[bonyhadi]

RULES OF BEDROOM GOLF

1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play.

2. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.

3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out.

4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.

5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole.

6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the course owner is satisfied that play is completed. Failure to do
so
may result in being denied permission to play the course again.

7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time
to admire the entire course with special attention to well formed bunkers.

8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played, or are currently playing, to the owner of the course being played.
Upset course owners have been known to damage players equipment for this reason.

9. Players are encouraged to bring proper rain gear for their own protection.

10. Players should ensure themselves that their match has been properly scheduled, particularly when a new course is being played for the
first time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else playing on what they considered to be a private
course.

11. Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at tall times. Some players may be embarrassed if they find the course to be
temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternative means of
play when this is the case.

12. The course owners is responsible for manicuring and pruning any bush around the hole to allow for improved viewing of alignment with,
and approach to the hole.

13. Players are advised to obtain the course owners permission before attempting to play the back nine.

14. Slow play is encouraged. However, players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily, at the course owners
request.

15. It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match.
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The minister of a small congregation was about to start his sermon when he noticed a young woman in the front row. She was wearing a
tight dress with her boobs almost hanging out. He couldn't concentrate on his message to the flock, so he dismissed the service and
asked to speak to the woman after everyone else had left the church.

When they were alone, the reverend said in his sternest voice, "Just what do you mean, coming to church dressed like that?"

"Why, reverend," the young thing replied. "All of my boyfriends tell me that they can hear the angels sing when they put their heads on my
breasts."

"Hmm. Well let me check," said the man of the cloth, placing his head between her tits.

After several minutes, he raised his head and said, "I don't hear any angels singing!"

"Of course not, reverend," she said. "You're not plugged in.
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GOVERNMENT WARNING:
Eating female's organ is dangerous to your health because its 5% urine, 3% acidic, 2% fat & 90% addictive. Hehehe. Eat moderately.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I meet a hot babe last night, she undid my fly and started playing with my dick!

I said "you handle that well" she said "I should; I used to have one!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'd walk a mile for one of your smiles and even farther for that thing you do with your tongue
================================
Doctor, you've gotta help me... my wife Sharon just isn't interested in sex anymore. Haven't you got a pill or something I can give her?"

"Look, Charlie, I can't prescribe..."

"Doctor, we've been friends for years. Have you ever seen me this upset?

I am desperate! I can't think; I can't concentrate; my life is going utterly to Hell! You've got to help me."

The doctor opens his desk drawer and removes a small bottle of pills.

"Ordinarily, I wouldn't do this. These are experimental, but the tests so far indicate that they're VERY powerful. Don't give Sharon more than
ONE, understand?... JUST one."

"One. No more. In her coffee. Okay?"

"Um... okay."

Charlie expresses gratitude, and departs for home, where Sharon has dinner waiting. When dinner is finished, Sharon goes to the kitchen
to
bring dessert. Charlie , in fumbling haste, pulls the pills from his pocket and drops one into Sharon's coffee. He reflects for a moment,
hesitates, then drops in a second pill. And then he begins to worry. The Doc did say they were powerful.

Then an inspiration strikes: Charlie drops one pill into his own coffee.

Sharon returns with the shortcake, and they enjoy their dessert and coffee, our Charlie with poorly concealed anticipation. Sure enough, a
few minutes after they finish, Sharon shudders a little, sighs deeply and heavily, and a strange smoky look enters her eyes. In a deep,
throaty, near-whisper, in a tone of voice Charlie has never heard Sharon use before, she says, "I... need... a man..!!!"

Charlie eyes glitter and his hands tremble as he replies, "Me... too..!!!."
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Bob goes to pick up his date for the evening.
She's not ready yet, so he has to sit in the living room with her parents.
He has a bad case of gas and really needs to relieve some pressure.
Then, the family dog jumps up on the couch next to him.
He decides that he can let a little fart out
and if anyone notices they will think that the dog did it.
Bob farts, and the woman yells, "Spot, get down from there."
Bob thinks, "Great, they think the dog did it."
He releases another fart, and the woman again yells for the dog to get down.
This goes on for a couple more farts.
Finally the woman yells,
"Dammit Spot, get down before he ****s on you."
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One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife and pinched her on the butt and said, "If you firmed this up, we could get
rid of your control top pantyhose."

While this was on the edge of intolerable, she kept silent.

The next morning, the man woke his wife with a pinch on each of her breasts and said, "You know, if you firmed these up, we could get rid
of your wonder bra."

This was beyond a silent response, so she rolled over and grabbed him by his penis. With a death grip in place, she said, "You know, if you
firmed this up, we could get rid of the gardener, the postman, the pool man, and your brother."
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A Wealthy playboy met a beautiful young girl in an exclusive lounge.
He took her up to his lavish apartment where he soon discovered she was
not a tramp. She was well groomed and apparently very intelligent.
Hoping to impress her, he began showing her his collection of expensive
paintings; first editions of famous authors and offered her a glass of
wine.

He asked her if she preferred Port or Sherry and she said, "Oh, Sherry
by all means. To me it is the nectar of the gods. Just looking at it in
a crystal-clear decanter fills me with a glorious sense of anticipation.
When the stopper is removed and the gorgeous liquid is poured into my
glass, I inhale the enchanting aroma and I'm lifted on the wings of
ecstasy. It seems as though I'm about to drink a magic potion and my
whole being begins to glow. The sounds of a thousand violins being
softly played fills my ears and I am transported into another world."

"On the other hand, Port makes me fart."
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