[bonyhadi]

************************************************** ****
The husband had finally had enough of being *****-whipped. He burst
through the door after work and yelled, " Here's the deal Woman. I
want my dinner on the table in 15 minutes. Afterwards, we're going
upstairs where you'll give me a great blowjob.

Then while I'm in the shower, you'll lay out some clean clothes for me.
Cause I'm going out on the town with the boys. And do you know who's
gonna tie my ****ing tie just the way I like it."

"Yes Dear," she replied. "The undertaker."
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ^^^^^^^^^^^
How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?
At the circus, the clowns don't talk.

What do you call a dwarf Eskimo with a hard on?
A Frigid Midget With A Ridged Digit!
================================================== ===========
Coming back from the ladies' room, the bimbo stormed up to her boyfriend at the bar.
"That man by the pool table just insulted me!" she fumed.
"He told me he wanted to tear off my shirt and suck my tits!"
"Yeah?", her boyfriend jumped from his stool.
"Then he said he was going to rip off my skirt and eat my *****."
"I'm gonna kick his ass," her boyfriend growled, pulling off his jacket.
"You better", the girl egged him on, "because he said he was going to turn me on my head, fill my ***** with whiskey, and drink it all down."
Her boyfriend sheepishly took his jacket back and resumed sitting on his bar stool.
"What's wrong?", the girlfriend whined.
He said, "I'm not messing with any son-of-a-***** who can drink THAT much whiskey!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice. The doctor said
she should run ten miles a day for thirty days. This, he promised,
would help her lose the 20 pounds she's been trying to get rid of.
The blonde followed the doctor's advice, and, after thirty days, she
was pleased to find that she had indeed lost the pesky 20 pounds. She
phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice which
produced such effective results. At the end of the conversation,
however, she asked one last question:
"How do I get home, since I am now 300 miles away?"
================================================== ====================
How do you know a blonde likes you?
She screws you two nights in a row.

Why is a blonde like Australia?
They're both down under, and no one cares.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As a couple were getting ready for bed, the husband coming from the
bathroom and jumps in bed, his wife whines "I have a headache"
he replies "Perfect!! I just powdered my dick in aspirin, you can take
it orally or as a suppository, it's up to you "
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

A Rooster And A Cat"

One day a rooster and a cat were walking down the
street, they were good friends and liked to go on
walks together.

Suddenly it began to rain and the sidewalk became
very slick and full of puddles. The cat slipped and
fell into one of the puddles! At this sight, the
rooster
became hysterical, laughing long and loud!

Moral of the story: Whenever there is a wet *****,
there is sure to be a happy cock nearby!



WHAT YOUR CAR SAYS ABOUT YOU.....
Acura Integra- I have always wanted to own the Buick of sports cars

Acura Legend- I'm too bland for German cars

Acura NSX- I am impotent

Audi 90- I enjoy putting out engine fires

Buick Park Avenue- I am older than 34 of the 50 states

Cadillac Eldorado- I am a very good Mary Kay salesman

Cadillac Seville- I am a pimp

Chevrolet Camaro- I enjoy beating up people

Chevrolet Chevette- I like seeing people's reactions when I tell them I have
a 'Vette

Chevrolet Corvette- I'm in a mid-life crisis

Chevrolet El Camino- I am leading a militia to overthrow the government

Chrysler Cordoba- I dig the rich Corinthian leather

Datsun 280Z- I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well

Dodge Dart- I teach third grade special education and I voted for Eisenhower

Dodge Daytona- I delivered pizza for four years to get this car

Ford Fairmont- (See Dodge Dart)

Ford Mustang- I slow down to 85 in school zones

Ford Crown Victoria- I enjoy having people slow to 55mph & change lanes when
I pull up behind them

Geo Storm- I will start the 11th grade in the Fall.

Geo Tracker- I will start the 12th grade in the Fall.

Honda del Sol- I have always said, half a convertible is better than no
convertible at all

Honda Civic- I have just graduated and have no credit

Honda Accord- I lack any originality and am basically a lemming.

Infiniti Q45- I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending.

Isuzu Impulse- I do not give a rip about J.D. Power or his reports.

Jaguar XJ6- I am so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the shop 280
days per year.

Kia Sephia- I learned nothing from the failure of Diahatsu Corp.

Lincoln Town Car- I live for bingo and covered dish suppers

Mercury Grand Marquis- (See above)

Mercedes 500SL- I will beat you up if you ask me for an autograph.

Mercedes 560SEL- I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named Cole.

Mazda Miata- I do not fear being decapitated by an 18-wheeler

MGB- I am dating a mechanic

Mitsubishi Diamante- I don't know what it means either

Nissan 300ZX- I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings.

Oldsmobile Cutlass- I just stole this car and I'm going
to make a....

Peugeot 505 Diesel- I am on the EPA's Ten Most Wanted
List

Plymouth Neon- I sincerely enjoy doing the Macarena

Pontiac Trans AM- I have a switchblade in my sock

Porsche 944- I am dating big haired women that otherwise
would be inaccessible to me

Rolls Royce Silver Shadow- I think Pat Buchannon is
a tad bit too liberal

Saturn SC2- (See Honda Civic)

Subaru Legacy- I have always wanted a Japanese car even
more

Toyota Camry- I am still in the closet

Volkswagon Beetle- I still watch Partridge Family reruns

Volkswagon Cabriolet- I am out of the closet

Volkswagon Microbus- I am tripping right now

Volvo 740 Wagon- I am frightened of my wife