[bonyhadi]

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One summer, a few years ago, a middle age French-Canadian man named Jacques decided to vacation on the coast of Maine.
While soaking up some sun on the beach, a very pretty girl caught his eye and his sexual desires.
He immediately got up, ran to her, grabbed her by the hand and brought her to his hotel room. There he had sex with her and then sent the young lady on
her way. She immediately reported this to the police and Jacques was arrested.
On his court date the judge asked him if he understood the nature of the crime he committed against the young lady. Jacques looked at the judge with a
bewildered look and said "Non!! Hi don't understand! Hin my country you grab de pretty girl, bring her to de hotel room, BOOM-BOOM, give hit to her den let
her go! Hit's O.K.!!!"
"Sir", the judge said, in THIS country if you are to have sex with a lady, you must have her permission first, or it is considered rape.You must have her
consent!"
After hearing this, Jacques turned around and mysteriously looked at the judge and exclaimed, "CUNSCENT!!! Hi got her cunscent!!! Hi got her cunscent on
my fingers, cunscent on my mustache, hi got her cunscent everywhere!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~
A hillbilly man and his new bride were on their honeymoon.
The husband jumps into bed to wait for his wife to get herself ready.
The wife comes out of the bathroom in a sexy negligee and says "Honey,I
have something to tell you. I'm a virgin."
The man grabs his clothes and rushes out of the house yelling at the
top of his lungs. He heads straight to his fathers house.
When he gets there, his father says, "Son, what are you doing here?
You're supposed to be on your honeymoon."
The son says, "Dad, my new wife told me a big secret of hers. She's a
virgin." "Damn son. You did the right thing by leaving.
If she wasn't good enough for her family, she sure as hell isn't good
enough for ours!"
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ARE YOU NORMAL



Facts about Americans. Did you know that...

