[Dream Master]

I know this priest and he wouldn't lie. This really Happened, too, I think.

A new priest at his first mass was so
nervous he could hardly speak.
after mass he asked the monsignor how he
had done.

The monsignor replied, "When I am worried
about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a
glass of vodka next to the water glass.
If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So next Sunday he took the monsignor's
advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got
nervous and took a drink.

He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after mass,
he found the following note on the door:

1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.

2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet
his ass.

6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the
late J. C

7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are
not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.

8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick
the **** out of him.

9. When David was hit by a rock and was
knocked off his Donkey, don't say he was stoned
off his ass.

10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."

11. When Jesus broke the bread at the
Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for
it is my body." He did not say "Eat me"

12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary
with the Cherry,"

13. The recommended grace before a meal
is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub,
yeah God.

14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy
pulling contest at St.Peter's, not a
Peter-pulling contest at St.Taffy's.