[bonyhadi]

When you're hungry, he's not. when you're cold, then he's hot.
Then you start that old thermostat war.
When you turn out the light, he goes left, you go right.
Then you get his great symphonic snore.





He was once so romantic, and witty and smart.
How'd he turn out to be such a cranky old fart?
So don't take any bets, this is as good as it gets.
Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight.
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Vacation is that time of year when you get away from the trials and tribulations of the office and enjoy some trials and tribulations with your own family.
Vacation is a time to get away and forget about everything. I know my kids always forget to go to the bathroom before we leave.
I find after most of my vacations that the boss is glad to have me back, almost as glad as the family is to send me back.
Vacation is two weeks where you get away from it all. Then you come back to find that "it all" just waiting patiently on your desk.
It's amazing how you can come back from a two week vacation and find six weeks worth of work on your desk.
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Bill Clinton is getting $12 million for his
memoirs, and Hillary got $8 million
for hers.

That's $20 million for two people who for eight
years repeatedly testified they
couldn't remember anything.
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One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine
when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver
to stop and he got out to investigate.

"Why are you eating grass?," he asked one man.

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.

"Oh, well, you can come with me to my house," instructed the lawyer.

"But, sir, I have a wife and two children with me!"

"Bring them along!," replied the lawyer.

He turned to the other man and said: "You come with us, too."

But, sir, I have a wife and six children!," the second man answered.

"Bring them as well!" answered the lawyer as he headed for his limo.

They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as
large as the limousine. Once underway, one of the poor fellows says:
"Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

The lawyer replied: "Glad to do it. You'll love my place; the grass is
almost a foot tall."
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Teaching Math in 1950:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?

Teaching Math in 1960:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?

Teaching Math in 1970:
A logger exchanges a set "L" of lumber for a set "M" of money.
The cardinality of set "M" is 100. Each element is worth one dollar. Make 100 dots representing the elements of the set "M." The set
"C", the cost of production contains 20 fewer points than set "M." Represent the set "C" as a subset of set "M" and answer the
following question: What is the cardinality of the set "P" of profits?

Teaching Math in 1980:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the
number 20.

Teaching Math in 1990:
By cutting down beautiful forest trees, the logger makes $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class
participation after answering the question: How did the forest birds and squirrels "feel" as the logger cut down the trees? There are no
wrong answers.

Teaching Math in 2002:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $120. How does Arthur Andersen determine that his profit
margin is $60?

Teaching Math in 2010:
El hachero vende un camion carga por $100. La cuesta de production es............
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The Little Jewish Grandmother
A little Jewish grandmother gets on the crowded bus
and discovers that she doesn't have correct change for
the fare.The driver tries to be firm with her, but she
places her hand delicately over her chest and murmurs,
"If you know what I had, you'd be nicer to me."
He caves in and lets her ride for free. She tries to push
her way down the crowded aisle,but people won't move
over for her.She finally places her hand delicately over
her chest and murmurs,"If you know what I had, you'd
be nicer to me."
The crowd parts like the Red Sea and lets her down
the aisle.She gets to the back of the bus where there
are no seats and looks significantly at several people,
none of whom take the hint and get up to offer her
their seat.Once again she places her hand delicately
over her chest and murmurs,"If you know what I had,
you'd be nicer to me."
Several people jump up and insist that she sit down
and ride in comfort. A woman who had been watching
all this leaned over and said to her,"I know this is none
of my business,but just what is it that you've got?"
The little Jewish grandmother smiled and whispered,
"I've got chutzpah!"
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Top 10 things to do to telemarketers!

10. When they ask "How are you today?" Tell them! "I'm so glad you
asked because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these
problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog
just died..."

9. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell
their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them
where it is located. Continue asking them personal questions or
questions about their company for as long as necessary.

8. Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh my! Judy, how have
you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of
pause as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.

7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and
Friends Plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, "I don't have
any friends ....would you be my friend?"

6. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for
bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

5. Tell the telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask
if they could bring you a case of beer and some chips.

4. After the telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry
you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just
give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

3. Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask them
if they will give you their HOME phone number so you can call them
back. When the telemarketer explains that they cannot give out their
HOME number, you say "I guess you don't want anyone bothering
you at home, right?"
The telemarketer will agree and you say, "Now you know how I feel!"
Say good bye -- and Hang up.

2. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke.
"Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"

1. And first and foremost: Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because
you want to write EVERY WORD down.

Well, this is not on the top ten list but I enjoy saying to them,
especially when they sound so "canned" and there's no
doubt in your mind that they are reading it, stumbling
right through it . . ."It's difficult to read it, isn't it?"

You don't dare ask them a question in the middle of
their spiel because they get lost and all messed up.
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Joe Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN) for 6 a.m. While his coffeepot (MADE IN
CHINA) was perking, he shaved with his electric razor (MADE IN HONG KONG). He put on a dress shirt (MADE IN
SRI LANKA), designer jeans (MADE IN SINGAPORE) and tennis shoes (MADE IN KOREA). After cooking his
breakfast in his new electric skillet (MADE IN ITALY) he sat down with his calculator (MADE IN MEXICO) to see how
much he could spend today. After setting his watch (MADE IN TAIWAN) to the radio (MADE IN INDIA) he got in his car
(MADE IN GERMANY) and continued his search for a good paying AMERICAN JOB. At the end of yet another
discouraging and fruitless day, Joe decided to relax for a while. He put on his sandals (MADE IN BRAZIL) poured
himself a glass of wine (MADE IN FRANCE) and turned on his TV (MADE IN INDONESIA), and then wondered why he can't find
a good paying job in.....AMERICA.....