Remember when you are reading this
90% of people say that they sometimes lie.
AROUND THE HOUSE* 21% of us don't make our bed daily. 5% of us never do.
* Men do 29% of laundry each week. Only 7% of women trust their
husbands to do it correctly.
* 40% of women have hurled footwear at a man.
* 85% of men don't use the slit in their underwear.
* 67.5% of men were tightie whities (briefs).
* The average bra size today is 36C whereas 10 years ago it was a 34B.
* 85% of women wear the wrong bra size. (Is there a correlation????)
HABITS* 58.4% have called into work sick when we weren't.
* 3 out of 4 of us store our dollar bills in rigid order
with singles leading up to higher denominations.
* 50% admit they regularly sneak food into movie theaters to
avoid the high prices of snack foods.
* 39% of us peek in our host's bathroom cabinet.
* 17% have been caught by the host.
* 81.3% would tell an acquaintance to zip his pants.
* 29% of us ignore RSVP.
* 35% give to charity at least once a month.
* 71.6% of us eavesdrop.
FOOD* 69% eat the cake before the frosting.
* When nobody else is around, 47% drink straight from the carton.
* Snickers is the most popular candy.
* 22% of us skip lunch daily.
* 9% of us skip breakfast daily.
* 66% of us eat cereal regularly.
* 22% of all restaurant meals include french fries.
* 14% of us eat the watermelon seeds.
HYGIENE* 22% leave the glob of toothpaste in the sink.
* Only 13% brush our teeth from side to side.
* Nearly 1/3 of U.S. women color their hair.
* 53% of women will not leave the house without makeup on.
* 58% of women paint their nails regularly.
* 33% of women lie about their weight.
* 4 out of 5 of us have suffered from hemorrhoids.
(I thought that was preferred Trident gum)
* The average girl starts her period at age 12.
* 30% of us refuse to sit on a public toilet seat.
* 54.2% of us always wash our hands after using the toilet.
* 23.5% admit they don't always flush.
* 45.2% pee in the shower.
* 44.9% pee in the ocean.
* 28.1% pee in the pool.
* 46.5% of men say they ALWAYS put the seat down after
they've used the toilet, yet women claim to ALWAYS find it up.
DRIVING* 4 out of 5 sing in the car.
(and probably 4 out of 5 can't sing for beans either)
* 12% of men never use their car blinkers.
* 45% of us consistantly follow the speed limit.
(This is hard to believe - Get on a highway and go the exact
speed limit. Are 45% of the people not passing you - I doubt it)
* 2/3 of us speed up at a yellow light.
* 1/3 of us don't wear seat belts.
* 71% can drive a stick-shift car.
* 44% of men tailgate to speed up the person in front of them.
(Hint from Jokemaster: When this happens, accelerate while
simultaneously touching your brake - just enough so the break
light goes on - scaring the crap out of the guy behing you)
WHAT WE SHOULDN'T BE DOING13% of us admit to occassionally doing our offspring's homework.
91% of us lie regularly.
27% admit to cheating on a test or quiz.
RELIGION* 90% believe in divine retribution.
* 10% believe in the 10 Commandments.
(That's one Commandment per person on average)
* 82% believe in an afterlife.
* 45% believe in ghosts.
* 10% of us claim to have seen a ghost. (Not Counting Casper)
* 49% believe in ESP.
DAILY LIVING* 90% of us depend on alarm clocks to wake us.
* 53% read their horoscopes regularly.
* 16% of us have forgotten our own wedding anniversary (mostly men).
* 59% of us say we're average-looking.
* Less than 10% are trilingual.
* 37% claim to know how to use all the features on their VCR.
* 53% prefer ATM machines over tellers.
* 44% reuse tinfoil.
* 57% save pretty gift paper to reuse.
* 66% of women and 59% of men have used a mix to cook and taken credit for doing it from scratch.
* 53% of us would take advice from Anne Landers.
* 28% of us have skinny-dipped. 14% with the opposite sex.
* 51% of adults dress up for a Halloween festivity.
* On average, we send 38 Christmas cards every year.
* 20% of women consider their parents to be their best friends.
LOVE & SEX* 2 out of 5 have married their first love.
* Only 4% asked the parents' approval for their bride's hand.
* 29% of us are virgins when we marry.
(How many claim they are?)
* The average sexual experience lasts about 39 minutes.
* Men say the average erect penis is 10". Women say it's 4".
* 56% of men have had sex at work.
* 60% of men and 54% of women have had a 1-night stand.
* Women buy 4 out of every 10 condoms sold.
* 1 in 5 men proposed on his knees.
* 6% propose over the phone. (Guys get a clue)
(And what percent said yes?)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Restroom Policy

TO: All Employees
From: Management
Re: Restroom PolicyIn the past, employees were permitted to make trips to the restroom under informal guidelines.
Effective Feb. 25, 2000 a Restroom Policy will be established to provide a consistent method of accounting for each employee's restroom time and
ensuring equal treatment of all employees.
Under this policy, a "Restroom Trip Bank" will be established for each employee.
The first day of each month, employees will be given a Restroom Trip Credit of 20 points.
RTC can be accumulated from month to month.
Shortly, the entrances to all the restrooms will begin being equipped with personnel identification stations and computer linked voice print recognition.
During the next two (2) weeks, each employee must provide two copies of voice prints (one normal and one under stress) to management.
The voice print recognition stations will be operational, but not restrictive, for the month of Feb.
Employees should acquaint themselves with the stations during this period. It will be restrictive starting March 1, 2000.
If an employee's RTB balances at zero (0), the doors to all restrooms will not unlock for that employee's voice print until the first of the month.
In addition, all the restrooms are being equipped with a time paper roll retractor.
If the restroom is occupied for more than three (3) minutes, an alarm will sound throughout the entire building.
A computer simulated voice will be activated and announce over the public announcing system the name of the delinquent employee.
Ten (10) seconds later, the roll of paper will retract, the toilet will flush and the restroom door will automatically open.
If at that time, the employee still remains seated inside the stall, the restroom cameras (which will be linked to the payroll and security console) will turn
on.Your cooperation on this matter will be appreciated.
If you have any questions about the new policy, please feel free to ask your supervisor.

Thank You!
Management