Tributes
http://tribute.creoletechnologies.co...sDirectory.htm
EVERY 9/11 TRIBUTE YOU CAN THINK OF
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Chow Mein (a bit sick, but funny)
http://www.csh.rit.edu/%7Ewxs/images/humor/chowmein.swf
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Click here: Knowing Jack
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http://home.pacbell.net/diana_do/knowjack.htm
Giorgio is in this country for about 6 months.
He walks to work every day and passes a shoe store. Each day he stops and looks in the window and admires a certain pair of Bocceli
leather shoes. After about 2 months, he saves the $300.00 the shoes cost, and buys them.
Every Friday night the Italian community gets together at a dance in the church basement, so Giorgio seizes the opportunity to wear
his new Bocceli shoes to the dance.
He asks Sophia to dance with him, and as they dance he asks her,
"Sophia, do you wear reda panties tonighta?"
Sophia startled says,
"Yes, Giorgio, I do wear red panties tonight, but how do you know?"
"I see the reflection in my new $300.00 Bocceli
leather shoosa. How do you lika them?"
Next, he asks Rosa to dance, and after a few minutes, says to her, "Rosa, do you wear white panties tonighta?"
"Yes, Giorgio, I do, but how do you know that?"
Rosa asks.
"I see the reflection in my new $300.00 Bocceli
leather shoosa. How do you lika them?"
Now the evening is almost over and Giorgio asks Carmella for the last dance.
Midway through the dance, Giorgio's face turns red. He gasps,
"Carmella, stilla my hearta please.
Tell me you weara no panties tonighta.
Please tella me this true."
"Yes, yes Giorgio," Carmella answers,
"I wear no panties tonight."
Giorgio is greatly relieved,
"Thanka Goda," he says,
"I thoughta I had a cracka in my new
$300.00 Bocceli leather shoosa."
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Having had one too many, a bar drinker was beginning to display an ugly
side.
An unescorted female sat down beside him and he whispered to her,
"Hey ! How about it babe ? You and me ?"
As she got up to move, he said loudly, "Honey, you sure look like you
could use the money, but I only have an extra two dollars."
She looked back and replied just as loudly,
"What makes you think I charge by the inch ?"
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The sales girl at the Pink *****cat boutique didn't bat an eye when the
customer purchased an artificial vagina.
"What are you going to use it for?" she asked.
"None of your business," answered the customer, beet red and thoroughly
offended.
"Calm down, buddy," soothed the salesgirl."
The only reason I'm asking is that if it's food, we don't have to
charge you sales tax."
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What do you call a hooker that smokes marijuana?
A pothole!
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A guy gets set up on a blind date and he takes her out for dinner to a
very expensive restaurant to make a good impression. The waiter
approaches the table and asks to take their order.
The lady begins ordering practically everything on the menu, shrimp
cocktail, pate, Caesar Salad, lobster, crepes Suzette, with no regard
to the price.
The guy is getting very upset, as he never thought she would order so
much. She then stops, and looks across at him, and asks,
"What do you suggest I wash it down with?"
"Well my dear, I can think of nothing so fitting as the Mississippi
River."
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A woman from Chicago decided to go on vacation to Miami in the 1920s.
Upon trying to check into a nice hotel, the concierge told her,
"Sorry, there's no vacancy."
Just then, a man checked out. The woman then exclaimed,
"Good, now you have a room."
"Sorry", the man behind the counter replied, "This hotel is
restricted."
"And what does that mean?" she asked him. "Jews aren't allowed here!"
"Well what makes you think I'm Jewish?" she shot back.
"I know you are!"
"Well, I'm not! I'm a Catholic! " she insisted.
"So tell me, " the man replied, "Did G-d have a son?"
"Sure."
"What was his name?"
"Jesus."
"And where was he born?"
"In Bethlehem, in a stable."
"And WHY was he born there?"
"Because a schmuck like you wouldn't rent his parents a room!"
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TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY BUT IN GOLF AREN'T:
10. Damn, my shaft is bent.
09. After 18 holes, I can barely walk.
08. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker.
07. Look at the size of his putter.
06. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more.
05. Mind if I join your threesome?
04. Stand with your back turned and drop it.
03. My hands are so sweaty, I can't get a good grip.
02. Nice stroke, but your follow-through leaves a lot to be desired.
01. Hold up! I need to wash my balls first.
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"How To Ask A Man To Do Something"
Always remember these six important rules when asking a man to do something:
1. Make sure the man is conscious.
2. Crash the hard drive on his computer and line the bird cage with the sports section.
3. Be brief! Limit your nagging harangue to two, three hours, max.
4. Reward him for cooperative behavior. Offer to cook him something that doesn't have a peel-back cover.
5. Punish him when he refuses to cooperate. Microwave his remote on high power for 55 minutes. Rotate 1/4 turn, and microwave again for another 35 minutes.
6. Use "would you" or "will you" instead of "you'd better" or "do as I say, and no one will get hurt." - - - -