[bonyhadi]

A drunk comes home, stumbles into the kitchen and makes
himself a cup of tea. He then proceeds to carry it up to
the bedroom.

As he lies down next to his wife, holding the tea cup, he slurs,
"Baby, do lemons have little yellow feet?"

The wife looks at him: "No."

"Damn!" he says, "then I squeezed the canary into my tea."
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The Top 25 X-Rated Ways to Leave Your Lover

25> Slip in the back, Jack.

24> Spit out his jizz, Liz.

23> Demand fellatio, Horatio.

22> Poke it in her eye, Guy.

21> Tie a knot in your penis, Enos.

20> Put it in the wrong hole, Joel.

19> Throw his pecker down the drain-a, Lorena.

18> Laugh at his penis, Venus.

17> Throw up on her twat, Scott.

16> Go down on her mother, Strother.

15> Refuse to eat pie, Cy.

14> Avoid cunnilingus, Genghis.

13> Gag her with yer gack, Mack.

12> Dump her in a park and hope for luck, Congressman Condit,
you sick ****.

11> Suggest bukkake, Rocky.

10> Fart during a blowjob, Bob.

9> Show him your strap-on, Dawn.

8> Give him the crabs, Babs.

7> Get coprophil-ly, Billy.

6> Show her your anal plug, Doug.

5> Make underwear mud, Bud.

4> Bust a cap in her titty, P. Diddy.

3> Suggest a menage a trois, Pa.

2> Get caught buggering the lad, Father Brad.

and the Number 1 Other Way to Leave Your Lover...

1> Spooge on the dress, Prez.

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Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected by the tribe to go out and get something to eat. They walked deep into the jungle and waited by a path.
Before long, along came this little old man. The son said, "Ooh dad, there's one."
"No," said the father. "There's not enough meat on that one to even feed the dogs. We'll just wait."
Well, a little while later, along came this really fat man. The son said, "Hey dad, he's plenty big enough."
"No," the father said. "We'd all die of a heart attack from the fat in that one. We'll just wait."
About an hour later, here comes this absolutely gorgeous woman. The son said, "Now there's nothing wrong with that one dad. Let's eat her."
"No," said the father. "We'll not eat her either."
"Why not?" asked the son.
"Because, we're going to take her back alive and eat your mother."
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Martha was having a heart to heart talk with her mom on her first visit
home since heading off to college.
"Mom, I have to tell you, I lost my virginity."
"Well, hon, I'm not surprised," consoled her mother. "It was bound to
happen sooner or later. I just hope it was a romantic and pleasurable
experience."
"Well, yes, and no."
"What do you mean?"
"The first twelve guys felt great, but after them, my ***** got real
sore."
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the marriage is dead... why not bury it...

* The FBI is regularly called in to settle arguments

* You have his n' hers bathrooms.

* New jars have appeared in the kitchen, labeled "Anthrax" and "Cyanide."

* Your in-laws are placing bets on who will get the house.

* Your spouse has a picture of you hanging on the dartboard.

* Family outings consist of you being chased out of the house by your spouse with a carving knife.

* You are desperate for your in-laws to visit so you can have someone else on which to vent your sarcastic remarks.

* Your spouse no longer reads novels in bed but stays up late studying the small print in your life insurance policy.
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A mild mannered man is tired of his wife always bossing him around, so he decides to go to a psychiatrist. The doctor tells him he has to develop self esteem. The
doctor gives him a booklet on assertive training. He reads it on the way home.
When he walks thru the door and his wife comes to greet him, he tells her, "From now on I'm the man of this home, and my word is law. When I come home from
work I want my dinner on the table. Now get upstairs and lay me out some clothes on the bed because I'm going out with the boys tonight. Then draw my bath. And
when I get out of the tub guess who is going to dress me and comb my hair?"

The undertaker." she replies.
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