[bonyhadi]

With the police still hot on his trail.
He was tempted by fanny for sale.
So the crook went to bed,
With a price on his head,
And a girl with a price on her tail!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a young man named Ringer,
Who was seducing a beautiful singer.
He said with a grin,
"I've now rammed it in!"
She said, "You mean that isn't your finger?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kudzu is green, my dog's name is Blue
And I'm so lucky to have a sweet thang like you.
Yore hair is like cornsilk, a-flapping in the breeze.
Softer than Blue's and without all them fleas.

You move like the bass, which excite me in May.
You ain't got no scales, but I luv you anyway.
You're as graceful as okry, jist a-dancin' in the pan.
Yo're as fragrant as SunDrop right out of the can.

You have all yore teeth, for which I am proud;
I hold my head high when we're in a crowd.
On special occasions, when you shave yore armpits,
Well, I'm in hawg heaven, I'm plumb outta my wits.

And speakin' of wits, you've got plenty fer shore.
'Cuz you married me back in '74.
Still them fellers at work they all want to know,
What I did to deserve such a purty, young doe.

Like a good roll of duct tape, yo're there fer yore man,
To patch up life's troubles and stick 'em in the can.
Yo're as strong as a four-wheeler racin' through the mud,
Yet fragile as that sanger named Naomi Judd.

Yo're as cute as a junebug a-buzzin' overhead.
You ain't mean like no far ant upon which I oft' tread.
Cut from the best pattern like a flannel shirt of plaid,
You sparked up my life like a Rattletrap shad.

When you hold me real tight like a padded gunrack,
My life is complete; Ain't nuttin' I lack.
Yore complexion, it's perfection, like the best vinyl sidin'.
Despite all the years, yore age, it keeps hidin'.

And when you get old like a '57 Chevy,
Won't put you on blocks and let grass grow up heavy.
Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie, with a RC cold drank,
We go together like a skunk goes with stank.

Some men, they buy chocolate for Valentine's Day;
They git it at Wal-Mart; It's romantic that way.
Some men git roses on that special day,
From the cooler at Kroger. "That's impressive," I say.

Some men buy fine diamonds from a flea market booth.
"Diamonds are forever," they explain, suave and couth.

But for this man, honey, these will not do.
For you are too special, you sweet thang you.
I got you a gift, without taste nor odor,
Better than diamonds, it's a new trollin' motor.





A black school was having it's 25th class reunion. Three of
the classes top students were sitting together talking
about old times.

Leroy states he is really successful and was President of
G.E.

The second one doesn't want to be out done so he says he
is President of G.M.

The third one was really being embarrassed and he had to
put on his thinking cap and then says, have you two ever
heard of V.D.... well, I am the Local Distributor.










The Parrot

A Jehovah's Witness knocked on the front door of a home, and heard a faint,
high pitched, "Come In".
He tried the door and it was locked, so he went around to the back door.

He knocked again and heard again the high pitched "Come In".
As he entered the kitchen a large, mean, snarling Doberman met him.
As he plastered himself against the wall he called out for help.
Again, all he heard was the high pitched "Come In".

He slid down the wall to the living room to see a parrot in cage.
He said to the parrot, "For Pete's sake, is that all you can say is 'Come
In'?!"
The parrot laughed and said "Sic him!"




The Ten Commandments, Ebonically Interpreted :

1. I be God. Don' be dissing me.
2. Don' be makin hood ornaments outa me or nothin in my crib.
3. Don' be callin me for no reason - homey don' play that.
4. Y'all betta be in church on Sundee.
5. Don' dis ya mama ... an if ya know who ya daddy is, don' dis him
neither.
6. Don' ice ya bros.
7. Stick it to ya own woman.
8. Don' be liftin no goods.
9. Don' be frontin like you all that an no snitchin on ya homies.
10. Don' be eyein' ya homie's crib, ride, or nuffin.









COMEBACKS FOR THE STRESSED AND IRRITATED:

"Okay, okay! I take it back. Un**** you!!!"

"You say I'm a ***** like it's a bad thing?!"

"How many times do I have to flush before you go away?"

"Well aren't we a Bloody ray of sunshine?"

"Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after."

"Do I look like a ****ing people's person!"

"This isn't an office. It's HELL with fluorescent lighting"

"And your cry-baby, whiny-assed opinion would be.....?"

"I'm not crazy. I've been in a very bad mood for 30 years."

"Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed"

"Do they ever shut up on your planet?"

"I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable"

"Back off!! You're standing in my aura."

"Don't worry. I forgot your name too."

"I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?"

"I work 45 hours a week to be this poor."

"Not all men are annoying. Some are dead."

"Wait...I'm trying to imagine you with a personality"

"You look like ****. Is that the style now?"

"Aw, did I step on your poor itty bitty ego?"

"A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth."

" You are depriving some village of an idiot."

Ah I feel so much better!








Adam and Eve's Nationality

A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of
Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden.

"Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit.
"They must be British."

"Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful.
Clearly, they are French."

"No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they have only an apple
to eat,
and they're being told this is paradise. They are definitely Russian!"










Limericks!

I'll massage you with oils aromatic
And finger-tip motions emphatic
From shoulders to bum
And from nipples to tum
And below 'til you're feeling ecstatic.
~~~~~~~
A rapturous young fellatrix
One day was at work on five pricks.
With an unholy cry
She whipped out her glass eye:
"Tell the boys I can now take on six."









New study


A new study says that having sex decreases your chances of getting a
cold. The more sex you have, the less you'll have a cold.

Just wait until guys get hold of this.

A woman sneezes and he'll be saying, "Hey, I got something for that."







WORLD RECORD
Helen Radford-St John of Manchester set a record on Monday by becoming the first person to cross the English Channel by
floating
motionless in the water and allowing only the channel currents to carry her across. This unique feat was only previously
thrice
attempted and took 2 days, 17 hours, and 43 minutes to accomplish, Miss Radford-St John, said "I never doubted for a
moment that I
would make it.
I want to thank everyone who believed in me. It really is a dream come true for me."