[bonyhadi]

You Should Concerned About Your Date If...


--------------------------------------------


~ He's been on Geraldo once and Jerry Springer twice.


~ Your dinner reservations are under "Loser, party of 2."


~ He seems to know an awful lot about your shower routine.


~ Calls to tell you he'll pick you up, just as soon as


the stand off with the police is over.


~ You order a Double Whopper and he says, "Hey, my name ain't


Rockefeller, honey."


--------------------------------------------


Women - You Know the Honeymoon Is Over When ...


--------------------------------------------


15. Talking dirty in bed means shouting obscenities when he hogs the
blanket.


14. Chivalry's as dead as the door he lets slam in your face.


13. PMS lasts all month.


12. Your jumbo box of absorbent maxi-pads is on open display.


11. "Honey, what are you thinking?" is now "Are you finished yet?!"


10. He yawns when you ***** about that guy hitting on you at work.


9. Dildos, S & M, menage ... anything to break the monotony.


8. You used to walk hand in hand, now you run to keep up.


7. Those frilly, lacy, tiny panties have become way too uncomfortable.


6. Two weeks no orgasm.


5. Three weeks no orgasm ... and you still don't miss it.


4. When he lends you five bucks, he expects it back.


3. You'd rather spend quality time with your vibrator.


2. The way he breathes is getting on your nerves.


And the number one sign the honeymoon is over ...


1. You let one rip in your sleep and don't care if he hears.









Little Johnny's mother decided to take Little Johnny to the zoo. When
they got to the monkey cage, the two monkeys in there were getting it
on.

"Mommy! Mommy! What are the monkeys doing?!?" asked Little Johnny.

"Oh honey, they're just making fish sticks," replied his Mom.

The next morning, Little Johnny was in the kitchen, making breakfast.
When his Mom walked in he asked, "Mommy? Were you and daddy making fish
sticks last night?"

His Mom was stunned. "Why yes honey ... how did you know?" asked his
mother.

"You have tartar sauce on your lip!" replied Little Johnny.






`````````````````````````````````````````````````` `````````````````````````````````````````````````` ```````````````
Well we made it to Hump Day!
You know how those novelty shops (Spencer's, et. al.), as if required by some obscure law, all carry those cutesy key
chains with various sayings on them?
Well, I happen to know that in your deepest innermost desire, you really wanted a list of those ever so witty sayings.
So, without further ado...

I need more money, power,
and less **** from you people.

We'll get along fine
as soon as you realize I'm G-d.

Discourage inbreeding;
ban country music.

Life is short.
Don't be a dick.

To some it's a six-pack,
to me it's a support Group

I majored in liberal arts,
would you like fries with that.

I want my man to have a VCR:
Very Cute Rear

I haven't found Mr. Right
but I have found
Mr. Cheap,
Mr. Sleazy
and Mr. Wrong

Lost your cat?
Look under my tires.

I suffer from PMS...
Putting up with Men's ****

Men suffer from PMS too...
Pretending to be Macho Studs

If you shower in your clothes,
it shows you're crazy.
If you shower nude,
it shows you're nuts!!!

Behind every great man is
a great woman,
and behind every great woman
is some guy staring at her ass!

Birthdays only come once a year...
aren't you glad you're not a birthday?

(Written in really tiny writing)
Nosey little ****er, aren't you?








Three little boys were concerned because they couldn't get anyone to
play
with them. They decided it was because they had not been baptized and
didn't go to Sunday school. So they went to the nearest church. Only
the
janitor was there.
One said,"We need to be baptized because no one will come out
and play with us. Will you baptize us?"
"Sure," said the janitor.
He took them into the bathroom and dunked their heads in the toilet
bowl, one at a time. Then he said, "Now go out and play."
When they got outside, dripping wet, one of them asked, "What religion
do
you think we are?"
The oldest one said, "We're not Katlick, because they pour the water on
you.
We're not Baptist because they dunk all of you in it.
We're not Methdiss because they just sprinkle you."
The littlest one said, "Didn't you smell that water?"
"Yes. What do you think that means?"
"That means we're Pisscopalians."








It was time for Father John's Saturday night bath, and a young nun, Sister
Magdalene had prepared the bath water and towels just the way the old nun
had instructed. Sister Magdalene was also instructed not to look at
Fr.John's nakedness if she could help it, do whatever he told her to do, and
pray.

The next morning the old nun asked Sister Magdalene how the Saturday
night bath had gone.
"Oh, sister," said the young nun dreamily. "I've been saved."
"Saved? And how did that fine thing come about?" asked he old nun.
"Well, when Father John was soaking in the tub, he asked me to wash him, and
while I was washing him he guided my hand down between his legs where he
said the Lord keeps the Key to Heaven."

"Oh did he now?" said the old nun evenly.

Sister Magdalene continued, "And Fr. John said that if the Key to Heaven
fit my lock, the portals of Heaven would be opened to me and I would be
assured of salvation and eternal peace. And then Father John guided his Key
to Heaven into my lock."

"Is that a fact?" said the old nun even more evenly.

"At first it hurt terribly, but Fr. John said the pathway to salvation is
often painful and that the glory of God would soon swell my heart with
ecstasy. And it did, it felt so good being saved."

"That wicked old Devil!" said the old nun. "He told me it was Gabriel's
Horn, and I've been blowing it for 40 years!"






A Seriously flat-chested woman was elated when her fairy godmother told her
breasts would increase in size any time a man says "Pardon" to her.

She was walking down the sidewalk the next day when a man bumped into her.
"Pardon me" he said and her breasts immediately grew one inch. She was
ecstatic.

The next day she was in the grocery store and a man bumped her with his
cart. He begged her pardon and another inch was added to her breasts. She
was in seventh heaven.

That night she walked into a Chinese restaurant and collided with an
unsighted waiter. He bowed low to her and said " A thousand pardons for my
clumsiness".

The next day, the headline in the newspaper says "Chinese Waiter Suffocates
Under Massive Mammaries!"










Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.

A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

If electricity comes from electrons....does that mean that morality comes
from morons?

Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?

Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.

A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

If electricity comes from electrons....does that mean that morality comes
from morons?

Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?

Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

Banning the bra was a big flop.

Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumour.

Without geometry, life is pointless.

When you dream in colour, it's a pigment of your imagination.

Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.


Banning the bra was a big flop.

Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumour.

Without geometry, life is pointless.

When you dream in colour, it's a pigment of your imagination.

Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.