[bonyhadi]

For BB King's birthday, his wife wanted to give him
something very special! BB already had pretty much
everything a person could want: money, fame and happiness.
BB's wife decided to get "BB" tattooed on her butt, a "B"
on each butt cheek.

That night, after eating dinner and cake, she decided to
give BB her gift. After explaining that her gift was very
special, she bent over and pull her pants down, revealing
her bare, tattooed ass! She told BB to look.

He looked and said, "That's great honey... but who in the
**** is BOB?"
===============================
Q. Why don't women need driver's licenses?
A. There's no road between the bedroom and the kitchen.
=======================
A female orgasm is a powerful painkiller (because of the release ofendorphins), so headaches are in fact a bad excuse not to have sex.
============================
A Texan went to the big city up North for the first time. After strolling around the downtown area for a while, he
happened to look up and see a man at the top of a tall building. The man looked like he was ready to jump off.

Concerned about the man's fate, the Texan immediately started thinking of things he could tell the man so that he would
want to live and would not jump.

"Remember your wife," yelled the Texan.

"She divorced me," said the man.

"Remember your children," yelled the Texan.

"They ran away," said the man.

"Remember your parents," yelled the Texan.

"They are dead," said the man.

"Remember the Alamo," yelled the Texan.

"What is the Alamo?" inquired the man.

"Jump, you Yankee Sum*****!" replied the Texan.
==========================
WORST FOURSOME IN GOLF

1. Monica Lewinski
2. O. J. Simpson
3. Ted Kennedy
4. Bill Clinton

Why You Ask? Well,,,,,,,

1. Monica is a hooker
2. O. J. is a slicer
3. Ted can't drive over water, and..
4. Bill can't remember which hole he played
===================
In a relationship with a woman, a man can either be right or get laid, but never both.
~~~~~
Q: Why do they say that eating bean curd and oysters will improve your sex life?
A: Because if you'll eat that stuff, you'll eat anything!
=====================
The perfect woman - a nymphomaniac who owns a liquor store.
==========================
NEW DEFINITIONS

1. DOOHICKEY:
A. Female................Any part under a car's hood.
B. Male......................The strap fastener on a woman's bra

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
A. Female................Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
B. Male.....................Playing football without a cup.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
A. Female.............The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
B. Male...................Leaving a note before taking off for a weekend with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
A. Female..............A desire to get married and raise a family.
B. Male...................Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
A. Female.............A good movie, concert, play or book.
B. Male..................Anything that can be done while drinking.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
A. Female............An embarrassing by-product of digestion.
B. Male.................A source of entertainment, self-expression & male bonding.

7. MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
A. Female............The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
B. Male.................Call it whatever you want just as long as we end up in bed.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
A. Female............A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
B. Male.................A device for scanning through all 175 channels every 5 minutes.
========================
A young couple left the church and arrived at the hotel where they were spending the first night of their honeymoon. They opened the champagne and began
undressing.
When the bridegroom removed his socks, his new wife asked,"Ewww - what's wrong with your feet? Your toes look all mangled and weird. Why are your feet so
gross?"
"I had tolio as a child," he answered.
"You mean polio?" she asked.
"No, tolio. The disease only affected my toes."
The bride was satisfied with this explanation, and they continued undressing. When the groom took off his pants, his bride once again wrinkled up her nose.
"What's wrong with your knees?" she asked."They're all lumpy and deformed!"
"As a child, I also had kneasles," he explained.
"You mean measles?" she asked.
"No, kneasles. It was a strange illness that only affected my knees."
The new bride had to be satisfied with this answer. As the undressing continued, her husband at last removed his underwear.
"Don't tell me," she said. "Let me guess... Smallcox?"
==================
Sex in Sun City
A couple, both age 78, went to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"
The man said, "Will you watch us have sex?"
The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have sex," and
charged them $50.
This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have sex with no problems, pay the
doctor, then leave.
Finally the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"
"We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my
house. The Holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $108. We do it here for $50, .....and I get $43 back from
Medicare."
==========================
The best 25 Austin Powers Pickup Lines (use your best Austin Powers accent)

1. I wish you were a door so I could slam you all day.

2. Nice legs...what time do they open?

3. Do you work for UPS? I thought I saw you checking out my package.

4. You've got 206 bones in your body, want one more?

5. Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?

6. I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Breasted Bed Thrasher. Have you seen one?

7. Wanna play army? I'll lay down and you can blow the hell outta me.

8. I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Wal-Mart, so I could ride you all day long for a quarter.

9. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a Braille nametag.

10. Is that a ladder in your stockings or the stairway to heaven?

11. You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.

12. You must be the limp doctor because I've got a stiffy.

13. If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.

14. (Look down at your crotch) Well, it's not just going to suck itself.

15. You. Me. Whipped cream. Handcuffs. Any questions?

16. Screw me if I'm wrong, but is your name Helga Titsbottom?

17. Those clothes would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor.

18. My name is (name)...remember that, you'll be screaming it later.

19. Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?

20. Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.

21. Wanna come over for some pizza and sex? No? Why? Don't you like pizza?
22. Do you sleep on your stomach? Can I???

23. Do you wash your pants in Windex? Because I can see myself in them.

24. I lost my puppy. Can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.

25. (Lick finger and wipe on her shirt) Let's get you out of these wet clothes.
=============================
This lady walks in to a Porn shop one day
complaining about the fact that her husband
isn't enough for her any more and that she
is sexually frustrated. The guy behind the
counter suggests a Dildo or Vibrator, the
lady blushes as he shows her the different
sizes and shapes she can choose from, Last
but not least he shows her the 'magic dildo'.
Just say to the dildo what you want it to do
and it will be done.
The lady goes home, reads the instructions
carefully, places the dildo on the chest of
draws, and lies on the bed naked with her
legs spread. She say's 'Dildo - *****'.

The dildo lifts off, turns around and shoots
straight between her legs. After an unknown
amount of time she tires of it and says
'dildo - stop' only to find that it doesn't,
it keeps going. She grabs it and pulls it out,
dildo jumps strait back in however. She grabs
it again, throws it across the room and runs
out of the house screaming naked with the dildo
chasing along after her. She runs around the
corner to be confronted by a policeman wondering
what she is doing naked on the street, she explains
to him that a magic dildo is chasing her.

The policeman only laughs and says 'Magic dildo my ass!'
====================