[bonyhadi]

More Favorite Bumper Snickers:
BETTER TO LOSE A LOVER, THAN LOVE A LOSER.

Seen on an old man's car at Misquamicut Beach, RI - If girls are made of sugar and spice, why do they smell like anchovies?

STUPIDITY IS NOT A HANDICAP. Park elsewhere!

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.

If G-d didn't mean for ***** to be eaten, why did he make it look like a taco? - - -

When the man asked his widower father why he'd married a young nymphomaniac whom he could never satisfy instead of a woman his own age,
the old man said,
"Son, I'd rather have ten percent of a good businessthan a hundred percent interest in a bankrupt one."
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20 Types of Men You Might Meet In The Men's Room:
EXCITABLE: Shorts half-twisted around, cannot find hole, rips his shorts. SOCIABLE: Joins friends in piss whether he has to go or not.
CROSSEYED: Looks into next urinal to see how the other guy is fixed.
TIMID: Cannot piss if someone is watching, flushes urinal and comes back later. INDIFFERENT: All urinals being in use, he pisses in the
sink.
CLEVER: No hands, fixes tie, looks around, and usually pisses on the floor. WORRIED: Not sure of where he has been lately, makes a quick
inspection.
FRIVOLOUS: Plays stream up, down and across urinals, tries to hit fly or bug. ABSENT-MINDED: Opens vest, pulls out his tie, pisses in
his
pants.
CHILDISH: Pisses directly in bottom of urinal, likes to see it bubble.
SNEAK: Farts silently while pissing, acts very innocent, knows the man in the next stall will get blamed.
PATIENT: Stands very close for a long while waiting, reads with free hand.
DESPERATE: Waits in a long line, teeth floating, pisses in pants.
TOUGH: Bangs dick on side of urinal to dry it.
EFFICIENT: Waits until he has to crap, and then does both.
FAT: Backs up and takes a blind shot at urinal, pisses on shoes.
LITTLE: Stands on box, falls in, drowns.
DRUNK: Holds left thumb in right hand, pisses in pants.
DISGRUNTLED: Stands for a while, gives up, walks away.
CONCEITED: Holds two-inch dick like a baseball bat.
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What is it about the navy and submarines that women love so much?
Is it the concept of a long, hard cylinder filled with seamen or is it the concept of going down for three months at a time? - - -

Sex Quiz..... 1. The most erotic experience a woman over 35 can have is:
a. having her knees rubbed with sour cream
b. simultaneously using the food processor, the blender, and the microwave
c. reading a sex quiz
d. shopping for shoes

2. When a businessman buys a red Mercedes, he is hoping to:
a. acquire a mistress
b. attract his neighbor's wife
c. preserve his youth
d. get a tax write-off

3. A marriage is in trouble when the husband brings home from the videostore:
a. Kitten with a Whip
b. Sex Slaves of New Haven
c. Emmanuelle II meets Rocky IV
d. The girl who works behind the counter

4. Condoms are not recommended for use:
a. before the 15th of the month
b. after the 15th of the month
c. immediately after sex
d. by children under 10

5. Religious families generally have large families because:
a. they generally have more children
b. they just have natural rhythm
c. the Bible forbids television
d. they're just lucky

6. The Bible condemns homosexuals because:
a. they go to the theater a lot
b. they look too much like heterosexuals
c. they don't keep two sets of clothes
d. it's impossible to determine who should take out the garbage

7. After their 35th birthday, fewer than 10% of women ever achieve:
a. multiple orchids
b. a satisfactory weight-loss program
c. a job that pays as much as a man's
d. comfortable shoes

8. It is not uncommon for the average male to worry about the size of his:
a. bank account
b. piano
c. office
d. necktie

9. In addition to traditional methods, AIDS can also be transmitted by:
a. petting goldfish
b. handling chicken fat
c. kissing the family dog
d. bloody bar room brawls

10. Conception has been known to occur in:
a. the ovarian tubes
b. eustachian tubes
c. the Goodyear tube station
d. back seat of a Camaro

