Not Ranked
This was an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the Michigan Department of Environmental
Quality, State of Michigan...and his subsequent response.
Mr Ryan DeVries
2088 Dagget Pierson,
MI 49339
SUBJECT: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023;
T11N; R10W, Sec. 20;
Montcalm County
Dear Mr DeVries
It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental
Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above
referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal
landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized
activity.
Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the
outlet stream of Spring Pond. A permit must be issued prior to the
start of this type of activity. A review of the Department's files
shows that no permits have been issued. Therefore, the Department has
determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland
Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental
Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections
324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.
The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams
partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and
flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature
are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department
therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this
location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by
removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel.
All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31
2002.
Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so
that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff.
Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized
activity on the site may result in this case being referred for
elevated enforcement action.
We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this
matter. Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any
questions.
Sincerely,
David L Price
District Representative
Land and Water Management Division
This is the actual response sent back
Dear Mr. Price,
Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023;
T11N; R10W, Sec. 20;
Montcalm County
Your certified letter dated 12/17/97 has been handed to me to respond
to.
First of all, Mr Ryan DeVries is not the legal landowner and/or
Contractor at 2088 Dagget, Pierson, Michigan. I am the legal owner
and a couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of
constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet
stream of my Spring Pond.
While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project,
I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful
use of natures building materials "debris."
I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their
dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can
safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills,
their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam
persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.
As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they
must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of
dam activity.
My first dam question to you is:
(1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers or
(2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to
said dam request?
If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers,
through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of
all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued.
Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301,
Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental
Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections
324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.
I have several concerns. My first concern is - aren't the beavers
entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are
financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation -
so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The
Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed
during a recent rain event causing flooding is proof that this is a
natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect.
In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather
than harassing them and calling their dam names. If you want the
stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition please contact the
beavers - but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not
pay any attention to your dam letter they being unable to read
English.
In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build
their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is
green and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do
to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources
and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect
the natural resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).
So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be
referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait
until 1/31/2002? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice
then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to
contact/harass them then.
In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real
environmental quality (health) problem in the area. It is the bears!
Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you
should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers
alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your
step! (The bears are not careful>where they dump!)
Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to
contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response
to your dam office.
Sincerely,
Stephen L Tvedte
////////
It's easy to tell if a man is married or not.. Just watch him
drive a car with a woman sitting beside him. If both his hands
are on the wheel, you can be sure he is married.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two priests are in a Vatican bathroom using the urinals. One of them glances at the other one's penis and notices there's a
Nicoderm patch on it.He turns to the
other priest and says, "I believe you're supposed to put that patch on your arm or shoulder, not your penis."The other one replies,
"It's working just fine. I'm down to
2 butts a day."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My Turn
Dick and Sandra were planning to go on a second honeymoon for
their 50th wedding anniversary. Sandra said, "We will
go to all the same places that we did on our first honeymoon."
"Uh huh," said Dick
"We will do all the things that we did on our first honeymoon?"
asked Sandra .
"Uh huh," said Dick.
"And we will make love like we did on our first honeymoon?" asked
Sandra.
"That's right," said Richard, "except this time I get to sit
on the side of the bed and cry, 'It's too big, it's too big!'"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Four convicts were eating in the chow hall one day.
One says, "You guys mind if I fart?"
"No."
"Pfffffffffffffff"
A second guy says, "You guys mind if I fart?"
"No."
"Pffffffffffffff"
A third guy says, "You guys mind if I fart?"
"No."
"Pffffffffffffff"
The fourth guy says, "You guys mind if I fart?"
"No."
"BRRRRRAAAAAPPP!!
The other three guys look astonished. "Wow!! A virgin!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
AOL CAR
The AOL car would have a TOP speed of 40 MPH yet have a 200 MPH speedometer.
The AOL car would come equipped with a NEW and fantastic 8-Track tape player.
The car would often refuse to start and owners would just expect this and try again later.
The windshield would have an extra dark tint to protect the driver from seeing better cars.
AOL would sell the same model car year after year and claim it's the NEW model.
Every now and then the brakes on the AOL car would just "lock-up" for no apparent reason.
The AOL car would have a very plain body style but would have lots'a pretty colors and lights.
The AOL car would have only one door but it would have 5 extra seats for family members.
Anyone dissatisfied could return the car but must continue to make payments for 6 months.
If an AOL car owner received 3 parking tickets AOL would take the car off of them.
The AOL car would have an AOL Cell phone that can only place calls to other AOL car cell
phones.
AOL would pass a new car law forbidding AOL car owners from driving near other car
dealerships.
AOL car mechanics would have no experience in car repair.
Younger AOL car drivers would be able to make other peoples AOL cars stall just for fun.
It would not be possible to upgrade your AOL car stereo.
AOL cars would be forced to use AOL gas that cost 20% more and gave worse mileage.
Anytime an AOL car owner saw another AOL car owner he would wonder, M/F/age?
It would be common for AOL car owners to divorce just to marry another AOL car owner.
AOL car owners would always claim to be older or younger than they really are.
AOL cars would come with a steering wheel and AOL would claim no other cars have them.
Every time you close the door on the AOL car it would say, "Good-Bye."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
|