television
preachers on TV one night.

The preacher faces the camera, and announces, "My friends,
I'd like to share my healing powers with everyone watching
this program. Place one hand on top of your TV & the other
hand on the part of your body which ails you & I will heal you."

The old woman has been having terrible stomach problems, so
she places one hand on the television, and her other hand
on her stomach. Meanwhile, her husband approaches the television,
placing one hand on top of the TV and his other hand on his groin.

With a frown his wife says, "Ernest, he's talking about
healing the sick, not raising the dead."












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My mother said, "You won't amount to anything because you
procrastinate."

I said, "Just wait."
---Judy Tenuta



A tall, handsome Polish kid is helping a middle-aged
divorcee to her car with her groceries. As they get to the
parking lot, she smiles at him and says, "I've got an itchy *****."

He replies, "Well, you better point it out, lady. All them
Japanese cars look the same to me."











What do you call a drug ring in Dallas? A huddle.

Four Dallas Cowboys in a car, who's driving? The police.

Why can't Michael Irvin get into a huddle on the field
anymore? It is a parole violation for him to associate
with known felons.

Doctors say because of Michael Irvin's broken clavicle,
it will be 6-8 weeks before he can videotape a teammate
having sex.

I understand Chicago is trying to sign Michael Irvin. They
got rid of the refrigerator, so now they want a Coke machine.

The Dallas newspapers reported yesterday that Texas Stadium
is going to take out the artificial turf because the Cowboys
play better on "grass."

The Dallas Cowboys adopted a new "Honor System" -"Yes
your Honor, No your Honor."

The Cowboys had a 12 and 5 season this year, 12 arrests,
5 convictions.

The Cowboys knew they had to do something for their defense,
so they hired a new defensive coordinator: Johnny Cochran

How do the Dallas Cowboys spend their first week at spring-
training? Studying the Miranda Rights.