[bonyhadi]

Dear Consumers:
It has come to our attention that a few copies of the WINDOWS 2000 TEXAS ED=

ITION may have accidentally been shipped outside of the state of Texas. If y=

ou have one of these, you may need some help understanding the commands.
The TEXAS EDITION may be recognized by the unique opening screen. It reads:=


WINDERS 2000, with a background picture of Willie Nelson superimposed on th=

e Alamo.
Please also note:
The Recycle Bin is labeled "Outhouse"
My Computer is called "This Dern Contraption" Dial Up Networking is called =

"Good Ol' Boys" Control Panel is known as "The Dashboard" Hard Drive is refe=

rred to as "4-Wheel Drive" Floppies are "Them little ol' plastic thangs" Ins=

tead of an error message, "Duct tape" pops up CHANGES IN TERMINOLOGY IN TEXA=

S EDITION:
Cancel..............stopdat
Reset................try'er agin
Yes..................yep
No...................nope
Find.................hunt fer it
Go to...............over yonder
Back................back yonder
Help.................hep me out here
Stop..................kwitit
Start.................crank'er up
Settings............settins
Programs..........stuff at duz stuff
Documents.......stuff ah done did
Also note that the TEXAS EDITION does not recognize capital letters or punc=

tuation marks.
Some programs that are exclusive to WINDERS 2000: Tiperiter...........a wor=

d processing
program
Colerin' Book............ * * a graphics program
Cyferin' mersheen..... * * calculator
Outhouse paper......... * * * notepad
Inner-net......Microsoft Explorer 5.0
Pitchers............a graphics viewer
We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a copy of th=

e TEXAS EDITION. You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version.
I hope this helps ya'll!
Billy Bob Gates











My neighbour found out her dog could hardly hear
so she took it to the veterinarian. He found the
problem was hair in its ears and cleaned both ears
and the dog could hear fine. The vet told the lady
if she wanted to keep this from recurring she should
go to the store and get some "Nair" hair remover
and rub in its ears once a month.

The lady goes to the drug store and gets some "Nair"
hair remover. At the register the druggist tells her,
"If you're going to use this under your arms don't use
deodorant for a few days."

The lady says, "I'm not using it under my arms."

The druggist says, "If you're using it on your legs
don't shave for a couple of days."

The lady says, "I'm not using it on my legs either,
and if you must know

I'm using it on my schnauzer."

The druggist says, "Stay off your bicycle for a week."












An old man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying there a few minutes the old man farts and says, "Seven
Points." His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?" The old man replied, "It's fart football." A few
minutes later the wife lets one go and says, "Touchdown, tie score." After about five minutes the old man farts
again and says, "Touchdown, I'm ahead 14 to 7." Not to be out done the wife rips another one and says, "Touchdown,
tie score." Five seconds go by and she lets out a squeakier and says, "Fieldgoal, I'm leading 17 to 14." Now the
pressures on and the old man refuses to get beat by a woman so he strains real hard but to no avail. Realizing a
defeat is totally unacceptable he gives it everything he has but instead of farting he ****s the bed. The wife looks
and says, "What the hell was that?" The old man replied, "Half-time, Switch sides."















A stripper in a hurry to get home leaves the club with nothing
on but a loose coat. As she crosses the street a drunk driver
skids around the corner and hits her. She goes flying into the air
, and lands unconscious on her back with her charms
exposed to the world.

As a crowd gathers, a gentleman places his hat upon the stripper's
crotch in order to minimize her exposure. In the meantime the
drunk driver hardly aware he just hit someone, staggers over
to see what all the fuss is about.

Noticing the near naked woman lying exposed on the street,
he points to the strategically placed hat and slurs in a loud voice,
"Well, the firthst ting we gotta do is get dat guy outta there!"










Be sure to lock your doors and windows at home.
A man from Boston was found dead in his home last weekend. Detectives at the scene found the man face down
in his bathtub. The tub had been filled with milk and cornflakes and a banana was sticking out of his ass.
Police suspect a cereal killer