[bonyhadi]

President Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a
bar. A guy walks in and
asks the bartender, "Isn't that Bush and
Powell sitting over
there?"

The bartender says, "Yep, that's them."

So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this
is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?"

Bush says, "We're planning WW III ".

And the guy says, "Really? What's going to
happen?"

Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140
million Iraqis and one blonde with big tits.

The guy exclaimed, "A blonde with big tits?
Why kill a blonde with big tits?

Bush turns to Powell, punches him on the
shoulder and says, "See smart ass!
I told you no one would worry about the 140
million Iraqis.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A VERY INTELLIGENT MAN

George went on a vacation to the Middle East with most of his family, including his Mother-in-law.

During their vacation and while they were visiting Jerusalem, George's mother-in-law died.

With the death certificate in hand George went to the American
Consulate Office to make arrangements to send the body back to the States for
proper burial.

The Consul, after hearing of the death of the Mother-in-law, told George,
"My friend, the sending of a body back to the States for burial is very, very expensive. It could cost as much as $5,000.00 dollars.

The Consul continues, "In most of these cases the person responsible
for the remains normally decides to bury the body here. This would only
cost $150.00 dollars.

George thinks for some time and answers the Consul, I don't care how much it will cost to send the body back; that's what I want to do.

The Consul after hearing this says, "You must have loved your Mother-in-law
very much considering the difference in price from $5,000.00 and $150.00
dollars."

"No, it's not that," says George. "You see, I know of a case many
years ago of a person that was buried here in Jerusalem and on the third day
He was resurrected; consequently, I do not want to take that chance.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A married couple has been stranded on a deserted island for many years. One day another man washes up on shore. He and the wife become
attracted to each
other right away, but realize they must be creative if they are to engage in any hanky-panky. The husband, however, is very glad to see
the second man there."Now
we will be able to have three people doing eight hour shifts in the watch tower, rather than two people doing 12-hour shifts."
The newcomer is only too happy to help and in fact volunteers to do the first shift. He climbs up the tower to stand watch. Soon the
couple on the ground are
placing stones in a circle to make a fire to cook supper.
The second man yells down, "Hey, no screwing!"
They yell back, "We're not screwing!"A few minutes later they start to put driftwood into the stone circle.
Again the second man yells down, "Hey, no screwing!"
Again they yell back, "We're not screwing!"
Later they are putting palm leaves on the roof of their shack to patch leaks. Once again the second man yells down, "Hey, I said no
screwing!"
They yell back, "We're not screwing!"
Eventually the shift is over and the second man climbs down from the tower to be replaced by the husband. He's not even halfway up before
the wife and her new
friend are hard at it.
The husband looks out from the tower and says, "Son-of-a-gun. From up here it DOES look like they're screwing."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Huge 300lbs. woman walks in to a tattoo shop and asks the artist: Woman (southern accent): "Sir could you do a tattoo of Iron Mike Tyson
on this leg?" "And
another of Mohammed Ali on this leg?"
Man: "Sure I think I can do that just come on back and have a seat."
A couple hours later the man gets finished up and shows the woman the final product. The woman takes a look at the tattoo for a while and
says, "Well sir we have
a problem, this doesn't look like Iron Mike Tyson and this sure as hell doesn't look like Mohammed Ali."
The man sits and thinks for a second and says to himself, "man I sure as hell don't want to get into a fight with this 300lbs. woman"...he
sits for a little longer and
comes up with a solution. He tells the woman, "Ok here's the deal, you go out side and the first person you see I want you to ask them if
that tattoo looks like Tyson
and if that one looks like Ali."
So the woman agrees and walks outside to this drunk man walking down the street, she approaches the man pulls up her skirt and asks him:
Woman: "Sir does this
look anything like Iron Mike Tyson to you?"
Drunk: Takes a drink of his wine and says (in a drunk voice), "Naw sure don't." Woman: Well ok now, "Does this look anything like Mohammed
Ali to you?"
Drunk: Taking another sip says nope that sure don't but you see that one in the middle that looks just like Don King..
================================================== ====
The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed on from generation to generation, says that when you discover that you are riding a dead
horse, the best strategy
is to dismount. In modern education and government, however, a whole range of far more advanced strategies are often employed, such
as.....
1. Buying a stronger whip.
2. Changing riders.
3. Threatening the horse with termination.
4. Appointing a committee to study the horse.
5. Arranging to visit other countries to see how others ride dead horses.
6. Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be included.
7. Re-classifying the dead horse as "living,impaired".
8. Hiring outside contractors to ride the dead horse.
9. Harnessing several dead horses together to increasethe speed.
10. Providing additional funding and/or training to increase the dead horse's performance.
11. Doing a productivity study to see if lighterriders would improve the dead horse's performance.
12. Declaring that as the dead horse does not have to be fed, it is less costly, carries loweroverhead, and therefore contributes
substantially more tothe bottom line
of the economy than do some other horses.
13. Re-writing the expected performance requirements for all horses.
14. Promoting the dead horse to a supervisoryposition.
15. And one more very effective way to get more out of a dead horse: Hire some auditors to cook thebooks.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining. - - -

I was talking to an old friend of mine yesterday, and I didn't realize he had just turned 55. When I asked what his wife gave him for his
birthday, he replied, "Same
old thing, a pair of socks and a piece of ass--neither of which fit." - - -

A young boy asked his mother, "Ma, is it true that people can be taken apart like machines?" "Of course not, where did you hear such
nonsense?" replied his
mother. The young boy answered, "The other day, Daddy was talking to someone on the phone, and he said that he screwed the ass off his
secretary." - - -

Vacation is that time of year when you get away from the trials and tribulations of the office and enjoy some trials and tribulations with
your own family.

The middle-aged man was shuffling along, bent over at the waist, as his wife helped him into the doctor's waiting room. A woman in the
office viewed the scene in
sympathy. "Arthritis with complications?" she asked. The wife shook her head. "Noooo....Do-it-yourself," she explained, "with concrete
blocks." - - -