[bonyhadi]

The Rabbi came over yesterday and we had a Bris for my computer, taking a little piece off the tail of the mouse.

If you or a friend are considering a kosher computer, you should know that there were some other changes, such as: I had to have two
hard drives, one for fleyshedik business software and one for milchedik games.

Instead of getting a General Protection Fault error, my PC now gets. Ferklempt.

The Chanukah screen savers include Flying Dreidels. My PC also shuts down automatically at sundown on Friday evenings.

After my computer dies, I have to dispose of it within 24 hours.

My Start button has been replaced with a "Let's go, I'm not getting any younger" button.

When disconnecting external devices from the back of my PC, I am instructed to "Remove the cable from the PC's tuchus."

The multimedia player has been renamed to "Nu, so play my music already!"

Internet Explorer has a spinning Star of David in the upper right comer.

I hear Hava Nagila during Startup.

Microsoft Office now includes: a little byte of this, and a little byte of that.

When running ScanDisk, I am prompted with a "You want I should fix this?" message.

I When my PC is working too hard, I occasionally hear a loud "Oy Gevalt!".

I I saw a monitor cleaning solution from Manischewitz that advertises that it gets rid of the "schmutz und drek" on your monitor.

After 20 minutes of no activity, my PC goes Schloffen.

I Computer viruses can now be cured with some chicken soup with matzo balls.

Y2K problems have been eliminated, but the impending problem promises to cause major Tsuris.

I didn't get a mouse... I got a yad, which makes sense 'cause apparently I'm not allowed to touch the Scroll bar.

It didn't come with a screen saver, it came with an electronic mehitza, which kicks in whenever I access a feminist Web site.

When I open AOL, the announcement doesn't say "You've Got Mail". Instead, it says "You don't WRITE, you don't CALL!"

I don't have an Option button; instead, it says "On The Other Hand..."

I don't get E-mail I get Eh-mail. I get all these letters which when
I read them, I go "Eh, who cares? "

When I press Delete or Trash I get a Dialogue Box which says "Listen, you never know, you might need this someday. So Cancel?"

When I click on Clean Up Windows, it tells me it doesn't DO windows.

It also came with a Shabbos Goy Software Program which automatically turns the hard drive on after sundown, scans the most recent
files slowly and prints out during services.

For an additional $29.95 it's accompanied by a Chulent CD-ROM that slowly surfs the Internet during Shabbos, amassing an
assortment of Web sites which then sit in the Browser Cache of my hard drive and stew until after sundown Saturday.

And finally, my computer always takes 45 minutes to Shut Down, unless I enter a special anti-separation anxiety command, LOOK, I
REALLY Gotta GO. I PROMISE I'LL CALL.

Clearly something's going on here. I thought I bought a Mac. I think they gave me a Max.
Oy vey!
=============================================
"Medical Suggestion"

At the conclusion of the physical exam, the doctor
summoned his patient into his office with a very
grave look on his face. "I hate to be the one to
break it to you Fred," he said, "but I'm afraid you've
only got about 6 months to live."

"Oh my God" gasped Fred, turning white. When
the news had sunk in, he said, "Listen Doc, you've
known me a long time. Do you have any suggestions
as to how I could make the most of my remaining
months?"

"Have you ever married?" asked the doctor. Fred
explained that he had been a bachelor his whole life.
"You might think about taking a wife," the doctor
proposed. "After all you'll need someone to look
after you during the final illness."

"That's a good point Doc," mused Fred. "And with
only 6 months to live! I better make the most of
my time."

"May I make one more suggestion?" asked the
doctor. When Fred nodded, he said, "Marry a
Jewish girl."

"A Jewish girl? How come?" asked Fred."

"It'll seem longer."
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