The Politically Correct Woman
_....._
." ", --She is not a BABE or a CHICK -
/ ___/_ \ She is a BREASTED AMERICAN.
| /- -\ |
\ ( ^\^ ) / --She is not a BLEACHED BLONDE -
'.!\_=_/!.' She is PEROXIDE DEPENDENT.
_<\)_(/>_
/ \ / \ --She is not a BAD COOK -
/ '-' \ She is MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE.
| /\__,__/\ |
\ \ ) ( / / --She is not HALF NAKED -
\/\ /\/ She is WARDROBE IMPAIRED.
\/\ /\/
|)/---\(| --She does not wear TOO MUCH JEWELRY -
| |___| | She is METALLICALLY OVERBURDENED.
|/\___/\|
|\ ^ /| --She does not GAIN WEIGHT -
| `"""` | She is a METABOLIC UNDERACHIEVER.
|_______|
| | | --She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER -
jgs | | | She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.
)_|-'\_
/ /T"._\ --She is not EASY -
'-' She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.
--She is not CONCEITED -
She is INTIMATELY AWARE OF HER BEST QUALITIES.
--She does not want to be MARRIED -
She wants to lock you in DOMESTIC INCARCERATION.
--She does not WEAR TOO MUCH PERFUME -
She commits FRAGRANCE ABUSE.
--She does not TEASE or FLIRT -
She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION.
--She is not DUMB -
She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.
--She does not HAVE A MUSTACHE -
She is IN TOUCH WITH HER MASCULINE SIDE.
--She does not GET YOU EXCITED -
She causes TEMPORARY BLOOD DISPLACEMENT. ,{{}}},
{{/ \}}
--She is not KINKY - }}}^.^{{{
She is a NON-INHIBITED SEXUAL COMPANION. {{\ = /}}
}}})-({{{
--She does not have a KILLER BODY - /{{ \_/ ((\
She is TERMINALLY ATTRACTIVE. / ( ) \
/ /`\- -/`\ \
--She has not BEEN AROUND - \ \ )%O%( / /
She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION. `\\/ \//`
(/ \)
--She does not HATE TELEVISED SPORTS - | |
She is ATHLETICALLY IGNORANT. | |
| |
--She is not an AIRHEAD - / / / \ \ \
She is REALITY IMPAIRED. After | | | |
jgs |/ \|
--She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - / \ / \
She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED. `-' '-`
--She does not GO SHOPPING - She is MALL FLUENT.
--She is not TOO SKINNY - She is SKELETALLY PROMINENT.
--She does not get FAT or CHUBBY - She achieves MAXIMUM DENSITY.
--She is not COLD or FRIGID - She is THERMALLY INACCESSIBLE.
--She is not HORNY - She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.
--She does not WEAR TOO MUCH MAKEUP -
She has reached COSMETIC SATURATION.
--She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is GRAVITY RESISTANT.
--She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE
--She is not a SLUT - She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.
--She is not LOOSE - She is MORALLY IMPAIRED.
--She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS -
She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.
Women think they already know everything, but wait, training courses are now available for
women on the following subjects:
1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before
2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits
3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits
4. Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait until After The Game
5. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet too
6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is His
7. Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, not the First
8. Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking
9. Communication Skills III: Getting What you Want Without Nagging
10. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire
11. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up
12. Introduction to Parking
13. Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space
14. Water Retention: Fact or Fat
15. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter
16. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not for Human Consumption
17. Cooking III: How not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People
18. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully
19. PMS: Your Problem . .. . Not His
20. Dancing: Why Men Don't Like To
21. Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Have
22. Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women Notice
23. Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together
24.
Oil and Petrol: Your Car Needs Both (not just tissues and air fresheners)
25. TV Remotes: For Men Only
26. Getting ready to go out: Start the day before
Please register immediately as courses are in great demand.
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