[bonyhadi]

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A man and his wife are spending the day at the zoo. She's wearing a
cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless with straps. As they
walk through the ape exhibit, they pass in front of a very large hairy
gorilla. Noticing the girl, the gorilla goes ape. (No pun intended,
really!)He jumps up on the bars, and holding on with one hand and both
feet, grunts and pounds his chest with his free hand, obviously excited

at the pretty lady in the wavy dress. The husband, noticing the
excitement, thinks this is funny.

He suggests his wife tease the poor fellow some more. The husband
suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom at him, and play along.
She does so, and the gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that
would wake the dead.

Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall to
show a little more skin. She does so and, again, the gorilla is about
to tear the bars down.Now try lifting your dress up your thighs and
sort of fan it at him, he says. This drives the gorilla absolutely
crazy. Then the husband nabs his wife by the hair, rips open the door
to the cage,slings her in with the gorilla and slams the cage door
shut. "Now, tell HIM you have a headache!"
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Teaching Math in 1950:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100.
His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?

Teaching Math in 1960:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100.
His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80.
What is his profit?

Teaching Math in 1970:
A logger exchanges a set "L" of lumber for a set "M" of money. The cardinality of set "M" is 100. Each element is worth one dollar. Make 100 dots representing the
elements of the set "M." The set "C", the cost of production contains 20 fewer points than set "M."
Represent the set "C" as a subset of set "M" and answer the following
question: What is the cardinality of the set "P" of profits?

Teaching Math in 1980:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100.
His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20.
Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

Teaching Math in 1990:
By cutting down beautiful forest trees, the logger makes $20.
What do you think of this way of making a living?
Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the
forest birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down the trees?
(There are no wrong answers.)

Teaching Match in 2000:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of
production is $120. How does Arthur Andersen determine that his profit
margin is $60? And how many documents were shredded to achieve
this number?

Teaching Math in 2010:
El Logero se habla con el truckero y se
ponen de acuerdo con otro driver de la competencia y
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Top 10 signs you're grandparents are still sexually active....
10. Pair of edible Depends found on bedroom floor.
9. Lately, at night, they put their teeth in the same glass.
8. Grandpa grabs his crotch and complains loudly of "denture-burn."
7. Granny found cuffed to her walker.
6. Not only do you hear the bed squeaking, but also joints.
5. Grandma regularly looks at Grandpa's crotch and claps twice.
4. Your "Grandma" is Anna Nicole Smith.
3. You've just seen gandma's photo in the "Beaver Hunt" sectionof Hustler.
2. Grandmother starts baking Viagra-chip cookies.And the Number One Sign Your Grandparents are still sexually active.....
1. Their Kraft-matic adjustable bed is set for "doggy style."
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A sweet, beautiful young would-be starlet comes to Hollywood to seek her fame and fortune. At her first power cocktail party she goes to the host and asks him. .
"Who's the most powerful man in the room?"
"That would be Jerry, over there by the caviar," he says.
The young woman walks over to Jerry and says, "Excuse me, Jerry,would you mind stepping back behind this column? I'd like to talk to you."
Jerry and the girl step behind the column and she says, "Jerry... I'm gonna unzip your fly, take out your cock, and give you the best blow job you ever had...!"
Jerry smiles slightly and says, "Well, okay. But...... what's in it for me?"
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Only a mediocre person is ever at their best.

The first half of life is ruined by our parents, the second half by children.

Our program, who art in memory, EXE be thy name...Philosophy is to the real world as masturbation is to sex

Public opinion flourishes where there are no ideas.

Question authority, but not mine.

Some people are discovered, others are found out.

The best government teaches us to govern ourselves.The best way to get ahead is to use the one you've got.

The longer the title, the less important the job.

The old make the rules, the young make up the exceptions.The only road to success is always under construction.

Tourists: The only foreigners the French ever drove out.

Trust G-d, but always tie and watch your camel all night.

Women do come with instructions, ask them!
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HUSBAND VS.WIFE

He wears the pants in the house, under his apron.
He has two chances of winning an argument with her: slim and none.
She leads a double life: hers and his.
He comes right out and says what she tells him to think.
She does not have to raise the roof; all she has to do is raise an eyebrow.
He always has the last word. He says, "I apologize."
He was a man about town; she has turned him into a mouse around the house.
The last big decision she let him make was whether to wash or to dry.
He put a ring on her finger, and she put one through his nose.
He was a dude before marriage; now he is subdued.
He married her for her looks, but not the kind he's getting now.
She lost her thumb in an accident and sued for $100,000 because it was the thumb she had him under.
She even complains about the noise he makes..when he is fixing his own breakfast.
He goes to a woman dentist. It's a relief to be told by a female to open
his mouth instead of to shut it.
Every once in a while she comes to him on her bended knees; and she dares him to come out from under the bed.
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When someone says, "It ain't the money; it's the principle of the thing," you'd better know it's the money.
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A husband and wife want to take golf lessons from a pro at a local country
club. The man and woman meet the pro and head onto the driving range. The
man goes up to hit first. He swings and hits the ball 100 yards.
The golf pro says not bad.
Golfpro: "Now hold the club as firm as you hold your wife's breasts".
The man follows instructions and hits the ball 300 yards.
The golf pro says "Excellent!"
Now the woman takes her turn.
Her ball goes 30 yards.
Golfpro: "Not bad, try holding the club like you hold your husbands dick."
She swings and the ball goes 10 yards.
Golfpro:

"Not bad, but now try taking the club out of your mouth and hit the ball."
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Steve and Cliff are having this talk. Steve says, "My wife lets me
subscribe to National Geographic and Playboy Magazines for the same
reason."
Cliff says, "Why?"
Steve says, " Cuz with both magazines, I get to see places I'll never
get to visit."
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