[bonyhadi]

t may be no accident that the word "menopause" invites the association "pause from men." Prior to that, some women may experience a sort of preview: "Men, get
your paws off of me!"
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"Honey," the wife said, "I think I'm going to the doctor to see if he can find out why I'm so dull and listless."
"Great idea!" the husband replied. "And once he gets your sex drive all straightened out, see if he can figure out why you've been moping around lately."
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MORE FAVORITE BUMPER SNICKERS:
I May Be Slow, But I'm Ahead Of You.
Seen on a pickup truck: The more I learn about women, the more I like my truck! Seen on the back of a large SUV: If you can't stop, at least smile as you go under.
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CLASSES FOR MEN NOTE:
Due to the complexity and difficulty level of their contents, each course will accept a maximum of 18 participants each.

TOPIC 1 - HOW TO FILL UP THE ICE CUBE TRAYS.
Step by step, with slide presentation.

TOPIC 2 - THE TOILET PAPER ROLL: DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS? Roundtable discussion.

TOPIC 3 - IS IT POSSIBLE TO URINATE USING THE TECHNIQUE OF LIFTING THE SEAT UP AND AVOIDING THE FLOOR/WALLS AND NEARBY BATHTUB?
Group practice.

TOPIC 4 - FUNDAMENTAL DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THE LAUNDRY HAMPER AND THE FLOOR.
Pictures and explanatory graphics.

TOPIC 5 - THE AFTER-DINNER DISHES AND SILVERWARE: CAN THEY LEVITATE AND FLY INTO THE KITCHEN SINK?
Examples on video.

TOPIC 6 - LOSS OF IDENTITY: LOSING THE REMOTE TO YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER.
Helpline support and support groups.

TOPIC 7 - LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS, STARTING WITH LOOKING IN THERIGHT PLACE INSTEAD OF TURNING THE HOUSE UPSIDE DOWN WHILE
SCREAMING.
Open forum.

TOPIC 8 - HEALTH WATCH: BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH.
Graphics and audio tape.

TOPIC 9 - REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST.
Real life testimonials.

TOPIC 10 - IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?
Driving simulation.

TOPIC 11 - LEARNING TO LIVE: BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MOTHER AND WIFE.
Online class and role playing.

TOPIC 12 - HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION. Relaxation.Exercises, meditation and breathing techniques.

TOPIC 13 - HOW TO FIGHT CEREBRAL ATROPHY: REMEMBERING BIRTHDAYS, ANNIVERSARIES, OTHER IMPORTANT DATES AND CALLING WHEN YOU'RE
GOING TO BE LATE.
Cerebral shock therapy sessions and full lobotomies offered.

**UPON COMPLETION OF THE COURSE DIPLOMAS WILL BE ISSUED TO THE SURVIVORS.
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THREE WAY DEBATE
Three animals in a bar was having a huge argument over who was the best.
The first animal, a hawk, claimed that because of his ability to fly, he could attack anything repeatedly from above, and his prey had hardly a chance.
The second, a lion, based his claim on his strength. No one in the jungle dared to challenge him, King of the Jungle.
The third, a skunk, insisted he needed neither flight nor strength to frighten off any creature with his unique arsenal.
As the three debated the issue, a grizzly bear came along and swallowed them all: hawk, lion and stinker!
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A woman took an inexperienced man
home one night. When they got to
her apartment, she suggested that
they try a 69. "What do you mean?"
he asked. Not knowing quite how to
explain, she said "you put your head
between my legs and I'll put my head
between your legs" Still unsure but
willing, he agreed. As soon as he got
his head between her legs, she let
out a rip-roaring fart.

"What the hell was that?!?" he asked.

"Oops! I'm so sorry! Let's try
again" she said.

On the second attempt the very same
thing happened. The man immediately
got up and started getting dressed.
"Where are you going?" she asked,
to which he replied: "If you think
I'm sticking around for 67 more of
those, you're crazy!
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Little Johnny was sitting in the courtyard turning a bottle of liquid back and forth, watching the bubbles. The Priest walked up and asked him
what he was doing?
Little Johnny replied, "I'm looking at the most powerful liquid in the world."
The Priest said, "But Johnny, Holy Water is the most powerful liquid in the world. Did you know that if you put Holy Water on a pregnant
woman's belly, she will pass a boy!"
Little Johnny said, "Big deal! This is turpentine. If you put this on a cat's ass, he'll pass a Harley Davidson!"
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Idiots Guide To Sex
* If she wants to do it French, Russian or Greek, it doesn't mean you have to go to Berlitz and
learn the language.

* "Faster, Harder, Deeper" is not the motto of the Olympics.

* A Fallopian tube is not part of a TV set.

* Membership of the Mile*High Club is void if you apply by yourself.

* A clitoris is not something you order from a florist.

* Contrary to popular belief, Grape Nuts is not a venereal disease.

* If it doesn't make you smile: you AIN'T DOIN' IT RIGHT!

* When she comes down wearing her most expensive body stocking and asks you to come to
bed, don't say you first want to check your e-mail.
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THE NEW DRESS

The New Dress

by Ron Selby

A lady walked into the room to show hubby her new dress,
She was a rather large lady - around forty two in the chest.
The dress was cut really low - showed off her feminine shape,
Her husband's eyes almost popped - all he could do was gape!

"Where did you get that dress, my dear?" said hubby with a grin.
"There seems to be more of you out of it - than there is within.
You really look desirable, dear! It's the greatest dress by far!
You really look sexy, especially as your not wearing a bra!"

"How did you know that I had no bra?" she asked her loving spouse.
"Now don't you get me wrong my dear! That dress, it looks real grouse!
I can tell you have no bra on, dear, behind all that frill and lace,
I can tell real easy - 'cause all the wrinkles have gone from your face!"


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GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE, THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge . . .mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the joy.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD:
1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.

SUCCESS:
At age 4 success is . . . not peeing in your pants. At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At age 16 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 20 success is . . . having sex.
At age 35 success is . . . having money.
At age 50 success is . . . having money.
At age 60 success is . . . having sex.
At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
At age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.
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