[bonyhadi]

The new nun goes to her first confession. She tells the priest that she
has a terrible secret.
The priest then tells her that her secret is safe in the sanctity of
the confessional. She says,
"Father, I never wear panties under my habit." The priest chuckles and
says, That's not so serious, Sister Bernadette. Say five Hail Mary's,
five Our Fathers, and do five cartwheels on your way to the altar."
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A local bean farmer was blessed with a wonderful crop this fall. In
fact he had so many beans, he needed to unload them somehow. With all
the hoopla about the upcoming Super Bowl, he decided that would be a
good venue to reach more people. With this in mind he went to the local
TV station to speak with the advertising manager.
The farmer said, "I would like to purchase a minute or two during the
Super Bowl to advertise my wonderful beans. I have such a bountiful
crop of beans of all kinds; pinto beans, lima beans, navy beans, red
beans..."
The sales manager said, "Ok, Ok, I get the message. And what would you
be able to pay for this amount of prime advertising time?"
The farmer scratched his beard, looked off, then said, very solemnly,
"I'd be willing to go as high as $300 to reach those folks."
"$300?" the manager yelled, "You must be out of your mind!!!
The current sponsors pay through the nose to get the exposure of the
Super Bowl!
For example, the makers of Kotex pay MILLIONS of dollars to reach the
audience!"
The farmer very evenly replied, "I'm sure that's right. But those
people are out for blood. I'm just farting around."
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A bill collector knocked on the door of a country debtor. "Is Fred
home?" he asked the woman who answered the door. "Sorry," the woman
replied. "Fred's gone for cotton."
The next day the collector tried again. "Is Fred here today?" "No,
sir," she said, "I'm afraid Fred has gone for cotton."
When he returned the third day he humphed, "I suppose Fred is gone for
cotton again?" "No," the woman answered solemnly, "Fred died
yesterday."
Suspicious that he was being avoided, the collector decided to wait a
week and investigate the cemetery himself. But sure enough, there was
poor Fred's tombstone, with this inscription:
"Gone, But Not for Cotton."
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A lawyer who was well into a lengthy cross-examination of a witness,
stopped and said: "Your honor, a juror is asleep."
The Judge replied: "You put him to sleep; YOU wake him up."
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Two men are sitting in a bar. One says to the other, "I think it's
spelled W-H-H-O-O-O-M-B."

The other man replies, "No, wouldn't it be more like
W-H-H-H-O-O-M-M-B-B?"

The waitress is walking by and says, "You guys are both idiots! It's
spelled W-O-M-B, you jerks!"

The one man turns to her and says, "Madam, it's obvious that you've
never heard an elephant fart."
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HOW YOU CAN TELL WHEN IT'S GOING TO BE A ROTTEN DAY:

1. You wake up face down on the pavement.

2. You put your bra on backwards and it fits better.

3. You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold.

4. You see a "60 minutes" news team waiting in your office.

5. Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.

6. You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party and
there aren't any.

7. You turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes out of the
city.

8. Your twin sister forgot your birthday.

9. You wake up and discover your waterbed broke and then realize that
you don't have a waterbed.

10.Your car horn goes off accidentally & remains stuck as you follow a
group of Hell's Angels on the freeway.

11.Your wife wakes up feeling amorous and you have a headache.

12.Your boss tells you not to bother to take off your coat.

13.The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard.

14.You wake up and your braces are locked together.

15.You walk to work and find your dress is stuck in the back of your
pantyhose.

16.You call your answering service and they tell you it's none of your
business.

17.Your blind date turns out to be your ex.

18.Your income check bounces.

19.You put both contact lenses in the same eye.

20.Your pet rock snaps at you.

21.Your wife says, "Good morning, Bill" and your name is George.
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What is the loose skin around the ***** called?
The woman.


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