[bonyhadi]

A minister gave a talk to the Rotary Club on sex. When he got home, he couldn't tell his wife that he had spoken on sex, so he said he had discussed horseback
riding with the members.A few days later, she ran into some men at theshopping center and they complimented her on the speech herhusband had made. She
said, "Yes, I heard. I was surprised about the subject matter, as he's only tried it twice. The first time he got so sore he could hardly walk, and the second time he fell
off."
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Judge & Jury
A trial had been scheduled in a small town, but the court clerk had forgotten to call in a jury panel. Rather than adjourning what he thought
was an exceptionally simple case, the judge ordered his bailiff to go through the courthouse and round up enough people to form a jury.
The bailiff returned with a group of lawyers. The prosecutor felt that it would be an interesting experiment to try a case before a jury of
lawyers, and the defense counsel had no objection, so a jury was impaneled. And the trial went very quickly --after only an hour of
testimony, and very short closing arguments, both sides rested.
The jury was then instructed by the judge, and was sent back to the jury room to deliberate. After nearly six hours, the trial court was
concerned that the jury had not returned with a verdict. The case had in fact turned out to be every bit as simple as he had expected, and it
seemed to him that they should have been back in minutes. He sent the bailiff to the jury room, to see if they needed anything.
The bailiff returned, and the judge asked, "Are they close to reaching a verdict?"
The bailiff shook his head, and replied, "Your honor, they're still doing nomination speeches for the position of foreman."
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This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his
professionalism goes right out the window...He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs. "Do you know what I
am doing?" asks the doctor?
"Yes, checking for abnormalities." she replies.
He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, "Do you know what I am doing
now?" She replies, "Yes, checking for cancer."
Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, "Do you
know what I am doing now?"
She replies, "Yes, getting herpes - that's why I am here!"
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An English professor told her students that there would be no excuse for not showing up for their final exam, except for serious injury,
illness, or a death in the student's immediate family.
A smartass jock in the back of the room asked, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class did its best to stifle their laughter. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled sympathetically at the student, shook her
head, and sweetly said, "You can write with your other hand."
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Mary: I suspect that my ex used to visit prostitutes before we met.
Jill: What makes you think so?
Mary: Well, one night we were just playing around, and he picked me up and headed for the bedroom.
Jill: So?
Mary: So I giggled and asked, "Should I struggle?"
And he asked, "I don't know. Does that cost extra?"
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Marriage still confers one very special privilege. Only a married person can get divorced.
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It was testimony night in the church. A lady got up and said, "We are living in a wicked land where sin is on every hand. I have had a terrible
fight with the old devil all week."
Whereupon her husband, who was sitting glumly by her side, said, "It's not all my fault either; she's tough to get along with."
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Husband to wife: "I'm feeling so depressed today."
Wife: "Why, Honey?"
Husband: "It's just that sometimes I feel so alone and useless."
Wife: "Oh, you don't have to feel so alone. A lot of people think you're useless."
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The morning after an all-night honeymoon extravaganza in bed, the newlywed wife snuggles up to her hubby and asks, "Sweetheart, how
many others were there before me?"
After a few minutes of silence, the wife says, "Well, I'm waiting." And the guy takes a deep breath and says, "Well, I'm still counting."
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Bedtime Prayer For Men
As I lay me down to sleep
I pray for a woman who's very cheap.
One who's sexy, blonde, and long;
Who notices that she's mostly wrong;
One who sucks AND doesn't speak;
And promises to do so once a week.
I pray that she is very randy,
Because one like that would come in handy.
Opens her legs and lies on the floor;
And once I'm done, she begs for more.
Oh! Send me a woman who won't play with my mind
...who knows what she wants, and that's lots from behind!
...one who'll make love till my body's twitchin'
And brings ME a beer when she comes from the kitchen.
I pray that she'll last right up to the end,
And would never complain when I do her best friend.
Thanks in advance and since you know I can't wait,
I'll screw all the rest because it's never too late.
Amen
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"Now, what are you planning to do about that excess weight you're carrying around?" the doctor asked the patient.
"I just can't seem to lose the weight," the patient said. "Must be an overactive thyroid."
"The tests show your thyroid is perfectly normal," the doctor said. "If anything is overactive, it's your fork."
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Social DIS-Graces, Etiquette For The Socially Impaired
Never go to the door when you are picking up someone. Just honk loudly
and continuously and save your energy.
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