[bonyhadi]

Shortly after President Bush took office, an old man approached the White

House from the park across Pennsylvania Ave where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the U. S. Marine standing guard and said, "I would
like to go in and meet with President Clinton."

The Marine looked at the man and said, "Sir, Mr. Clinton is no longer president and no longer resides here. " The old man said, "Okay," and walked
away.

The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Clinton."

The Marine again told the man, "Sir, Mr. Clinton is no longer president and no longer resides here." The man thanked him and, again, just walked away.

The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same U. S. Marine, saying "I would like to go in and meet with President
Clinton."

The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to
Mr. Clinton; I've told you already that Mr. Clinton is no longer the president and no longer resides here. Don't you understand?"

The old man looked at the Marine and said, "Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it."

The Marine snapped to attention, saluted and said, "See you tomorrow, Sir!"



============================

"Men are simple things.
They can survive a whole weekend with
only three things:
beer, boxer shorts
and batteries for the remote control.."

==================================================
The loneliness of a middle-aged man and woman -
both divorcees, eventually blossomed into love and finally marriage,
but the wedding night turned into a real disaster.
"You just do not fulfil me sexual expectations,"
the bride commented the following morning.
You're right about that." replied the new husband.
"But when I promised to fill the void in your life,
I simply had no idea that it would be so blooming large!"
=======================================
Guy goes to the doctor. The doctor tells him "I'm afraid
that I've got good news and bad news for you."

"Tell me the good news first, doc." the man says.

"Your cock is going to get two inches longer and a whole
inch wider." the doctor states.

"That's fantastic, doc. What's the bad news."

The doctor looks at him and says "It's malignant."
==================================
After forty years of marriage, Frankenstein and the Bride of Frankenstein
came to a stand still in their love life. Each night Frankenstein would come
home from work, eat his dinner, and sit in front of the television set until
he fell asleep. Dissatisfied with this arrangement, the Bride decided to see
a therapist.

"He's never in the mood," complained the Bride.

"Try a romantic candlelight dinner," suggested the therapist.

The next day, the Bride returned to the therapist with a frown on her face.
"He's still not in the mood," she complained.

"This time," the therapist recommended, "Try something more seductive. Put
on
some sexy lingerie and lure him into the bedroom."

But the Bride returned to the therapist the following day complaining that
her monster of a husband was still not in the mood. As a final piece of
advice, the therapist said, "You should try to recreate the moment that
first
sparked your romance."

The next day the Bride returned with a huge grin on her face. "Thank you so
much," she said to the therapist. "Last night, I forced Frankenstein to come
outside in the middle of the lightening storm. And right there, in our
backyard, he made love to me like it was our very first time."

"Making love in a lightening storm put him in the mood?" asked the
therapist.

"Well," said the Bride of Frankenstein, "I tied a kite to his penis."
===========================
Jake has never had sex, and gets into bed on his wedding night. His new wife gets naked, sits on the bed, and says,
"Do you know what I want?"

He says, "No."

She gets in bed, spreads her legs wide, and says, "Now do you know what I want?"

He says, "Yeah, you want the whole bed to yourself!"
============================
A farmer was out one day with his three ducks taking them for a walk.
He stopped along the way to buy some groceries and asked the
shopkeeper to keep an eye on them whilst he looked around the shop.

The shopkeeper looked at the ducks and said to the first duck, "What's
your name and how was your day." The duck replied, "My names Huey and
I have had a wonderful day, been in and out of puddles all day, a
terrific day."

The shopkeeper asked the second duck the same question and the duck
replied, "My name is Duey, and I've had the best day ever, I've been
in and out of puddles, just a wonderful day."

The shopkeeper looked at the third duck and said, " let me guess, your
name is Louie and you've had a wonderful day as well."

The duck replied, "No!......my name is Puddles and I've had a ****ed
day."
==============================================
A deep-sea diver is twenty feet below sea level when he sees
another guy with no scuba gear. He goes
down another thirty feet, and the guy with no equipment stays with
him.
He takes out a waterproof chalkboard and writes,
"How the hell can you stay down this deep without
equipment?"
The guy takes the chalkboard and writes,
"You asshole, I'm drowning!"
=============================
A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny
passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and
moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!"

Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this
several times. One day, he came home from school and heard
her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man
on top of her.

Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw
himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning,
"I need a bike! I need a bike!"
==============================
Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking
about their love lives.
One woman said, "I call my husband the dentist. Nobody can drill
like he does."
The second woman giggled and confessed, "I call my husband the miner
because of his incredible shaft."
The third woman quietly sipped her whiskey until her friend asked,
"Say, what do you call your husband?"
She frowned and said, "The postman."
"Why the postman?"
"Because he always delivers late, and half the time it's in
the wrong box."
============================================
Dump A Man Form ( for the ladies)
========================
Dear _______________,
I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as Mr. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly
tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening
come available. So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were
disqualified from the competition:
(Check those that apply)

1. ___Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine taking it, hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it.
2. ___Your first name is objectionable. It's just not something I can picture myself yelling out in a fit of passion.
3. ___The fact that our first dining experience to date has left MY wallet a little lighter, and YOUR pants a little tighter!
4. ___Your inadvertent admission that you "buy condoms by the truckload" indicates that you may be interested in me for something other than my
personality.
5. ___You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions about yourself before you asked me more than one about myself.
6. ___Your constant emailing, shows me you have TOO much time on your hands!
7. ___Your legs are skinnier than mine. If you can FIT into my pants, then you can't GET into my pants.
8. ___You're too short. Any son that we produced would inevitably be beaten up repeatedly at recess.
9. ___You're too tall. I'm developing a chronic neck condition from trying to kiss you.
10. ___You have a hairy back.
11. ___I find your inability to fix my car extraordinarily unappealing.
12. ___The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals an inherent
slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable.
13. ___The phrase "My Mother" has popped up far too often in conversation.
14. ___You still live with your parents.
15. ___Although I do enjoy the X-Files, I find your wardrobe of Star Trek uniforms a little disconcerting.
16. ___Your frequent references to your ex-girlfriend lead me to suspect that you are some sort of psychotic stalker.
17. ___Your ability to belch the alphabet is not a trait that I am seeking in a long term partner.
18. ___Your height is out of proportion to your weight. If you should, however, happen to gain the necessary 17 vertical inches, please resubmit your
application.
19. ___I am out of your league; set your sights lower next time.
Sincerely, _________________________________
===============================================