[bonyhadi]

The Lone Ranger and Tonto had been riding down the trail all day.
When they had stopped to take a rest Tonto placed his ear to the ground
and listened.
"Buffalo come," remarked Tonto.
"How can you tell, Tonto?" asked the Lone Ranger.
"Face sticky."
===================
"Drink 'til she's cute, but stop before the wedding"
======================
A group of senior citizens were exchanging complaints about their
ailments.
"My arm is so weak that I can hardly hold this coffee cup."
"Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad that I can't see to pour my
coffee."
"I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck."
"My blood pressure pills make my dizzy."
"I guess that's the price we pay for getting old."
"Well, it's not all bad.
We should be thankful that we can still drive."
======================
What do you get when you cross a rooster with M&M's?
A cock that melts in your mouth!
====================
The drunk asked where he could find a house of prostitution.
He got the right number but remembered it wrong and tried to get into a
home where a woman was leaning over the sink washing dishes.
The drunk rushed over, threw her on the floor and began making love to
her. Her husband, in an adjoining room, heard the ruckus.
He ran to the kitchen, grabbed the drunk and proceeded to beat him to a
pulp before throwing him out the door.
The drunk looked up at him from the driveway and said,
"Boy, you sure got a lot to learn about running a whorehouse!"
=========================
A man walked up to a little old lady rocking in a chair on her porch.
"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," he said. "What's your
secret for a long happy life?"
"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," she said.
"I also do a gram of charlie a day, a spliff every night, a case of
whiskey a week, eat junk food, never exercise, and always do pills on
the weekend."
That's amazing," said the man, "how old are you?'
"twenty-four."
==================
How can you tell soap operas are fictional?
In real life, men aren't affectionate out of bed.

What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it.
=======================
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as
a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She
went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had
any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will
you charge?"

The blonde said "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her
that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage.
The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to
her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way
around the house?"

The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her
money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered,
"and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man
reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde
added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
=====================
What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur
around the home?
She moved

What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A blonde parade
=====================

"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old.
"You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand
at the toilet and nothing comes out!"

"Ah, that's nothin'," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you
can't even crap anymore. You take laxatives, then you sit on the toilet
all day and nothin' comes out!"

"Actually," said the 80-year-old, "80 is the worst age of all!"

"Do you have trouble peeing too?" asked the 60-year-old.

"No, not really. I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse
on a flat rock; no problem at all."

"Do you have trouble crapping?" asked the 70-year-old.

"No, I crap every morning at 6:30."

With great exasperation, the 60-year-old said, "Let me get this
straight. You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap every morning at 6:30.

So what's so tough about being 80?"
"I don't wake up until 7:00!"
====================

Average Time


Scientists have determined that the average time of intercourse lasts 4 min.
The average number of strokes is 9 per minute, making the average intercourse 36 strokes.
Since the average lenth of a penis is 6 inches the average girl receives 216 inches or 18 feet per intercourse.
The average girl does it about three times a week, 52 weeks annually.
156 x 18 feet makes 2808 feet or just over a half of a mile.
So girl, if you are not getting your half mile every year,
I'm sure there is someone out there that will help ya !!
=============================

The American Dream

Joe Smith started the day early,
having set his alarm clock (made in Japan), for 6:00 A.M.
While his coffee pot (made in Japan), is perking,
he puts his blow dryer (made in Taiwan) to work and
shaves with his electric razor (made in Hong Kong).
He puts on a dress shirt (made in Taiwan),
his designer jeans (made in Singapore),
and a pair of tennis shoes (made in Korea).After cooking up some breakfast
in his new electric skillet (made in Philippines),
he sits down to figure out on his calculator (made in Mexico),
how much he can spend today.
After setting his watch (made in Switzerland),
to the radio (made in Hong Kong),
he goes out, gets in his car (made in Germany),
goes looking as he has been for months,
for a good paying American job.After the end of another discouraging and fruitless day, Joe decides to relax for a while.
He puts on a pair of sandals (made in Brazil),
pours himself a glass of wine (made in France),
and turns on his TV (made in Japan),
and ponders again why he can't find a good paying American job.
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