[bonyhadi]

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other
and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do.
Whenever I go home after we've been drinking, I turn the headlights off
before I get to the
driveway.
I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before
I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the
bathroom.
I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out
so late!"
His buddy looks at him and says, "Well you're obviously taking the wrong
approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps,
throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed,
slap her on the ass and say,
'You as horny as I am?' and, she always acts like she's sound asle











Spotted in a toilet of a London office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR
CLOTHES WHEN THE
LIGHT GOES OUT

In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY
PLEASE BRING IT BACK
OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND
UPSIDE DOWN ON THE
DRAINING BOARD

Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC.
WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL
BARGAIN?

Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A
DAY CARE ON
THE FIRST FLOOR

Notice in a field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT
THE BULL CHARGES

Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET
LESSONS

On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING.
(PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)














Life isn't about keeping score. It's not about how many people
call you and it's not about who you've dated, are dating or haven't
dated at all. It isn't about who you've kissed, what sport you play,
or which guy or girl likes you. It's not about your shoes or your
hair or the color of your skin or where you live or go to school.
In fact, it's not about grades, money, clothes or colleges that
accept you or not. Life isn't about if you have lots of friends, or
if you are alone, and it's not about how accepted or not accepted
you are. Life just isn't about that.

But life is about who you love and who you hurt. It's about how
you feel about yourself. It's about trust, happiness and compassion.
It's about sticking up for your friends and replacing inner hate with
love. Life is about avoiding jealousy, overcoming ignorance and
building confidence. It's about what you say and what you mean.
It's about seeing people for who they are and not what they have.
Most of all, it is about choosing to use your life to touch someone
else's in a way that could never have been achieved otherwise.







Statistically Speaking

The number of physicians in the U.S is 700,000.

Accidental deaths caused by Physicians per year are 120,000.

Accidental deaths per physician are 0.171. (U.S. Dept of Health & Human
Services)


The number of gun owners in the U.S. is 80,000,000.

The number of accidental gun deaths per year (all age groups) is
1,500.

The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is .0000188.


Statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than
gun owners.

FACT: NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN, BUT ALMOST EVERYONE HAS AT LEAST ONE DOCTOR.

Please alert your friends to this alarming threat. We must ban doctors
before this gets out of hand. In the interest of public health I have
withheld the statistics on lawyers for fear that the shock could cause
people to seek medical attention.