[bonyhadi]

Sex Quiz.....

1. The most erotic experience a woman over 35 can have is:
a. having her knees rubbed with sour cream
b. simultaneously using the food processor, the blender, and the
microwave
c. reading a sex quiz
d. shopping for shoes

2. When a businessman buys a red Mercedes, he is hoping to:
a. acquire a mistress
b. attract his neighbor's wife
c. preserve his youth
d. get a tax write-off

3. A marriage is in trouble when the husband brings home from the video store:
a. Kitten with a Whip
b. Sex Slaves of New Haven
c. Emmanuelle II meets Rocky IV
d. The girl who works behind the counter

4. Condoms are not recommended for use:
a. before the 15th of the month
b. after the 15th of the month
c. immediately after sex
d. when they have been in your wallet over 10 years

5. Religious families generally have large families because:
a. they generally have more children and it is accepted
b. they just have natural rhythm whatever that means
c. the Bible does not permit television specifically
d. they're just lucky or maybe unlucky or not careful

6. The Bible condemns homosexuals because:
a. they go to the theater a lot
b. they look too much like heterosexuals
c. they don't keep two sets of clothes
d. it's impossible to determine who should take out the garbage

7. After their 35th birthday, fewer than 10% of women ever achieve:
a. multiple orchids
b. a satisfactory weight-loss program
c. a job that pays as much as a man's
d. comfortable shoes

8. It is not uncommon for the average male to worry about the size of his:
a. bank account
b. piano
c. office
d. necktie

9. In addition to traditional methods, AIDS can also be transmitted by:
a. petting goldfish
b. handling chicken fat
c. kissing the family dog
d. bloody bar room brawls

10. Conception has been known to occur in:
a. the ovarian tubes
b. eustachian tubes
c. the Goodyear tire store d. back seat of a Camaro

11. "Time of the month" refers to:
a. ovulation
b. undulation
c. a new moon
d. the weekend of AFC vs. NFC championship football

12. Testosterone is a kind of:
a. Italian ice cream
b. testimony given in an Italian court
c. umpire in an Italian cricket match
d. Italian chicken fat

13. An erogenous zone is an area where:
a. women tend to fall asleep
b. women tend to develop sudden headaches
c. men tend to laugh before the punchline
d. it is forbidden to park your rogenous

14. At least 50% of males suffer from premature:
a. emasculation
b. matriculation
c. baldness
d. laughter before the punchline

15. Judeo-Christian tradition frowns on:
a. premarital sex
b. post-marital sex
c. the opposite sex
d. carnal knowledge with non-kosher animals

16. The average frequency of sexual relations is:
a. 78.8 megahertz
b. 92.3 kilohertz
c. 98.4 oyithertz
d. depends on how often your wife works late

17. Which is not considered erotic vocabulary:
a. doo-doo
b. thingamajig
c. doggie-woggie
d. Who owns this sex toy & where has it been?

18. In your personal experience, sex is:
a. overrated but undersupplied
b. oversupplied but not overpriced
c. over there but not over here
d. over

=============================
An engineer and a lawyer were recently fishing in the Caribbean. The fishing was outstanding and they got to
talking about their vacations.

The lawyer said, "I'm here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the
blazing fire. The insurance company paid for everything."

That's quite a coincidence," said the engineer. "I'm here because my house and all my belongings were
destroyed by a raging flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything."

The puzzled lawyer asked, "How do you start a flood?"
======================================
Southern California Freeway Schedule Monday...............SMALL ARMS ONLY: .38 CAL. & under
Tuesday..............LADIES SHOTGUN DAY
Wednesday.........MEN'S LARGE CALIBER-SCOPED RIFLES ONLY
Thursday.............AUTOMATIC WEAPON DAY
Friday.................CANNON & BAZOOKA DAY: HAND GRENADES OKAY
(MORNING ONLY)
Saturday.............MEN & WOMEN'S OPEN: COMPETITION FOR PRIZES
(MOST CARS, HIGHEST TOTAL VALUE)
Sunday...............GUN CLEANING: OFF DAY-SLINGSHOTS, SQUIRT GUNS
GESTURES OF PROFANITY, NO THROWN OBJECTS.

IF YOU'RE PLANNING A TRIP TO SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA, PLEASE ARM YOURSELF ACCORDING TO THE
ABOVE SCHEDULE. FAILURE TO COMPLY WILL SUSPEND YOU FROM FREEWAY USE. VIOLATIONS WILL
RESULT IN REVOCATION OF USE OF FREEWAYS AND PERMANENT PLACEMENT ON A LOS ANGELES RAPID
TRANSIT DISTRICT BUS.

SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA FREEWAY AUTHORITY

1-800-SUR-SHOT L.A./LONG BEACH.................1-213-TAR-GETS
SAN FERNANDO VALLEY......1-818-BUL-LETS
ORANGE COUNTY.................1-714-HAN-GUNS
SAN DIEGO...........................1-619-WEA-PONS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A congregation honors a rabbi for twenty-five years of service by
sending him to Hawaii for a week, all-expenses paid.

When he walks into his room, there's a nude girl lying on the bed.
He picks up the phone, calls his temple, and says, "Where is your
respect? As your rabbi, I am very, very angry with you."

The girl gets up and start to get dressed.

He says, "Where are you going? I'm not angry at you."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~HOW ARE MEN BETTER~~~

An obnoxious drunk in a bar keeps hitting on an a lesbian waiting for
her date. The drunk just won't take no for an answer.

"Tell you what, I'll sleep with you if you can name one thing a man can
do for me that my vibrator can't!" the lesbian smirks.

The obnoxious drunk thinks for a moment. "Okay, let's see your vibrator
buy the next round of drinks!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
~~~CAN I HELP YOU~~~

A city boy ventured out and bought himself a farm house. He needed some
animals for the farm, so he inquired at the neighbor's place. The old
farmer agreed to sell him some animals, so they made their way to the barn.
The city boy pointed and asked, "What kind of animal is that?"
The farmer replied, "Well, that's a cock, but you city folks call it a rooster."
The city boy decided to take one of them, and then pointed to another animal.
The farmer replied, "Well, that's a pullet, but you city folks would
call it a chicken." The farmer continued, "I reckon you're gonna need a
hard working animal to help you with the chores, so I'll sell you this
ass, or as you city folks call it, a mule."
The city boy agreed to purchase the mule as well. Then, as he was
leaving with his newly purchased animals, the farmer said, "By the way,
the mule might be stubborn on occasion and lie down on you. But, if you
scratch his belly, he'll get up."
On his trek home, the city boy noticed a beautiful girl approaching.
Suddenly, the mule fell down on top of the city boy. The girl hurried
over to him and asked if she could help.
"Yep," exclaimed the city boy, "you can grab my cock and pullet while I
reach around and scratch my ass."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WRONG BUS~~~

A woman gets on a city bus early one morning on her way to work. She looks at the driver and holds up one hand; the driver holds up two hands.
Next, the woman points up; the driver points down.
Then, the woman grabs her breast; the driver grabs his crotch.
Finally, the woman grabs her butt and gets off the bus.

A curious passenger asked the bus driver what the odd motions were all about.
The driver explained, "The woman is a deaf-mute. She asked me if a bus ride
is five cents, and I told her it was ten cents. Next, she asked if the bus
was going uptown, and I told her it was going downtown. Then, she asked if
the bus was going past the dairy, and I told her it was going past the
ballpark..."
The passenger interjected, "Okay, but why did she grab her butt
as she left the bus?" The driver continued, "She replied, 'Oh ****, I'm on
the wrong bus!'"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~