11. "Time of the month" refers to:
a. ovulation
b. undulation
c. a new moon
d. the weekend of AFC vs. NFC championship football

12. Testosterone is a kind of:
a. Italian ice cream
b. testimony given in an Italian court
c. umpire in an Italian cricket match
d. Italian chicken fat

13. An erogenous zone is an area where:
a. women tend to fall asleep
b. women tend to develop sudden headaches
c. men tend to laugh before the punchline
d. it is forbidden to park your rogenous

14. At least 50% of males suffer from premature:
a. emasculation
b. matriculation
c. baldness
d. laughter before the punchline

15. Judeo-Christian tradition frowns on:
a. premarital sex
b. post-marital sex
c. the opposite sex
d. carnal knowledge with non-kosher animals

16. The average frequency of sexual relations is:
a. 78.8 megahertz
b. 92.3 kilohertz
c. 98.4 oyithertz
d. depends on how often your wife works late

17. Which is not considered erotic vocabulary:
a. doo-doo
b. thingamajig
c. doggie-woggie
d. Who owns this *****?
18. In your personal experience, sex is:
a. overrated but undersupplied
b. oversupplied but not overpriced
c. over there but not over here
d. over
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The Viagra Diaryies

Day 1. Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with not much to celebrate. When it came time to reenact our wedding night, he locked
himself in the
bathroom and cried. Wussy.

Day 2. Today, he says he has a big secret to tell me. He's impotent, he says, and he wants me to be the first to know. Why doesn't he
tell me something I don't
know! I mean, gimme a break. He's been dysfunctional for so long that he even walks with a limp.

Day 3. This marriage is in trouble. A woman has needs. Yesterday, I saw a picture of the Washington Monument and burst into tears.

Day 4. A miracle has happened! There's a new drug on the market that will fix his 'problem.' It's called Viagra. I told him that if he
takes Viagra, things will be just
like they were on our wedding night. He said, this time, I'd rather not have your mother join us. I think this will work. I replaced his
Prozac with the Viagra, hoping to
lift something other than his mood.

Day 7. This Viagra thing has gone to his head. No pun intended! Yesterday, at Burger King, the manager asked me if I'd like a Whopper.
He thought they were
talking about him. Get over yourself! Not everything is about you! But, have to admit . . . .

Day 8. I think he took too many over the weekend. Yesterday, instead of mowing the lawn, he was using his new friend as a weed wacker.
Sore as hell. . . .

Day 10. Okay, I admit it. I'm hiding. I mean, a girl can only take so much. And to make matters worse, he's washing the Viagra down
with hardcider! The photo of
Janet Reno isn't working. What am I gonna do? I feel tacky all over . .

Day 11. The side effects are starting to get to him. Everything is turning blue. The other day, we were watching Kenneth Branaugh in
Hamlet and he thought it was
"The Smurfs Do Denmark." Even my armpits hurt. He's a nasty man.

Day 12. OK, I'm basically being drilled to death. It's like going out with a Black and Decker power tool. I woke up this morning
hot-glued to the bed.

Day 13. I wish he was gay. I bought 400 Liza Minelli albums and I keep saying 'fabulous,' and still he keeps coming after me! Even
yawning has become
dangerous . . . .

Day 14. Now I know how Saddam Hussein's wife feels. Every time I shut my eyes, there's a sneak attack! It's like going to bed with a
scud missile. Let's hope he's
not like ex-President Bush and takes 100 days to pull out. . . I can hardly walk and if he tries that "Oops,sorry" butt-thing again, I'm
gonna kill him.

Day 15. I've done everything to turn him off. Nothing is working. I even started dressing like a nun. Now he tells me, "Sister Wendy"
makes "Father Woody" want
to bark like a dog. Help me.

Day 16. I think I will have to kill him. Then he'll go out the way he want to. . . . stiff. With my luck, I won't be able to close the
casket. I'm starting to adhere to
everything I sit on. The cats are afraid of him and the neighbors no longer come over. Last night I told him to **** himself. . . . he
did. He must die.
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