[bonyhadi]

Things I have learned from reading my junk e-mail:

1. Everything is absolutely free (or only shipping & handling).

2. I can become a millionaire overnight just by clicking here.

3. Hundreds of young beautiful cheerleaders are waiting
to perform any sexual acts I wish performed on me (or my pets,
or my farm animals) if I just click there.

4. I can have my penis size doubled, my breasts enlarged two cup sizes, my age reversed by 20 to 30 years. Just click here.

5. I can buy almost anything for practically nothing if I just click here.

6. I can see lovely lesbians cavort with each other..virgins lose
their virginity in front of my eyes or famous movie starlets do it
with a hundred horny dwarfs...

Just click here and here and purchase potions to enhance my sex life, restore my hair loss, make me irresistible to the opposite sex (or the
same sex if preferred)..what else? click over yonder.

8. But wait..there's more...legal marijuana, sleeping pills,
stay-awake pills, lose weight pills, gain weight pills....a set of
Ginzu knives...all by just clicking and clicking.

WHAT A COUNTRY........
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
HER HONEYMOON IS OVER WHEN...

You let one rip in your sleep
and don't care if he hears.

Talking dirty in bed means
shouting obscenities when he
hogs the blanket.

Chivalry's as dead as the
door he lets slam in your face.

PMS lasts all month.

Your jumbo box of absorbent
maxi-pads is on open display.

"Honey, what are you thinking?"
is now, "Are you finished yet?!"

He yawns when you ***** about that
guy hitting on you at work.

Those frilly, lacy, tiny panties
have become way too uncomfortable.

Two weeks no orgasm.

Three weeks no orgasm ... and you
still don't miss it.

When he lends you five bucks, he
expects it back.

You'd rather spend quality time
with your vibrator.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
OLD GEEZER TEST

1. Where did headlight dimmer switches used to be located?

a . On the floor shift knob

b. On the floor, left of the clutch

c. Next to the horn

2. The bottle top of a Royal Crown Cola bottle has holes in it. What was it used for?

a. Capture lightning bugs.

b. To sprinkle clothes before ironing

c. Large salt shaker

3. Why was having milk delivered a problem in northern winters?

a. Cows got cold and wouldn't produce

b. Ice on highways forced delivery by dog sled

c. Milkmen left deliveries outside doors and milk would freeze, expanding and pushing up the cardboard bottle top.

4. What was the popular chewing gum named for a game of chance?

a. Blackjack

b. Gin

c. Craps

5. What method did women adapt to look as if they were wearing stockings when none was available due to rationing during W.W.II?

a. Suntan

b. Leg painting

c. Wearing slacks

6. What postwar car turned automotive design on its ear when you couldn't tell whether it was coming or going?

a. Studebaker

b. Nash Metro

c. Tucker

7. Which was a popular candy when you were a kid?

a. Strips of dried peanut butter

b. Chocolate-licorice bars

c. Wax coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water inside

8. How was Butch wax used?

a. To stiffen hair cut into a flattop so it stood up

b. To make floors shiny and prevent scuffing

c. On the wheels of roller skates to prevent rust

9. Before inline skates, how did you keep your roller skates attached to your shoes?

a. With clamps, tightened by a skate key

b. Woven straps that crossed the foot

c. Long pieces of string or twine

10. As a kid, what was considered the best way to reach a decision?

a. Consider all the facts

b. Ask Mom

c. eny-meeny-miney-mo

11. What was the worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex?

a. A cold

b. VD

c. Cooties

12. I'll be down to get you in a ________, Honey"

a. SUV

b. Taxi

c. Streetcar

13. What was the name of Caroline Kennedy's pet pony?

a. Old Blue

b. Paint

c. Macaroni

14. What was a Duck-and-Cover Drill?

a. Part of the game of hide and seek

b. What you did when your mom called you in to do chores

c. Hiding under your desk, covering your head with your arms in an A bomb drill

15. What was the name of the Indian Princess on the Howdy Doody show?

a. Princess Summerfallwinterspring

b. Princess Sacajeweac.

c. Princess Moonshadow

16. What did all really savvy students do when mimeographed tests were handed out in school?

a. Immediately sniffed the purple ink, as this was believed to get you high.

b. Made paper airplanes to see who could sail theirs out the window

c. Wrote another pupils' name on the top, to avoid failure

17. Why did your mom shop in stores that gave Green Stamps with purchases?

a. To keep you out of mischief licking the backs, which tasted like bubble gum

b. They could be put in special books and redeemed for various household items

c. They were given to the kids to be used as stick on tattoos

18. Praise the Lord, and pass the _________?

a. Meatballs

b. Dames

c. Ammunition

19. What was the name of the group who made the song Cabdriver a hit?

a. The Ink Spots

b. The Supremes

c. The Esquires

20. Who left his heart in San Francisco?

a. Tony Bennett

b. Zavier Cugat

c. George Gershwin

ANSWERS

1. b) On the floor, left of the clutch. Hand controls, popular in Europe, took till the 60s to catch on.

2. b) To sprinkle clothes before ironing. Who had a steam iron?

3. c) Cold weather caused the milk to freeze and expand, popping the bottle top.

4. a) Blackjack Gum.

5. b) Special makeup was applied followed by drawing a seam down the back of the leg with eyebrow pencil.

6. a) 1946 Studebaker.

7. c) Wax coke bottles containing super-sweet colored water.

8. a) Wax for your flat top (butch) haircut.

9. a) With clamps, tightened by a skate key, which you wore on a shoestring around your neck.

10. c) Eeny-meeny-miney-mo.

11. c) Cooties.

12. b) Taxi. Better be ready by half-past eight!

13. c) Macaroni.

14. c) Hiding under your desk, covering your head with your arms in an A-bomb drill.

15. a) Princess Summerfallwinterspring. She was another puppet.

16. a) Immediately sniffed the purple ink to get high.

17. b) Put in a special stamp book, they could be traded for household items at the Green Stamp store.

18. c) Ammunition, and we'll all be free.

19. a) The all male, all black group, The Inkspots.

20. a) Tony Bennett and he sounds just as good today.

SCORING

17 - 20 correct: You are not only older than dirt, but obviously gifted with
mind bloat. Now if you could only find your glasses.

12 -16 correct: Not quite dirt yet, but your mind is definitely muddy.

0 -11 correct: You are a sad excuse of a geezer
`````````````````````````````````````````````````` ````````````````````
"I'd like to buy some gloves for my wife," the young man said, eyeing the attractive salesgirl, "but I don't know her size."

"Will this help?" she asked sweetly, placing her hand in his.

"Oh, yes," he answered. "Her hands are just slightly smaller that yours."

"Will there be anything else?" the salesgirl queried as she wrapped the gloves.

"Now that you mention it," he replied, "she also needs a bra and panties
========================================
Driving to the work this morning I happened to look over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new bright red BMW
doing at least 85 MPH with her face pressed up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner would you believe! I looked away
for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane, still working on that makeup !!!

I dont mind saying, It scared the **** out of me so bad , I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the donut out of my other hand. In
all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my cell phone
away from my ear, which fell into the coffee mug between my legs, splashed all over the place and burned "Big Jim and the Twins",
ruined the damn phone and... DISCONNECTED A
VERY IMPORTANT CALL!!!

FRIGGIN WOMEN DRIVERS!!!!!
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