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During the National Spelling Bee recently in the nation's capital,
Islamic spectators became outraged upon discovering that the USA was
embedded in the middle of Jerusalem, Israel's holiest city. The
revelation was made by Douglas Levin, an eighth grader at the Joseph
Lieberman Day School in Rockville Center, Md. When young Levin was
asked to spell the word Jerusalem, he replied, "J E R- USA - L E M."
An audible gasp sounded from Muslim onlookers, who realized, for the
first time, a USA presence in the holy city. Muslim parents
immediately protested the spelling contest, citing American bias toward
Israel.
"It's a clear violation of church and state," said Mohammed Ahlee,
lobbyist for the Arab group Holy Shiite. Bee officials quickly denied
any wrongdoing, asserting that the Muslims were merely disgruntled
because Rajeed Raheed, a seventh grader from Al Kaydah Junior High,
had been eliminated earlier for misspelling Afghanistan as Afghanustan.
"There is no 'A-N-U-S' in the middle of Afghanistan," said one bee
official, "unless you believe bin Laden is still hiding there."
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Amazing how stupid people can be!
When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at its intended victim during a holdup in Long Beach, California, robber James
Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder: he peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again.
Happily for most concerned, this time it worked.
The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a
claim to his insurance company.
The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine out and lost a
finger.
The chef's claim was approved.
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Mourners at the funeral of Anna Bochinsky in Moinesti, Rumania, were naturally somewhat taken aback when she abruptly
leapt from her coffin as it was being carried to the grave. Before they could react to this unexpected
outburst, the woman bounded into the nearest road, where she was run over and killed by a passing car.
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A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to
find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her dead.
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One of the criteria by which Miss Nude USA was chosen in 1979 was taste in clothing.
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After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to
be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver
went to a nearby bus-stop and offered everyone in the queue a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental
hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered
for 3 days.
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In Minneapolis, USA, 28 year old Derrick L Richardson has been charged with third-degree murder of his much loved
cousin, Ken E Richardson. According to local police, Derrick had suggested to Ken that they play a game of Russian
Roulette, but, having no revolver, instead put a semiautomatic pistol to his cousin's head. Apparently, he did not realize that
one bullet always loads into the firing chamber of a semiautomatic.
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An American teenager was in the hospital yesterday recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train.
When asked about how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see
how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
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A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the cause of her daughters
swollen abdomen. It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say "Gimmee a break lady! Your daughter
is pregnant."
The mother turned red with fury and she argued with the doctor that her daughter was a good girl and would never
compromise her reputation by having sex with a boy.
The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon.
The mother became enraged and screamed, "Quit looking out the window! Aren't you paying attention to me?"
"Yes, of course I am paying attention ma'am. It's just that the last time this happened, a star appeared in the East, and
three wise men came. I was hoping they would show up again and help me figure out who got your daughter pregnant
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Nina, Jill, and Mary were duly impressed when Rosey arrived for theirweekly bridge game wearing a gorgeous new mink coat. "That's a lovely mink, Rosey," purred
Nina. "It must have cost you afortune!" "But it didn't," said Rosey. "What do you mean it didn't?" asked Mary. "Just a single piece of ass," replied Rosey. "You
mean," continued Jill, "for giving your husband a piece of ass?" "No," smiled Rosey, "for the piece of ass he got from his secretary."
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