Most strange is surely marriage between a human being and an animal
(which history has recorded) or between a human being and a tree!
Tree marriages were prevalent in various parts of India.
Among the Brahmans of southern India it was the custom
that a younger brother should not marry before an older one.
To satisfy the requirement, when there is no bride in sight for a senior brother,
he is ceremoniously married to a tree (or to the spirit inside the tree)
to allow the younger brother to take a wife. In some instances tree marriages occur
at the same time as the marriage of the couple, the idea being that evil influence
which may attach to the married pair be diverted to the tree.
=============
Spending some quality time with the purple-headed custard chucker
And a kazillion more Masturbation terms found at WWW (world wide wank)
http://www.worldwidewank.com/synonyms.html
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About five men in eight said they would rather give up sex for 6 months than go without TV
According the FBI, 19% of all couples turn on the television after sex
34% of couples turn on the television during sex
16% of all partners wish they were with someone else
When it comes to sex, 55% of lovers argue about when to stop
===========================================
Research Holds Hope for Genitally Challenged Men
Thu Sep 12, 9:38 AM ET LONDON (Reuters)
Scientists in the United States have succeeded in growing major parts
of penises in the laboratory. The test tube penile parts were successfully used to
rebuild the members of rabbits who after rest and recuperation
put them to the use that rabbits are famous for.
"They were able to copulate, penetrate and produce sperm,"
He said the researchers were now trying to grow entire penises in the test tube.
But he also said the technique was at an early stage and that it would be a
while before the technique was tried with human tissue. The scientists had only been
successful in growing the erectile tissues of rabbit penisesm not the entire organ,
and in all cases the erect member had the reduced firmness
of a 60-year-old against that of a more virile 30-year-old.
=============================
Rose arrived for her first golf lesson and the pro asked her to
take a swing at a ball to see how she'd do.
She did so and completely duffed the shot.
The pro said "Your swing is good but you're gripping the club too
hard. Grip the club gently as you would your husband's penis.".
Rose took another shot and nailed the ball 275 yards
straight down the fairway.
The pro said "That was excellent!! Let's try it again, only this
time take the club out of your mouth."
====================================
Don't believe everything that you see.
Most of it is done with smoke and mirrors and push-up bras!
===============
Grandma went into Victoria's Secret and wanted to buy some fancy new
panties.
The sales lady talked her into buying some real nice bright red
crotchless panties. Grandma put them on and waited for grandpa to come
home. When grandpa came home, grandma was all laid out upon the bed and
pointed down to the new crotchless panties she had on.
She said, "Come on grandpa, you want some of this?"
Grandpa said, "Lord no, it done ate a hole in your panties..."
=================
Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school.
In order to assist you in connecting the right staff member, please
listen to all your options before making a selection:
To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1
To make excuses for why your child did not do his work - Press 2
To complain about what we do - Press 3
To cuss out staff members - Press 4
To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed in your
newsletter and several flyers mailed to you - Press 5
If you want us to raise your child - Press 6
If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press 7
To request another teacher for the third time this year - Press 8
To complain about bus transportation - Press 9
To complain about school lunches - Press 0
===========================
What do you call a dwarf prostitute?
A little ****er about this high.
What's long and hard and a Polish man gives it to his bride on their
wedding night?
A last name.
========================
DEFINITIONS
ADULTERY - The wrong people doing the right thing.
ALIMONY - The screwing you get for the screwing you got.
BABY - A hollow tube with a loud voice at one end and a complete lack
of responsibility at the other end.
CHIVALRY - A mans inclination to defend a woman against every man but
himself.
CONSCIENCE - That which hurts when everything else feels so good.
CONSTIPATION - To have and to hold.
DANCE - A Naval engagement without the loss of seamen.
DECOY - A flashlight in the pants pocket.
DIARY - Book of revelations.
DOCTOR - A lucky fellow who is privileged to undress women and go all
over them without getting his face slapped.
ENEMA - A goose with a gush.
EXPLORATION - Beating around the bush.
FATHER'S DAY - Nine months before labor day.
GENTLEMAN - One who is always careful to rest at least half his weight
on his elbows.
HORSE SHOW - A lot of horses showing their asses to a lotCRETARY -
A stenographer who watches her periods.
SIN - Anything the other fellow enjoys and you don't.
=====================
There was an old man, a boy and a donkey. They were going to town and it was decided that the boy should ride. As they went along they passed some
people who thought that it was a shame for the boy to ride and the old man to walk.
The man and boy decided that maybe the critics were right so they changed positions. Later, they passed some more people who thought that it was a real
shame for that man to make such a small boy walk. The two decided that maybe they both should walk.
Soon they passed some more people who thought that it was stupid to walk when they had a donkey to ride. The man and the boy decided maybe the
critics were right so they decided that they both should ride.
They soon passed other people who thought that it was a shame to put such a load on a poor little animal. The old man and the boy decided that maybe the
critics were right so they decided to carry the donkey.
As they crossed a bridge they lost their grip on the animal and it fell into the river and drowned.
The moral of the story is...if you try to please everyone, you will eventually lose your ass.
============================
Vibrators vs men!!!
A vibrator doesn't have an orgasm first and then just stop "vibrating."
Vibrators are never too busy watching the game on tv Batteries are cheaper than pick up trucks!!
When we're done with them we can stuff them back in the drawer and not hear from them until we're ready. It's
happy to keep going until we're satisfied.
We can get a bigger one or one that has better options whenever we want without being called a slut.
Position is your choice, not his.
It always is hard.
It doesn't leave a mess behind.
You don't have to wear an ill fitting teddy to excite it.
It doesn't care that you gained 10 lbs.
It doesn't fall asleep and snore in your ear afterwards. You don't have to clean up the apartment before bringing it
home.
Vibrators are better then men because ...
They don't get tired after the first time
They never poke you in the back in the morning to see if you are in the mood.
Vibrators are better then men because in the morning you don't have to fix it breakfast.
Safe sex without a rubber
A couple batteries and you don't have to put up with the ****, just turn it off when you get done with it !
As long as you have a new pack of energizers the vibrator can keep going and going and going!(while you keep
coming and coming!)
Vibrators are portable so you can do it anytime, anywhere you want!!
They don't burp, fart, belch or fall asleep on you.
You don't have to dress up for your vibrator.
You can show it off to your friends.
They never wake up at 4 a.m. asking for another one
It doesn't leave a wet spot.
It can be stashed away in a drawer.
It doesn't have a mother!!
It doesn't require "a little lip action" to get hard.
You know exactly where it's been.
Vibrators don't care if you get crumbs in the bed.
They never come before you do.
================