[bonyhadi]

THE ELDERLY WEDDING

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, are all excited about
their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss
the wedding and on the way they pass a drugstore.
Jacob suggests they go in.

Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?"
The pharmacist answers "Yes".
Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"
Pharmacist: "Of course we do."
Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"
Pharmacist: "All kinds."
Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism, scoliosis? "
Pharmacist: "Definitely."
Jacob: "How about Viagra?"
Pharmacist: "Of course."
Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, Jaundice?"
Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works."
Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol,
antidotes for Parkinson's disease?"
Pharmacist: "Absolutely."
Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers?"
Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."

Jacob says to the pharmacist:
"We'd like to register here, please."
====================================
The Reunion...
My wife and I were at my high school reunion. As I looked around, I noticed the other men in their expensive suits...and their bulging stomachs. Proud of the fact
that I weighed just five pounds more than I did when I was in high school, the result of trying to beat a living out of a rocky hillside farm, I said to my wife, "I'm the
only guy here who can still wear the suit he wore when he graduated."
She glanced at the prosperous crowd, then back at me,and said, "You're the only one who has to."
==================================
A couple was going to a costume party. The husband was unsure of what costume to wear.
His wife told him to hurry, or they would be late for the party. She was walking downstairs from the bedroom, completely naked, except on her feet were a big old
floppy pair of boots.
"Where is your costume?" the husband asked.
"This is it," replied his wife.
"What the heck kind of costume is that?" asked the husband.
"Why, I am going as Puss and Boots," explained the wife. "Now hurry and get your costume on."
The husband went upstairs and returned in two minutes.He also was completely naked except that he had a rose vase over his penis.
"What the heck kind of costume is that?" asked the wife.
"I am a fire alarm," he replied.
"A fire alarm?" she repeated, laughing. "Yes," he replied. "In case of fire, break the glass. Pull twice and I come."
=============================
An old man woke up in the middle of the night and found, to his utter astonishment, that his pecker was as hard as a rock for the first time in two years.

He shook his wife by the shoulder until she woke up and showed her his enormous boner. "You see that thing, woman?" he happily exclaimed. "What do you think
we ought to do with it?"

With one eye open, his wife replied, "Well, now that you've got all the wrinkles out, this might be a good time to wash it."
================================
Q: Do you know the difference between mayonnaise and semen?

A: Mayonnaise doesn't hit the back of your throat at 35 MPH
~~~~~

Mary Mary quite contrary, Shave your bush it's so damn hairy!
~~~~~
After playing on the playground at school, Tommy came home with some new words in his vocabulary. Puzzled at what they meant,
he went to his mother. "Mom, what's a *****?" Not at all shocked by the question, she opened up an encyclopedia and showed him a picture of a cat.

He then asked "What's a *****?" Once again, not at all disturbed, she opened the encyclopedia and showed him a picture of a female dog.

Confused, little Tommy then went to his father. "Dad, what's a *****?" He felt that it was time for his son to learn about life and opened up a
porno and circled the area between a woman's legs. Enlightened, he then asked him, "Then what's a *****?"

His father replied, "Everything outside of the circle".
===========================
A handsome young lad went into the hospital for some minor surgery and the day after the procedure, a friend stopped by to see how the guy was doing. The
friend was amazed at the number of Nurses who entered the room in short intervals with refreshments, offers to fluff his
pillows, make the bed, give back rubs, etc. "Why all the attention ?" the friend asked. "You look fine to me."

"I know !" grinned the patient. "But the Nurses kinda formed a little fan club when they all heard that my circumcision required thirty-seven stitches."
============================
Masturbators of America,
Give Yourself a Hand!
You don't need to use a condom
You don't need a dental dam
You don't need to say "I Love You"
or "Here's Fifty Dollars, Ma'am."
Don't need to spring for dinner,
Or wear all that sexy stuff
All you need's a set of fingers and a wanker or a muff
'Cause everybody's doin' it, all across the land
Masturbators Of America,
Give Yourselves A Hand!
It's natural, and organic
It's easy and it's fun
If you don't know how to do it ask your parents how it's done
You don't need a special license
You don't need a special skill
Just unzip and slip your grip between your hips and get a thrill
'Cause everybody's doin' it, and boy does it feel grand,
Masturbators of America,
Give Yourselves a Hand!
You can do it in the bathroom
You can do it in your bed
You can do it at a concert while you watch the Grateful Dead
You can rub it with some lotion
You can stroke it with a cloth
Arnold Schwartzenegger pounds it,
Michael Jackson jacks it off
Your attitude will soften, your horizons will expand.
Masturbators of America,
Give Yourself a Hand!
==================
Harry and his blonde wife are having hard financial times, so they decide that she'll become a hooker. She's not quite sure what to do, so Harry says, "Stand in front
of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him a hundred bucks. If you got a question, I'll be parked around the corner."

She's not there 5 minutes when a guy pulls up and asks, "How much?"

She says, "A hundred dollars."

He says, "All I got is thirty".

She says, "Hold on," and runs back to Harry and asks, "What can he get for thirty?"

"A hand job".

She runs back and tells the guy all the gets for thirty is a hand job. He agrees. She gets in the car. He unzips his pants, and out pops this HUGE penis.

She stares at it for a minute, and then says, "I'll be right back." She runs back to Harry, and asks, "Can you loan this guy seventy bucks?"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I guess some things will never change. I recently hired a temp to fill in while my secretary was off for six months on maternity leave. Trying to
arrive at an agreeable wage, I asked her what she expected to earn.

The temp replied, "Well ... the minimum I could possibly work for is four hundred a week."

I told her I'd give her that much with pleasure.

The temp shook her head and replied, "With pleasure, it'll be $600 a week."
==========================
What's the logo for the new Polish tampon?
"We may not be number 1, but were still up there!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There once was a girl from Madrid
Who swore that she'd never been rid
Then in came an Italian
With a cock like a stallion
And rode her like Billy the kid
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Good working computer hardware is a lot like an erect penis:
It stays up as long as you don't **** with it.
================
Two older people, a man and a woman, walk into a hospital. The doctor says to the old man, "I'll need a urine sample, a feces sample, and a blood sample."

The old man says, "What?" So the doctor says it again. Once again the old man says, "what?" So the doctor yells it, "I NEED A URINE SAMPLE, A FECES
SAMPLE, AND A BLOOD SAMPLE!"

With that the old woman turns to the old man and says,

"He needs a pair of your underwear!"
==========================