[bonyhadi]

Top Ten Things NEVER To Say To A Woman During An Argument:

10. "Don't you have some laundry to do or something?"

9. "Oh, you are so cute when you get all pissed off."

8. "You're just upset because your ass is beginning to spread."

7. "Wait a minute...I get it -- what time of the month is it?"

6. "You sure you don't want to consult the Great Oprah on this one?"

5. "Sorry. I was just picturing you naked."

4. "Whoa, time out, honey. Football is on."

3. "Looks like someone had an extra bowl of ***** Flakes this morning."

2. "Is there any way we can do this via e-mail?"

AND THE #1 THING YOU SHOULD NEVER SAY TO A WOMAN DURING AN ARGUMENT....
"Who are you kidding? We both know that thing isn't loaded."
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Q: What's the difference between the 1960's and the 2000's?
A: In the 2000's, a guy goes into a drug store and shouts,
"Give me a box of condoms," and then *whispers* to the clerk,
"and thrown in a pack of cigarettes, too."

Q: What do you get when you try to cross an elephant with a poodle?
A: A dead poodle with a fourteen-inch asshole.

Q: What does a Jewish child molester say?
A: "Pssst, hey kid, ya wanna buy some sweets?"

Q: Why can't Italians roller blades?
A: They're wop-sided.

Q: What do you call a Mexican after a vasectomy?
A: A dry Martinez.

Q: What's the difference between a sewing machine and a lady jogging?
A: A sewing machine only has one bobbin.
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"Counter-terrorism experts are now saying that Osama
Bin Laden may be hiding secret messages in pornographic
websites. You know what that means?
Clinton could find

this guy before Bush does."
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The Top 15 Differences If Everybody Knew Kung Fu

15> Then: David Letterman's camera operator hit by occasional
flying pencil.
Now: David Letterman's camera operator hospitalized
with a throwing star lodged in his skull.

14> Nerdy grade-schoolers bulking up since they always have
plenty of lunch money.

13> Conversations are a ***** to follow with everyone's
lips always out of synch.

12> Handgun Control, Inc. changes name to Hand Control, Inc.

11> David Carradine? Still the same bald-headed old wuss.

10> Drastic increase in hospitalized "This Little Piggie"-playing
grandparents.

9> Forced to rely on his acting skills, Jackie Chan slips
rapidly into a career in Asian porn.

8> With the added fight scenes, "Sleepless in Seattle" isn't
just a chick flick anymore.

7> Martha Stewart demonstrates the importance of fresh meat
by tearing the still-beating heart from a buffalo.

6> Annoying Jehovah's Witnesses dispatched with a simple
roundhouse kick.

5> "The Bob Newhart Show" Drinking Game: Everyone does a shot
whenever Bob beheads someone with a roundhouse
thunder-kick.

4> "Coffee refills are not free? Then taste my fists of death!"

3> In 2000 election, George W. Bush's conventional attack soundly
defeated by Al Gore's "crane technique."

2> "And now, singing our national anthem, the man who wrote it --
Carl Douglas!"


and The Number 1 Difference If Everybody Knew Kung Fu...


1> When a Triad drug lord burns down his father's noodle shop,
Bruce Lee exacts revenge through his practice of the exotic
but deadly art of "Civil Litigation."
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