Deductions
-----------------------------------
The owner of a small New York sandwich deli was being questioned by an
IRS agent about his tax return. He had reported a net profit of $80,000
for the year.
"Why don't you people leave me alone?" the deli owner said. "I work like
a dog, everyone in my family helps out, the place is only closed three
days a year. And you want to know how I made $80,000?"
"It's not your income that bothers us," the agent said. "It's these
travel deductions. You listed six trips to Florida for you and your
wife."
"Oh, that," the owner said smiling. "It is a legitimate business
expense because we also deliver. "
The Observant Child
----------------------------------
A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his
cousin asks him: "How many women can a man marry?"
"Sixteen!" replies the little boy.
His cousin laughed and asked how he knew this.
"Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up! 4
better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer!"
Top Ways to Piss Off A Man
I am sure that any chick trying ANY of these on a guy would get it back at her ten times worse! Just a
thought ...- Dotty
-> Tell him he has to recite a Shakespeare love sonnet before you agree to do the horizontal bop.
-> Tell him his brother is a better lay.
-> Tell him his sister is better in bed than his brother is.
-> Take the remote control apart and damage the circuit board inside. Put the remote back together. Smile
sweetly while he goes nuts.
-> Create an email account in his best friend's name. Email him suggestive letters and sign it, Love, Floyd.
-> Rub his stomach. Say "Bhudda, Bhudda, bring me luck."
-> Fake an orgasm while riding in the car and stopped at a stop sign. Double points if the car is parked
outside his favorite bar.
-> Subscribe to Woman's World, Cosmo and Redbook. Make the subscription in his name.
-> Clean his tools with his favorite shirt.
-> Give him all kinds of fabulous promises about the best blowjob he's ever had. Just before you start, say
"DAMMIT! Chipped a tooth. Oh well, it won't matter."
-> Tell him you've invited some friends over to play strip poker. Then say that his
golf/fishing/hunting/poker/drinking/etc. buddies should be here any minute.
-> Tell him you've always wanted to be a man and you finally have enough money saved up for the operation.
Triple points awarded if you say it in front of his
parents.
-> Tell him you want to be closer to him all the time, so from now on your gonna use ONLY his razors to
shave your legs.
-> Burn his favorite meal, three times in a row. Make a salad in it's place.
-> Tie him to the bed. Paint his toenails bright red.
-> Tie him to the bed. Put on your sexiest lingerie. Do a striptease for him. Then have a long,
heart-to-heart talk with him.
-> Tie him to the bed. Put on an adult movie with the sound on and the screen turned at an angle that makes
it VERY difficult to see.
-> Call your mom. While he's listening, invite her to move in with you.
-> Buy 1 ticket to his favorite, sold-out sporting event. Say "It was the last one, but to prevent any hard
feelings, I'll just tear it up so we don't have to decide who
goes." Burn the ticket.
-> Out of the blue, look him straight in the eye and say, "It doesn't matter." Ignore him for 30 minutes.
-> Tell him your pregnant and you *think-> he's the father.
-> While he's sleeping, Super Glue his dick to his leg. Say "I was worried it might fall off and you'd lose
it."
-> Write a letter to another guy during sex.
-> Tell him you shoved $200 in $1s into a Chippendale dancer's shorts the last time you went out for a night
on the town with the girls.
The Pilot
---------------------------------
A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool on the
aviation frequencies. So, this was his first time approaching
a field during the night time.
Instead of making any official requests to the tower, he
said: "Guess who?"
The controller switched the field lights off and replied:
"Guess where!"
Angry passenger to luggage claims clerk: If this airline can fly three
thousand miles from New York City and find Los Angeles in the dark, why
can't they find my luggage?
