[bonyhadi]

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The preacher was preaching with all his might. The subject was SIN, and he was most certainly 'against' sin. A girl, with a wonderful
figure, and not nearly enough clothes to hide much skin, came in late. She strode down the center aisle, close to the front, and sat down.

It was plain to the preacher that he had lost the men in his audience to this voluptuous sex-object. He shook a fist at her and said, "You
are the Jezebel the good book tells us about. You have got the mind of every man in this building on evil thoughts and not good thoughts.
But I am a man of God! You don't affect me, and right now up in Heaven, you fallen woman.....Saint Finger is shaking his Peter at you!!"
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THE PERFECT WOMAN

An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the God-given responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce children
beyond comparison. With that as his mission he began searching for the perfect woman.

After a diligent, but fruitless, search up and down the east coast, he started to head west. Shortly thereafter he met a farmer who had three
stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away.

So he explained his mission to the farmer, asking for permission to marry one of them.

The farmer simply replied, "They're all lookin' to get married, so you came to the right place. Look them over and select the one you want."

The man dated the first daughter.

The next day the farmer asked for the man's opinion. "Well" said the man, " She's just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice, but
pigeon-toed."

The farmer nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls.

So the man went out with the second daughter. The next day, the farmer again asked how things went. "Well," the man replied, "She's just a
weeeee bit, not that you can hardly tell, cross-eyed."

The farmer nodded and suggested he date the third girl to see if things might be better. So he did. The next morning the man rushed in
exclaiming, "She's perfect, just perfect! She's the one I want to marry!"

So they were wed right away. Months later the baby was born.

When the man visited the nursery he was horrified. The baby was the ugliest, most pathetic human you can
imagine. He rushed to his father-in-law asking how such a thing could happen considering the parents. "Well," explained the farmer, "She
was just a weeeee bit, not that you could hardly tell, pregnant when you met her."
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SOUND SLEEPER

A couple have a male friend who's visiting from out-of-state, when an unexpected blizzard blows in, and keeps him from
traveling. Since the
couple have no guest room, he states his intention to find a nearby hotel, and be on his way in the morning.

"Nonsense," says the wife. "Our bed is plenty big enough for all three of us, and we're all friends here." The husband
concurs, and before long
they're settled in: husband in the middle, wife on his left, friend on his right.

After a while, the husband begins snoring, and the wife sneaks over to the friend's side of the bed, and invites him to
have sex with her.
Naturally, he'd like to, but he's reluctant. "We're in the same bed with your husband! He'll wake up, and he'll kill me."

"Don't worry about it," she says, "he's such a sound sleeper, he'll never notice. If you don't believe me, just yank a hair
off of his ass. He won't even wake up."

So the friend yanks a hair off the husband's anus, and sure enough, she's right. Her husband sleeps right through
having a hair yanked out
of his ass. So, she and the friend have sex, and then she goes back to her side of the bed.

After about twenty minutes, though, she's back on his side of the bed, asking him to do it again. The same argument
follows, another hair is
yanked from the husband's corn hole, and again they have sex. This keeps up for about half the night, until after about
the sixth time, when the
wife goes back to her side.

Then the husband rolls over, and whispers to his friend, "I don't mind that you're shagging my wife, but do you really
have to use my asshole
as your scoreboard?"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Q. What do you get if you cross a donkey with an onion?
A. Most of the time you simply get an onion with long ears, but every once in a while you get a piece of ass that brings
tears to your eyes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
A young lady says to a salesman, "I need some batteries for my vibrator."
He motions with his finger, "Come this way..."
She says, "If I could come that way I wouldn't need a f$#*&%g vibrator."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A FUNNY CREATURE

A ***** is a funny creature
It makes a man a fool
It takes away his worries
And wears away his tool
When man climbs on a woman
He hasn't long to stay
His head is full of non-sense
His ass is full of play
He climbs on like a lion
And rolls off like a lamb
And when he buttons up his pants
He is not worth a good damn.
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A BARTENDER'S ADVICE

A man making the Bar scene, was fairly intoxicated when he went into a popular night spot. The bartender refused to
serve him and told him he should go home.


Man: My wife will kill me.

Bartender: Take her some candy.


Man: She is on a diet.

Bartender: Take her some flowers.


Man: She has allergies.

Bartender: Tell her a poem.


Man: She loves poems ... I don't know any.

Bartender: Here is one for you. The Bartender recited.

YOU BABYLONIAN WITCH ..
BLUE EYES AND RUBY LIPS...
BENEATH THINE EYES PASSION LIES
AND THAT'S WHAT MAKES MY PASSION RISE.
-"Shakespeare"


Man: I can handle that. So walking home the man was reciting to himself the poem. When he gets home he is unable to
find his keys. So he
knocks on the door.

Wife: You better not of been drinking.


Man: Sweetness, I have a poem for you!

Wife: It had better be good

The man starts to recite the poem...

YOU BABYLONIAN ***** ..
BLUE EYES AND PURPLE TITS.
BETWEEN YOUR THIGHS A ***** LIES
AND THAT'S WHAT MAKES MY PECKER RISE.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
FIRST DATE

Kevin, an extremely shy fellow was going on a first date with an absolutely gorgeous woman and brought her a
inexpensive bouquet of flowers.

She threw her arms around him and kissed him long and hard. Now this really excited Kevin, as he has not been with
many women let alone a drop dead gorgeous woman.

After the kiss, he turned and bolted for the door running like hell.

She exclaimed, "Oh! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you."

"You didn't!" he replied. "If that's what I get for flowers, I'm going out to buy you some jewelry."
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