[bonyhadi]

Why is a beer better than a woman?

You can enjoy a beer all month long.
A frigid beer is good.
A beer doesn't care when you come.
When a beer goes flat you can toss it.
A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer.
A beer never gets a headache.
If you pour a beer right, you always get a good head.
You can share a beer with a friend.
You always know when you're the first one to pop a beer.
A beer is always wet.
You can have a beer in public.
You don't have to wash a beer before it tastes good.
A beer doesn't get pregnant.
A beer doesn't have parents.
You can say whatever you want to a beer.
A beer doesn't care if you are late.
And you can always have several different beers and not feel guilty.
==================================
She's been on her knees more times than Billy Graham.

She's done more screwing than Black and Decker.

She's turned more tricks than Harry Houdini.

She's been boarded more times than Amtrak.

She's been mounted more often than Trigger.

She's been with more animals than Marlin Perkins.

She's entertained more troops than Bob Hope.

She's been at more bedsides than Dr. Kildare.

She's been turned more ways than Rubik's Cube.

She's spent more time under men than barstools.

She's seen more traffic than the George Washington Bridge.

She's been under more sheets than the Ku Klux Klan.

She's had more marines land on her than on Iwo Jima.
============================================
The young fellow was about to be married and was asking his
grandfather about sex. He asked how often you should have it. His
grandfather told him that when you first get married, you want it all
the time...and maybe do it several times a day. Later on, sex tapers
off and you have it once a week or so. Then as you get older, you
have sex maybe once a month. When you get really old, you are
lucky to have it once a year...maybe on your anniversary.

The young fellow then asked his grandfather, "Well how about you
and Grandma now?"

His grandfather replied, "Oh, we just have oral sex now."

"What's oral sex?" the young fellow asked.

"Well," Grandpa said, "She goes to bed in her bedroom and I go to
bed in my bedroom. She yells, 'Screw You', and I holler back, 'Screw
You too!'
==================
One day, down by Alligator creek, two of the young boys on the way home from the Catholic grade school, stopped to play in the creek, hoping to catch a frog or
maybe a turtle. One of the boys stopped behind a bush and when he remained there for several minutes the other boy couldn't figure out why his friend was
standing there almost motionless for so long..
So he went over behind the bush and saw his friend staring at a naked woman sun bathing on her very secluded deck.
Filled with curiosity, they both were looking at the naked woman when all of a sudden, one of the boys took off
running like hell for home. The other boy couldn't understand why he ran away so he took off after his friend.
Finally, he caught up to him and asked, "Wow, that was interesting, did you see those boobs ? , Why did you run
away?" The other boy replied, "Well, Sister Mary Frances at school, told me if I ever saw a naked lady I would turn
to stone, and I sure as hell felt something getting hard, so I ran.
==================
There are three blondes stranded on an island. Suddenly
a fairy appears and offers to grant each one of them a wish.
The first blond asks to be intelligent. Instantly, she is turned
into a brown haired woman and swims off the island.
The next one asks to be even more intelligent than the previous
one, so instantly she is turned into a black haired woman. The
black haired woman builds a boat and sails off the island.
The third blonde asks to become even more intelligent than the
previous two. The fairy turns her into a man, and he walks
across the bridge.
=======================
Dear Mr. Abby:

Q: My husband wants to experience a threesome
with my sister and me.

A: Your husband is clearly devoted to you. He can-
not get enough of you, so he goes for the next best
thing - your sister. Far from being an issue, this
can bring all of the family together. Why not get some
cousins involved? If you are still apprehensive, then
let him be with your relatives, buy him a nice,
expensive present, and cook him a nice meal and don't mention
this aspect of his behavior.

Dear Mr. Abby:

Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral
sex on him.

A: Do it. Sperm is not only great tasting, but has only 10 calories per spoonful. It is nutritious, helps you to keep your
figure, and gives a great glow to your skin.
Interestingly, men know this. His offer to you to perform oral sex with him is totally selfless. Oral sex is extremely
painful for a man. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him, buy him a nice, expensive present,
and cook him a nice meal.

Dear Mr. Abby:

Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.

A: This is perfectly natural behavior and it should be
encouraged. The man is a hunter and he needs to prove
his prowess with other men. Far from being pleasurable, a
night out with the boys is a stressful affair, and to get back
to you is a relief for him. Just look at how emotional
and happy the man is when he returns to his stable home.
The best thing to do is to buy him a nice, expensive
present, and cook him a nice meal and don't mention this
aspect of his behavior.

Dear Mr. Abby:

Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.

A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you
must mess with it, do it in your own time. To help with the
family budget you may wish to videotape yourself while
doing this, and sell it. To ease your selfish guilt, buy your
man a nice, expensive present, and cook him a delicious meal.

Dear Mr. Abby:

Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.

A: Foreplay to a man is very hurtful. What it means is
that you do not love your man as much as you should-he
has to work a lot to get you in the mood. Abandon all
wishes in this area, and make it up to him by buying him
a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal.

Dear Mr. Abby:

Q: My husband has never given me an orgasm.

A: The female orgasm is a myth. It is fostered by
militant, man-hating feminists and is a danger to the family
unit. Don't mention it again to him and show your love to him by
buying a nice, expensive present, and don't forget to cook
him a delicious meal.
======================
*** A Hillbilly translates computer terms...BAR CODE- The fightin' rules down at the local tavern.

CACHE- What you need when you run out of food stamps.

CHIPS- Pasture muffins you try NOT to step in.

DISKETTE- Female disco dancer.

HACKER- Uncle LeRoy after 32 years of smokin'.

HARDCOPY- Picture looked at when pickin' out a tattoo.

INTERNET- Where cafeteria workers put their hair.

KEYBOARD- Where you hang the keys to the John Deere.

MEGAHERTZ- How your head feels after too many beers.

MODEM- What you did when the weeds got too tall.

NETWORK- Scoopin' up a big fish before it breaks the line.

ONLINE- Where to stay when takin' a sobriety test.

ROM- Where the Pope lives.

SERIAL PORT- A red wine you drink for breakfast.

SUPERCONDUCTOR- AmTrak's employee of the year.