[bonyhadi]

THE AOL CAR

1. The AOL car would have a TOP speed of 40 MPH yet have a
200 MPH speedometer.

2. The AOL car would come equipped with a NEW and fantastic
8-Track tape player.

3. The car would often refuse to start and owners would just expect
this and try again later.

4. The windshield would have an extra dark tint to protect the driver
from seeing better cars.

5. AOL would sell the same model car year after year and claim it's the
NEW model.

6. Every now and then the brakes on the AOL car would just "lock-up"
for no apparent reason.

7. The AOL car would have a very plain body style but would have lots'a
pretty colors and lights.

8. The AOL car would have only one door but it would have 5 extra seats
for family members.

9. Anyone dissatisfied could return the car but must continue to make
payments for 6 months.

10. If an AOL car owner received 3 parking tickets AOL would take the
car off of them.

11. The AOL car would have an AOL Cell phone that can only place calls
to other AOL car cell phones.

12. AOL would pass a new car law forbidding AOL car owners from driving
near other car dealerships.

13. AOL car mechanics would have no experience in car repair.

14. Younger AOL car drivers would be able to make other peoples AOL
cars stall just for fun.

15. It would not be possible to upgrade your AOL car stereo.

16. AOL cars would be forced to use AOL gas that cost 20% more and gave
worse mileage.

17. Anytime an AOL car owner saw another AOL car owner he would wonder,
M/F/age?

18. It would be common for AOL car owners to divorce just to marry
another AOL car owner.

19. AOL car owners would always claim to be older or younger than they
really are.

20. AOL cars would come with a steering wheel and AOL would claim no
other cars have them.

21. Every time you close the door on the AOL car it would say,
"Good-Bye."



The Butler

A wealthy couple had planned to go out for the evening.
The woman of the house decided to give their butler,
Jerves, the rest of the night off. She said they would
be home very late, and that he should
just enjoy his evening.

As it turned out, however, the wife wasn't having a good
time at the party, so she came home early, alone. Her
husband had to stay with the others since several of his
important clients were there.

As the woman walked into her house, she saw Jerves
sitting by himself in the dining room. She called for
him to follow her, and led him into the master bedroom.
She then closed and locked the door.

She looked at him and smiled. "Jerves," she said, "take
off my dress." He did this carefully. "Jerves," she
continued, "take off my stockings and garter." He
silently obeyed her. "Jerves," she then said, "remove my
bra and panties." As he did this, the
tension continued to mount.

She looked at him and then said, "Jerves, if I ever
catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired!"











ANGELIC ANTICS

A Sunday school teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to
be quiet in church?"

One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."

--------

The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the
mike cord as he went.

Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again. After several circles
and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned
toward her mother and whispered, "If he gets loose, will he hurt us?"

--------

Six-year old Angie and her four-year old brother Joel were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang and talked out
loud.

Finally, his big sister had had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church."

"Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked.

Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door? They're hushers."

---------

My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?"

I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how are we alike?"

"You're both old," he replied.

---------

A ten-year old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming quite knowledgeable about the Bible.

Then one day she floored her grandmother by asking, "Which Virgin was the mother of Jesus? The Virgin Mary or the King
James Virgin?"

-------

A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if
anyone could tell her what it was.

Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou shall not take the covers off the neighbor's wife."










The Girl I Meet Last Nite Was So Easy


She's been on her knees more times than Billy Graham.

She's done more screwing than Black and Decker.

She's turned more tricks than Harry Houdini.

She's been boarded more times than Amtrak.

She's been mounted more often than Trigger.

She's been with more animals than Marlin Perkins.

She's entertained more troops than Bob Hope.

She's been at more bedsides than Dr. Kildare.

She's been turned more ways than Rubik's Cube.

She's spent more time under men than barstools.

She's seen more traffic than the George Washington Bridge.

She's been under more sheets than the Ku Klux Klan.

She's had more marines land on her than on Iwo Jima.

Her body has been declared a national recreation area.

Her diaphragms come with a service contract.

She has an IUD with a beeper.

Her underwear is by Rubbermaid.

Her pantyhose has a pet door.










An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his
paintings on display at that time.

"I have good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is
that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would
appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he
bought all 15 of your paintings."

"That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"

"The guy was your doctor."