[bonyhadi]

An ambitious yuppie finally decided to take a vacation.
He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life. Until the boat sank. The man found himself swept up
on the shore of an island with no other people, no supplies...Nothing. Only bananas and coconuts. After about four months, he is lying
on
the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to him. In disbelief, he asks her, "Where did you come from?
How did you get here?"

"I rowed from the other side of the island," she says.
"I landed here when my cruise ship sank."

"Amazing," he says. "You were really lucky to have a rowboat wash up with you."

"Oh, this?" replies the woman. "I made the rowboat out of raw material I found on the island; the oars were whittled from gum tree
branches; I wove the bottom from palm branches; and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree."

"But-- but, that's impossible," stutters the man. "You had no tools or hardware. How did you manage?"

"Oh, that was no problem," replies the woman. "On the south side of the island, there is a very unusual strata of alluvial rock exposed.
I found if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable ductile iron. I used that for tools and used the
tools
to make the hardware."

The guy is stunned.

"Let's row over to my place," she says. After a few minutes of rowing, she docks the boat at a small wharf. As the man looks onto
shore, he nearly falls out of the boat. Before him is a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. While the
woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumbstruck.

As they walk into the house, she says casually, "It's not much, but I call it home. Sit down please; would you like to have a drink?"

"No, no thank you," he says, still dazed. "Can't take any more coconut juice."

"It's not coconut juice," the woman replies. "I have a still.
How about a Pina Colada?"

Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they have exchanged their
stories, the woman announces, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is
a razor upstairs in the bathroom cabinet."

No longer questioning anything, the man goes into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet, is a razor made from a bone handle. Two shells
honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside of a swivel mechanism.
"This woman is amazing," he muses. "What next?"

When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but vines-- strategically positioned-- and smelling faintly of gardenias.
She beckons for him to sit down next to her. "Tell me,"
she begins, suggestively, slithering closer to him, "we've been out here for a really long time. You've been lonely.
There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something you've been longing for all these months? You know..." She
stares into his eyes.

He can't believe what he's hearing:

"You mean," he swallows excitedly, "I can check my e-mail from here?"






Mac the sailor docked at New York after a frustrating three-month voyage. Unfortunately he'd lost most of his pay playing poker on
board ship, so when he eventually found a lady of the night all he could offer her was 50 cents and a pair of sneakers.

She refused with disdain.

He wandered around in search of a more accommodating girl, but was refused time and time again. Eventually he found a more
sympathetic lady who told him that although she could not possibly accept his offer herself, he could always try Mabel down the road.
But she warned him not to expect too much as Mabel was very unresponsive and would probably just lie there passively.

He found Mable and as times were hard she reluctantly agreed to accept the 50 cents and the pair of sneakers for her services, but told
him not to expect any kind of response from her.

Mac began the amorous act and after a few minutes was please to find an arm coming around his back. This was followed shortly after by
a leg curling around his rear.

Mac, who had always fancied himself a bit of a Romeo, gasped, "I knew you wouldn't be able to resist my charms."

"Don't worry about me, love," answered Mabel, "I'm just trying on the sneakers."












l
A guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub. Two
blonde genies appear and they tell him he has been granted three wishes.
The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.
The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a mansion surrounded by
50 beautiful women. He makes love to all of them and begins to explore the house. Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet, he
looks down and the floor is covered in $100 bills.
Then, there is a knock at the door. He answers the door and standing there are two people dressed in Klu Klux Klan outfits.
They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a limb and hang him by the neck until he is dead!

As the Klansmen are walking away, they remove their hoods, and it's the two blonde genies. One blonde genie says to the other one, "I
can understand the first wish having all those beautiful women in a big mansion to make love in. I can understand him wanting to be a
millionaire, but why he wanted to be HUNG like a black man is beyond me!"

l







One day, Little Johnny's teacher, Miss Figpot asked the class if they
could name some things you can suck!"

"Ice cream, ma'am!" Little Mary answered.

"Good, Jane." Miss Figpot said, "Anyone else?". "How about a lollipop!"
said Steven.

"Very good, now it's your turn Johnny!", the teacher said. Little
Johnny, sitting at back then answered, "A lamp!".

The teacher and all of the students wondered about his answer. The
teacher asked him, "Johnny, why do you think one can suck a lamp?"

Last night when I passed my parents room", Little Johnny answered, "I
heard my mom say, turn off the lamp, honey and let me suck it."













Lost at Sea, two Irishmen, Patrick & Michael, were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter.
While rummaging through the boat's provisions, Patrick stumbled across an old lamp.
Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously.
To his amazement, a genie came forth.
This particular genie, however, stated that he couldonly deliver one wish,not the standard three.
Without giving much thought to the matter, Patrickblurted out, "Make the entire ocean into Guinness Beer!
The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals.
Simultaneously, the genie vanished.
Only the gentle lapping of Guinness on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances.
Michael looked disgustedly at Patrick and after a long, tension filled moment, he spoke. "Nice going Patrick! Now we're going to have to
pee in the boat."

















An elderly couple sat through a porno movie twice. They didn't get up to leave until the theatre was ready to close for the night. "You
folks must've enjoyed the show," the usher said.
"Disgusting, dirty obscene filth!" said the old lady.
"It was revolting," her husband added." "Vile, gratuitous sex!""Then why did you sit through it twice?" asked the usher.
"We had to wait until you turned up the house lights," the old lady replied.
"We couldn't find my knickers, and his teeth were in them!"